2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In search of the lost Self, you can spend years and one day look for therapy.
There it will be routine and a little pragmatic, and they will ask what attempts have already been made to find I.
There will be a black screen, then slides.
Climbed to the top of the food chain.
I was looking for myself in different countries.
I was looking for myself among others.
I pause.
- Among which ones?
Thinks. It goes into itself and brings from there the image of another. I flickers into another and hides again.
- Why do you communicate with them?
- Because they are N, N and N.
- Sounds like a description of yourself.
- Well, yes, to show that I really am the same. To be accepted there.
It turns out that I was last seen in this state, and then it came out of it and was lost for several years.
Nostalgia unfolds and fills the entire space with colorful images, a museum smell and longing. There is so much anguish that it seems to me that it is crawling through the cracks. I'm starting to worry about how to get it out of there.
Suddenly, an event occurs in the story that folds the whole picture. Before him, everything in life was good, and then it became bad.
The room becomes empty and cool. Even the cracks are now empty. I, as an auditor, hear Schnittke in this moment.
Schnittke I'm afraid, this is a sign that it is time to return to the chair.
- So, your I was lost in this moment?
- Yes, but I'm scared to go there, it's dark.
- Let's go together? I have a flashlight.
Eyes full of tears and courage.
I have a flickering association that we in spacesuits are going to look for a bear in a dark closet. Only instead of a bear we find a small frightened I, lost between what it was and what it could not be. Meanwhile, what it accepted itself and what it could not accept.
It turns out that the paths to different states in childhood were not taken, perhaps, the parents once did not accept, perhaps they themselves were scared to go there.
I suggest you look around with a flashlight and describe where you are and how you feel.
I don’t like being there, it’s hard for him to be like that. Therefore, I am by my side and accept it this way. To start with someone.
Sooner or later it gives up, because there is nowhere else to run, after all, here it is light and there is another, and there is darkness and loneliness. And if the other accepts you in this form, then you will be able to accept yourself.
I breathe out and meditate. The most vile topic in therapy is self-acceptance. I saw nothing more inconspicuous on the outside and malignant inside, on both sides.
- Is this what you were looking for?
- Yes, but I didn't expect it to be like that.
A little time will pass and it will be discovered that "this is the best" - I, and "this - this - damn it - his mother" - also I.
And from all these parts I get the whole. All different, stitched and sealed, but the whole I. And how many states I have experienced, so much I can be different.
When you get used to it, you can ask how it wants to be now. I'll take a flashlight and go looking.
Psychologist Mila Grebenyuk
+380 063 603 22 20
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