I Kicked Out My Husband Or “Don't Like It? Leave!!!"

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I kicked out my husband. When women seek help from a family psychologist complaining that their husband has left, in about every fifth case it quickly turns out that in fact, the husband did not leave of his own free will, but was kicked out by his wife herself. Which, at the same time, with amazing sincerity herself does not understand this, does not give an account of the consequences of her own actions.

What is it about? We are talking about such typical situations, about such families where wives have a bad habit, during quarrels, regularly declare to her husband: “Don't like it ?! Leave! There is a suitcase! You are a big boy, you know how to collect things yourself! Such female behavior is especially typical for those families where the couple lives either on the living space owned by the wife or with her parents (other relatives). Although I regularly come across situations where wives expel their husbands from real estate jointly acquired in marriage and (!) Even from their own apartments, bought before marriage.

I am absolutely not going to justify or defend husbands in this article. A family psychologist is obliged to be equidistant from sympathies to either side, to remain extremely objective. In many situations, careless husbands themselves unwittingly push wives to such actions. Especially - alcoholics, who tend to walk among friends and come home only in the morning, men - who regularly do not keep their own word, do not fulfill their promises, etc. But it is important for me that wives realize that:

The threat of expulsion of the husband from the family and living space

is the worst way to improve family life.

Even worse - only a sexual strike, when wives, wanting to "educate" their husbands, deprive them of sex for weeks, months and years. Moreover, quite often I observe how wives use both of these destructive techniques at once, and then they are naively surprised why the husband went to his mistress.

What's the point? I will explain it with a simple analogy. Imagine that you have a cold and the thermometer shows that you have a temperature of 37. You can not knock down this temperature too much: do not take antibiotics, limit yourself to bed rest, drink plenty of water and take useful vitamins. But if in such situations you start taking handfuls of aspirin, paracetamol, ibuprofen and other drugs, then, of course, you can beat the temperature. But here's the trouble: your body will completely lose the skills to deal with temperature and inflammation. And when you have a more serious cold or viral illness, then all your favorite medications will simply not work! And you run the risk of either getting sick for a very long time, or getting a serious complication (up to disability) and even dying. And all because your body has already developed immunity to strong drugs and they are no longer useful for you.

Anything useful taken in very large doses

or incorrectly assigned - becomes harmful.

By the way, this is why doctors forbid bringing down the temperature below 38.5: so that the body has the opportunity to treat with drugs exactly when they are really needed.

So, let's return now to the wives who regularly get into the "samovar" position (these are hands on their hips) and tell their husbands to pack their things and get out of the apartment. The problem is not so much that they say so, but in eight things:

- Wives often use this threat because of mere everyday trifles, in such petty quarrels, when then they themselves cannot even remember how it all began (this is tantamount to delivering a nuclear strike on the hive from where one bee bit you, that is, the punishment does not correspond committed deed).

- Expelling husbands, wives at the same time, in fact, do not want them to leave for good, especially a divorce.

- Wives do not at all realize what they are doing, what is the meaning of the words "Go away with your things!" They do not understand that men tend (quite correctly) to take the words addressed to them literally, that is, in fact, to leave with things forever.

- Wives do not understand that after the third or fifth statement about her husband's leaving, when the woman herself does not let him leave, or she herself (with sobs) returns him back, husbands begin to perceive them as inadequate and hysterical, which significantly reduces the male the desire to live with them, to show them attention and affection.

- Wives do not realize that the regular use of the threat of expulsion from home gradually reduces their susceptibility to this threat from weak-willed "husbands-rags", nothing has any effect on them. But on the other hand, proud and proud men develop persistent anger and hatred for his wife, humiliating him by the lack of his own home. A regularly driven out self-loving husband (generally successful in life) one day ceases to perceive his family as a "solid rear." He loses the motivation to invest his money and efforts in this family and apartment. He begins to think only about how to acquire a really own home (though inferior - but his own) or move to a place from which they will not be expelled (to a hostel, to a dacha, to his parents, to a mistress who at first will not frighten with exile).

- Wives do not understand how badly the regular expulsion of a husband affects the psyche of their own children, in front of whom one of their beloved parents morally destroys the other.

- Wives do not understand that the regular (even if only in words) expulsion of husbands sets the parents of these men against the wives. After that, her own mother-in-law begins to sincerely wish her son that woman who will behave more adequately. And even she herself begins to select candidates …

- Wives do not understand that by threatening their husband with expulsion from the house, and then reconciling with him, they themselves gradually cease to respect those own husbands that allow themselves to be treated this way. Those who live like balls - first fly away, far away from a kick, and then bounce off the wall of life (after spending the night in a car, in an office, in a garage, at a dacha, at a friend's, at a mother's, etc.), and return again back to the scandalous wife. And having ceased to respect her husband, a woman, as a rule, continues to increase her sharply-hysterical or stable-planned moral pressure on him, bringing him to an intolerable stage, when even the last weak-willed "rag" will leave the house.

Five rules of family behavior for an intelligent woman:

First. If your husband is a really terrible person (alcoholic, drug addict, beats you and children, parasite, mentally ill, criminal, etc.), then kick him out once and for all, file for divorce and forget about this man forever. If at the same time you did not take place in life and depend on him financially, then please teach me how to earn and survive in life on your own. Otherwise, it becomes not entirely clear who is wrong in this situation: a man who freaks out for his hard-earned money, or a woman who does not represent anything of herself, who demands that she be treated as a noblewoman-empress, and she nags with her scandals with her husband the financial bitch she sits on. I kicked out my husband - it's time to work myself!

Second. If your husband, although he does not run in front of you on his hind legs and regularly expresses his opinion, which is different from yours, but in general performs his male functions - he works, earns, does not beat you, does not cheat (even if he is slow-minded and does everything slowly), loves children, shows you sexual initiative, then you should know: NEVER threaten him with expulsion from the apartment and family due to trifling quarrels and quarrels of a medium degree! If the apartment is yours, NEVER reproach someone who has found the strength to marry you or live with you! NEVER take the keys to the apartment from your husband, never close the doors in front of him, no matter how late he comes, never drive him to other places. Because if your husband still leaves in this case, then according to the canons of family psychology, he will not be considered to have left the family. This will be regarded exactly as it sounds: "The wife herself kicked her husband out of the house, and he, in strict accordance with her instructions, will file for divorce and look for another wife and another apartment!" I kicked out my husband, look for a new one automatically!

Third. If you kicked out your husband, and he really left with things, and for some reason you naively wait for him to apologize and come back to you himself, then you should know: you acted and are doing wrong. If the husband has committed a grave offense, then see paragraph one. If the husband did not commit a serious offense, then he, undoubtedly, is to blame. But the fact is that his guilt for a family psychologist is still less than the guilt of that wife, who of her own free will destroys her own family, deprives herself of a normal husband, in children - a father. Hence, advice: find the courage to reconcile yourself, or accept your husband's apology if he comes back himself. And after that, read the recommendation point number two again.

Fourth. You should learn to conduct intra-family discussions and disputes in a civilized way, and not by collecting a suitcase for your husband and humiliating his male pride by not having his own home. Your husband can either buy an apartment for himself, or find a smarter woman with an apartment, and your search for a new husband may not be so successful.

Fifth. Be self-critical of yourself! Find the courage in your family to admit your own mistakes. If you are fat - lose weight, if you are a bad housewife - learn to feed your husband deliciously and do it daily, not once a week, if you shy away from sex - or accept your husband's infidelity, or become more sexually active. If your husband has a successful business or career, find opportunities to work with him. If he has interesting leisure and decent hobbies, share them. Etc. etc. In general, make sure that your husband does not even have a thought to leave the family home.

That's all. I immediately want to apologize to my readers if it seems to them that I was very harsh. But I will explain the reason for my harshness:

Returning the husband back to the wife that she herself regularly

it was very difficult to kick him out of the house, sometimes impossible.

Especially if a man with pride, not an alcoholic and earns good money. And after twenty-five years of work as a family psychologist, sometimes I do not have the patience to listen to another story of my wife, who, for completely uncritical misconduct or simply in the heat of an argument because of sheer nonsense, kicked her husband out of the house ten times, took the keys from him, and then sincerely he wonders why, having left, one day, he stopped calling and giving money, did not apologize, did not return home and, as a result, found himself another woman and filed for divorce. And all this is simply because the woman does not understand that the words "If you do not like it, go away!" in fact, they have meaning and meaning, you need to answer for them, and male patience and pride are not rubber!

Hence, the family psychologist is far from always able to help in such stories that have gone too far. And it is not always possible to return to the wife the husband whom she herself kicked out. And it takes many months. Because when someone kicks out, very often, someone immediately takes it for himself.

So, I strongly advise you: follow the five points of the recommendations and be smart wives. Before you proudly say that you kicked your husband out, remember:

Next to smart wives, and husbands are smart.

Next to stupid wives, husbands are complete fools.

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