Remaining An “old Maid”: Fate Or Choice

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

It happens. First, you are 18 years old, then 20 - your whole life is ahead, and then 35, and you realize that soon you will be 40, but this is not an age … and then the years fly by 40-45-50-55 years.. So what are the years. After all, everything is fine, because you live well - your favorite job (or not your favorite?), You call up with your friends, the car, the food is delicious, clothes, you have a hobby …

But sometimes in the evenings you look out the window at the light from the windows opposite or stir sugar in the cooling coffee, but your soul is so dreary and dreary, and for some reason the cats scratch. And outside the window there is a blizzard, and it gets dark early or, on the contrary, a spring sunset and smells of lilacs … What kind of a lump is stuck in your throat, about what you want to cry, covering your face with your hands? To confess to myself or not to confess? Oh, how you want to snuggle up to someone, just silently, or press it yourself tightly to your heart, or talk about something, about nonsense, if only this silence and not a cold bed …

Loneliness. That's what's stuck in a lump in my throat. That's what you don't want to think about, but still no, no, but think about it.

And tomorrow there will be a new day, and work, and a lot of things, and a friend will call - you will chat on the phone, and it seems, nothing, you can live. Until next time, until you run into yourself in this silent dialogue about what you really feel and about what you are silent.

The worst thing in such situations is not that in old age you will be left alone, no one needs, but that life goes on, and you live for yourself and live, ignoring the aching melancholy and feeling of loneliness, and there is no real, spiritual closeness with anyone, and it may so happen that it never will.

Why do women become spinsters? And I'm not just talking about the traditional meaning of this expression. This article will also talk about those who were once married, but did not work out, and no one else appeared in life. And even about those who have children, adults already, "flew out of the nest", and the husband was once, but "swam", and I don't really want to get married anymore. That is, including those who tried and did not like it. This article is about loneliness.

I bring to your attention the classification of single women:

I have not met a decent man

Women of this type are waiting for their princes. They were beautiful, strong, smart, so that you could talk, so that you could give flowers and wear them in your arms, and socks so that you would not throw them around your apartment. And how many men they have met - everything is not right: this one is not handsome, this one cannot connect two words, this beggar - what he can give me … So he searches all his life, goes over options, time goes on, but still the prince is gone.

And there will be no prince, because you have to choose among real people, not fairy-tale characters. And no matter how wonderful a man is, he will have his own, individual set of shortcomings. And our heroine does not want a set of shortcomings, but only a set of advantages.

In fact, the problem here is that such a woman has no interest in another in principle. There is no desire to recognize him. The way he is, to find out what interests him and how he lives. She is only interested in what he can give her - care, beautiful children, material values. And so that there was less trouble with him, otherwise he could endure some shortcomings, rub against each other. And a man (and maybe a real prince) he looks at all this and gets tired. Tired of giving, not receiving anything in return. After all, women from this category not only do not see anything around, except for their fantasies, they also do not know how to give, as a rule. And to give is to care, to give in somewhere, to give up something in life for the sake of his man. Men, they also want to be SEEN, interested and take from their women, and not just GIVE. So princes and non-princes are running as scalded as soon as they understand what is the matter. And our heroine only has to sit in the kitchen and stir the cooling coffee …

Is there a chance to change something? Do you have a choice?

The choice looks like this: learn to be interested in people, sincerely from the heart and learn to give, and not just take OR leave everything as it is.

2. "Nobody will look at me like that"

In this case, the situation is the opposite of the previous one. A woman would be glad to give - herself and her love and care, but for some reason no one wants to take. And she can't believe that someone needs her like that - ugly, fat, with crooked teeth … or what kind of shortcomings she found in herself. And the truth is - no one is looking in her direction.

Why not? Not because her teeth are crooked, but because she does not know the price for herself. And he walks like his shoulders are lowered, his eyes are on the floor, a shuffling gait. No one really will look at this. And if she suddenly looks, and even makes a compliment, she will think that they are laughing at her, mocking her. Self-esteem in such women is below the plinth. And what man needs a woman who doesn't value herself a penny? After all, a woman is the face of a man. And I want a beautiful, proud face.

And I also want a woman to be able to TAKE what she is given, with gratitude. And people like our heroine, they do not know how to take, they only know how to give. There is no need to conquer them, to seek, too, does not accept compliments, looks aside.. Why is this necessary? Men want victories. And this is not a victory - this is some kind of defeat, and she does not need anything from you. It's not even interesting to start a conversation with such.

What the choice of our heroine looks like: Learn to love yourself, accept and learn TO TAKE, and not just give OR leave everything as it is.

3. “I have no right to build my life - I have to take care of my mother” (sister, aunt, nephews..)

These are women - saviors. The whole world rests on their shoulders. There is no time for yourself and not for your personal life.

Such girls are very often brought up by their mothers on feelings of guilt: “I quit the institute because of you, you broke my whole life, I would have got out into people without you, and you are growing so ungrateful!”. And, of course, such a girl cannot leave her mother to the mercy of fate, and even more so an old mother, who because of her broke her whole life …

Here her mother lives as she wants, and her daughter serves her and satisfies her needs. But her mother built her life as she needed - she chose to divorce or give birth without a husband, she herself could not arrange her personal life, but she always makes her daughter guilty. And how can such a heroine build her own happiness when she is to blame for the fact that her mother is unhappy.

Feelings of guilt may not be imposed so frankly, it may be veiled. Such mothers can often get sick (or pretend), sigh heavily, hint or make double messages (for example, “you, of course, need to arrange your life, otherwise you will be like me old and useless to anyone, even to your children”). What remains for our heroine?

Choices: Change your relationship with your mother, live and get rid of guilt and start living your life OR leave it as it is.

4. All men are goats

This idea, as a rule, is transmitted to the girl by the mother from the very childhood. A mother with a negative experience of relationship or marriage. And our heroine, of course, finds her confirmation in her life, because she will choose just such "goats" who will humiliate and offend her. She does not see normal men at close range. She is not unconsciously interested in them, since from childhood she knows what kind of men to look for. He finds such people. And then, when she is finally convinced that my mother was right, she decides that it is better to be alone.

Choice: expand your horizons in terms of choosing a partner, pay attention to the fact that men are different, and not just "goats" OR leave everything as it is.

5. “You can’t engage in sexual relations outside of marriage, but the men they need is one thing and only”

This idea is also, as a rule, maternal. It lies in the fact that sex is something dirty, shameful. There are often intimidations like “don’t bring me in the hem”. And our heroine is panicky afraid of intimacy, any intimacy with men, as she feels that this will be followed by harassment and will certainly be used.

Choice: to change your attitude to sex, learn to perceive it as a natural need of the body and learn closeness of the soul OR leave everything as it is.

6. I need to secure a future for myself and my children before I give birth to them.

This is the idea of the careerists. And its essence is what. The fact that a woman does not know how to trust and trust. What if a man leaves her, starts cheating, or even worse, dies. And she will remain at a broken trough … There are many fears. Such women often do not know how to TAKE or GIVE. In the sense that they cannot entrust a man with their material well-being - simply take, without fear, and, chasing after money, they cannot give elementary female care and support. In such families, the distribution of roles is often violated. And often our heroines decide not to create a family at all - there is simply not enough life resources for it.

Choices: learn to trust, take and give and get rid of fears OR leave things as they are.

It turns out that in every situation, whatever it may be, there is always a choice. But when I choose to change something, it means that there is a difficult and long work on myself ahead of me. It is difficult to decide on this, but there is always a way out.

Remember only one thing: when I put off making a decision until tomorrow, today I have already made the choice to leave it as it is. Be the masters of your destinies. Make your choice consciously. This is your life.