2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I'm not a big fan of marriage.
I believe that marriage places talented dreamers who can change the world inside an accepted institution, where they then spend a tremendous amount of time, emotion, "magic" and valuable energy trying to be a "good" citizen and live up to the illusion of an ideal family, which is so are successfully embedded in our heads. In addition, marriage has succeeded in creating a fatal sense of ownership of another soul simply because one day he or she said yes, put a ring on our finger, and signed a document stating that we would never be abandoned. (Have you ever noticed how crazy it all looks?)
One of the biggest deceptions we can fall prey to is the idea that we need someone else in life to be whole. We are waiting for the coming of Mister or Mrs. to finally start our life and be truly happy.
I have been living with my man for 15 years, and we still really, really like each other. This is largely due to the fact that each of us remains alone, creating light, helping each other in achieving our personal goals. We are incredibly different, but neither of us is fighting for the right to change the other. We respect and value each other for who we are. We don't need each other. We enjoy each other. This is a big difference. The most unromantic words in the world are "you complement me" - I literally want to scream when I hear them at weddings. I want to complement myself.
Rotate around your axis until you achieve harmony with yourself and you can not create magic alone. Then you, if you want, will attract someone who will revolve around you. As a result, the world will receive two beautiful souls that rotate separately, but in perfect harmony … that's where the magic happens!
What about kids?
I do not believe that we were all meant to have children and have a family, as culture dictates to us. Once you have made the decision to have children, then yes, it is helpful to find someone who is happy to help you give your unborn child the best life possible. This does not mean that both should live under the same roof, but it does mean that you are determined to work together for the support children need to grow up to be healthy, confident, and emotionally stable members of society.
If you got married because you wanted to … Wonderful! Just make sure your expectations remain realistic and be open and honest about how you feel. It is unhealthy if in a long-term relationship someone feels trapped and unhappy. That's why we have so many relationship traumas that didn't work out - mother, father, first love, and so on. The fairytale image of what love should look like turned out to be fictional and we were defeated.
Don't marry soul mates.
Billy (my man) is a very good friend. He thinks I'm wonderful, amazing and incredibly attractive. He is always ready to help and support me, and he will do the latter in any case. He is a wonderful father and companion. We are perfect for each other in every way. We emphasize the best in ourselves almost always. We do not cling to each other and can remain alone, even though we would rather be together. Our relationship is easy and it negates shit. Billy is gentle, calm … absolutely wonderful, and I love him, but he is not my soul mate, as is usually understood, - a mystical, ancient connection from past lives. Together we have created a completely unique union, the meaning of which is also unique in its kind.
Who are soul mates? They exist? Each of us will answer this question based on our own beliefs. Personally, I believe that soul mates are people who blend perfectly with us to help us grow. But they don't have to be our lovers. This awareness is very important to us. In our culture, we seem to struggle with understanding deep relationships that are non-sexual or non-romantic but have a great purpose. Any close connection between two people is a priori romantic, right? No. There are countless connections in this wild world.
And I believe that soul mates exist and appear in our lives when it is most needed. They come to nudge us, challenge us like a mirror, show us our flaws, wake us up and make us go forward. And, to be honest, we'd better not marry such individuals. Because then we will get bogged down in creating the perfect marriage (God knows what that would mean) and forget why our souls were connected from the beginning.
We all forget too easily that our job is to help each other develop as quickly as possible, not torment each other in these strange roles that husband and wife are forced to play. Because who knows what it looks like for each of us.
There is an idea that a person should satisfy all our needs. And, in general, it provides us with all the suffering and disappointment. Instead, why don't we first think about why we want to create a relationship with another person and what their purpose is. Then the Universe will send us the perfect choice for this purpose. And if the goal is great sex and traveling around the world, then you will get a completely different person, different from what you could get by starting a family. When in doubt, just take my word for it. A clear awareness of our desires is the first step towards being able to create the most magical union.
Look, actually, I'm not an expert, and of course, I myself haven’t done everything I’m talking about yet. I know one thing for sure, and the reality is that what I am doing is working. How many happy couples do you know? Good. How many of them are those who have been together for more than a few years and have children? They should not only be comfortable together, it is about real happiness. This all makes you think that we are wrong somewhere. We are constantly on the lookout for the crazy, wild, ardent love of our life to stay with it at any cost until death do us part. Perhaps, and this is just speculation, we should be looking for something completely opposite.
Let's rewrite normality.
Let's hack parenting, friendships, love, partnerships, connections, soul mate unions, LIFE and marriage as we are accustomed to seeing them, and create something that works, that suits our hearts and souls, without fear and fear of breaking the norm.
Because if no one has told you this before, the concept of the norm is greatly overestimated.
Brooke Hampton (writer)
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