2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Guilt - the experience that I have done a bad deed, a bad choice, done something wrong, acted badly, not right.
Guilt is formed for the first time in the so-called oedipal period of development: 3-6 years. When a child lives identification with a parent of the same gender, learns social behavior, realizes his place in the family triad. At this age, the child begins to understand that there are certain norms and rules in his family that must be observed. How to do good and how bad.
Parents teach us responsibility for our little children's actions. They teach that every action has its consequences. This is how we prepare for our future adaptation in society.
Where guilt appears, our internal responsibility for this or that deed, choice, action, word, and sometimes even thought is included.
What happens to people who, in adulthood, too often find themselves in this difficult and sometimes difficult experience?
For example, a child plays noisily, runs around the house, yells, has fun, and his mother has a headache. A message of the type: “Don't shout, I got a headache from you. Put the toys together and sit still”gives the child the wrong coordinates in terms of responsibility. He now knows that his mother's migraine is the fruit of his noisy activities, which, by the way, bring a lot of pleasure. That is, the mother transfers responsibility for the uncontrolled process in her body to the child, who, after such a mother’s remark, will most likely subside. And not from an adult realization that my mother ought to sympathize and play quieter. The child is not yet capable of this. Simply because I felt guilty. At the most pleasant moment for yourself.
With frequent repetition of the experiment and sufficient sensitivity of the child, the effect “I always feel guilty when I’m having a lot of fun, and I’m about to go into the breakaway” or “if I feel good, it may be uncomfortable for someone, unpleasant” is at least logical. Can accompany in adulthood, obsessively screwing up life. Where it came from - it is far from immediately possible to remember.
Anyone who is lucky with fun can do nothing and beat the thumbs - in life it is impossible. Or, for example, talking about yourself, showing off, drawing attention to yourself. The main thing is that you bear responsibility for the feelings of other people, their mood, complexion and regularity of the chair more often and in full.
Guilty people often have a habit of blaming someone else. In order to take off part of your overwhelming burden, shifting it onto a friend. But some carry it with honor on their own, without spilling it, so to speak. Responsible for all relationships in their lives, for high positions, for the success, honor and prestige of any idea. The more unnecessary responsibility, the less internal freedom.
Hyperresponsibility in turn attracts all kinds of manipulators, parasites and parasites to such people. They - stepped on a sore corn, the person became guilty, where he was used to, that everything depends on him, and now he has already gone to rectify the situation. Myself. You don't even need to ask him.
Life is very difficult when you are responsible for too much.
How can I avoid this? When you notice that you feel guilty before someone, before throwing an apology or correction, ask yourself: is this my area of responsibility? Did you take it voluntarily, or are they trying to impose it on you? And if you took it, but it is difficult to carry - can you calmly refuse it?
The freedom of your choice in this place is the best criterion. If your responsibility is voluntary and does not interfere with your life - honor and praise to you. A lot in this world rests on responsible people.
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