2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Most cases of domestic violence are committed not by “scary maniacs”, but by familiar close people whom the victims trust. And then a person experiences a whole range of emotions, from fear to shame. How to tell who will believe? Yes, and there is often no one to tell. After all, those around them most likely will not believe, they will take the side of the rapist, and will add "it seemed to you" that drives the victim crazy and maybe also destructive "such a wonderful mother as yours could not do that" and "you are too nervous and always invent for yourself."
She was sitting on a chair with her back hunched. The face is half-hidden with black-gray strands, beautiful hands, unkempt nails. Long fingers move evenly. The voice is low and even.
- I hate traditional healers. They always harm people. For example, one healed me with candles with wormwood. The candles there are: an infusion of wormwood and wax, and supposedly there is an improvement from this candle. You need to hold your hands over the candles and then "the energy goes straight to the chakras." Here are just burns from this. Up to the third degree. The skin should burn in order to help. Delirium, isn't it ?, - and looks surprised and hopeful.
- And how did you deal with it?
- I ran away, and no matter how they forced me, I was no longer given to the “healer”. They scolded me very much for this.
- So the treatment was not voluntary?
- I was fifteen years old. The mother loves the treatment so that the result in a day, and preferably in an hour. But he doesn't want to try it on himself, at first on me as a draft. If it helps, then yourself. At first she told me what a colossal benefit it would be. I believed too, what if I stop hurting? Then it hurt, the "healer" held my hand over the candle, when the skin began to hurt unbearably, I began to scream and pull out my hand, but he held it. He released me only when I reached out to his face with my left hand and began to scratch.
- Where was your mother?
- Mother sat next to me and was silent. Not a word so that I don't scream. I looked carefully. A puffy face, slightly bulging blue eyes. Absorbed emotions like dry sand water. When the "healer" refused to work with me, she took me by the hand into another room and there she gave me a slap in the face. She said that she was ashamed of her daughter, she wanted her daughter well, and her daughter was afraid. I bandaged the brush for a while. Now it hurts me that the "treatment" was carried out on my grandfather. He is old, he could not resist. He was given a burn on each hand. And then the "healer" was found beaten up in a forest plantation. He crawled out onto the track, random people took him to the hospital. He died there.
She sits and looks somewhere far away.
What if you have a similar story in your past?
Recognize that it really happened to you. And it caused psychological trauma.
And it is important to acknowledge that this story was indeed in the past. And she remained in the past. And now, in the present, an adult person is able to fight back and heal the consequences of the past.
But it is often very difficult for people to believe that the person who theoretically should be the closest, in fact, did not protect, but traumatized. Anger in our society is already taboo, but anger at mom is generally bad, bad. And then the anger is transferred to something more appropriate. In this passage, the girl transferred her anger to traditional healers. The anger and distrust of the mother for allowing her daughter to survive such a traumatic experience remained hidden.
In the future, this will manifest itself through the violation of trust in the world. People grow up, with the installation that no one can be trusted. Especially close. And then new acquaintances, or personal relationships at times seem dangerous. Especially if they are really close. And then the person falls into unbearable pain, and either escapes from close relationships, or "drinks, seizes, lights up", or redirects the pain inward and gets sick.
It is important not to be alone with such a story. It is good to share with someone you trust, who will accept along with this story and will not reject it. To begin with, such a story can be told in psychotherapy.
And get moral acceptance and support. A qualified therapist will believe and accept, will not criticize or shame.
Release the pain and anger from yourself. To "complete" this story here and now.
Accept it's over and never repeat again
Accept that you are not a girl dependent on your parents, but an adult who can protect yourself
Accept that you have the right to defend yourself even if the Other is unpleasant.
Accept that you have the right to protect yourself, even if it is a loved one. Sometimes those we think are close are not.
Accept that you are a person and have the right to protect yourself from violence.
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