2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I liked my yesterday's metaphor about fish in an aquarium, so I'll start with her again)
My yesterday's article A cramped aquarium, or, well, their money and relationships
Here such a fish lives in an aquarium, and it is cramped in it, and there is little oxygen, and the food is not as it would like. And due to the fact that there are too many brothers in a small aquarium, it is almost invisible.
And I really want to swim and have nothing to deny myself. To have a lot of light, food, beauty and space, so that you can show yourself …
And now they transplant the fish into a large aquarium … And all her desires are fulfilled, but … But something suddenly happens to her body, it shrinks, it seems to become smaller, because now none of the brothers is blocking the light for her, and does not block her from prying eyes, and it is visible from all sides, as in the palm of your hand …
And like, swim, enjoy freedom, food, light, and the body strives to hide somewhere, to hide so that no one will notice it.
She is afraid, angry and confused. And it seems like this is the cherished happiness. And instead of happiness, pain. The pain that she cannot afford to enjoy what she received, even though her dream has come true …
It seems to her that everyone is looking at her, everyone is striving to see her mistakes and mistakes. She cannot afford to eat that very tasty food with pleasure, because she is afraid that she will be condemned for bad manners. She constantly thinks, am I so good … And do I reach for these beautiful fish that have long been living in this wonderful aquarium. After all, they are definitely beautiful if they have long been chosen for life in these wonderful conditions.
And if the fish is released not into a large aquarium, but generally into the open sea (imagine that species like her already live in it)? What will become of a fish that is used to living in a cramped aquarium and does not know how to take care of itself?
That's how man is. He may really want to live in a new way, and when this new appears "on the doorstep", he becomes scared.
No, no, as if his body was speaking and taking a step back. I am not so good, not so smart, they will not understand me, they will not accept me, they will condemn me … They will eat me …
A small fish inside is crying and saying, they didn’t love me in a cramped aquarium, when everyone was relatives, how can they love me in a big one, where everyone was originally strangers …
In a small aquarium, at least I'm mine. I am the same as everyone around. And in large, I'm a stranger. I am an impostor who accidentally found himself in good conditions and just about other fish will see and understand that I am a stranger. And then, then I'm in danger. After all, if my own people didn't really like me, then what can we expect from strangers … I will be eaten by the stronger ones, who have lived in good conditions for a long time, because they do not need an extra mouth. And I will not be able to compete, because I am not good enough to compete with them. I will perish, perish … The traumatic part screams …
When a person initially considers himself to be worse than many, weaker, stupider, more terrible, less educated, it is very difficult for him to reach a new level. After all, the fear that you will be eaten now, it simply paralyzes. In some cases, of course, aggression replaces fear, but since there is no healthy contact with it, it only worsens the already deplorable state of affairs. And the person himself begins to attract failures. And to say to myself - well, I felt, knew, understood that I didn't belong here …
But in fact, they would be ready to accept him at a new level, in a new team, in a new sphere, but only he himself seems to show with all his appearance - do not accept me, I am not worthy of you, I am an impostor …
And now a man proves something to himself over and over again. He changes his place of work again and again, receives another diploma or certificate, buys an expensive car on credit, changes his image with the help of someone, but he does not feel worthy, he does not feel. And it seems, well, now one more confirmation of my goodness and I can. But … Nothing changes, or changes only slightly. And from the next document there is only sadness, longing and yet another unjustified hopes …
After all, it's not a document, a hairdo, a car, but the fact that a person considers himself unworthy, an impostor. He does not believe in himself, does not believe in himself.
Once upon a time, the closest and relatives did not believe in him, and if they did not believe, then how could he believe in himself …
How? To begin with, accept the fact that loved ones who could not believe in him, themselves do not (or) have faith in themselves. And faith in another was simply not available to them.
Accept the fact that no matter who he was born and where, he has the right to go up a step, or even much more up, simply because we all come to this world for development. And if every person sat still, not daring to take a step forward, then we would live in caves and catch mammoths …
The road will be mastered by the walking person, and specially trained people, psychologists, will help you with this.
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