2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Today I had an interesting broadcast on the topic of how caring differs from overprotection? In short, caring is what we do for others to improve their lives. But it is important to remember (if this is not a critical situation and not a matter of life and death) that any help should be provided strictly upon request. Even a nursing infant is able to give a sign that he needs something. For example, he screams when he is hungry. And on-demand feeding is a manifestation of maternal concern - the desire to create a comfortable environment. Caring can be expressed in the desire to help, protect, teach. But it is healthy and safe for others only when the other really has a need for it. If, while taking care of, we deprive a person of independence, make decisions for him, prevent him from developing, growing and learning to be aware of his needs, then this is no longer a concern, but overprotection. On the part of the caregiver, this is the desire for control and the implementation of their own complexes - for example, an attempt to be needed. Overprotection is often touted as love. Ok, this is love, but not for the one we take care of, but for ourselves. For the ward, this is a disservice, fraught with the appearance of neuroses and phobias - anything except healthy personal development.
Parents are required to strike a balance between helping and imposing. Deciding everything for others, we take away the meaning of life from them. For example, for development, children need to experience emotions, including negative ones, such as fear or anger. The task of the parents is not to protect the child from this experience, but to teach him to react appropriately. In psychology, this is called containment - when a mom or dad can calm, explain, support, but at the same time give the little person the opportunity to live this experience on his own. In adulthood, this function is performed by a psychologist who helps to cope with emotions, feelings and problems within a safe setting. But it is important to cope on your own - when no one takes the initiative and makes decisions for you. Otherwise, it is a direct path to learned helplessness.
Learned helplessness syndrome - the term itself was coined in the late 60s by the American psychologist Martin Seligman. The phenomenon is certainly much older. Learned helplessness is a state of powerlessness and lack of initiative, when there is no incentive to do something to change (improve) your state. And it is scary to observe adults who are physically healthy people who are unable to function independently, without looking back at someone else's opinion, without a chance to build their own lives. And it all starts with "care". For example, a child tries to tie his shoelaces on his own, but you do not allow him - because you are in a hurry and you do not have time to wait. Or you clean the nursery yourself because it's faster and better. Do not encourage washing the dishes - because the teenager will not do it perfectly. There is no end to such overprotection. Remember the old joke when mom calls her son home and he asks: “Mom, what? Am I tired or cold? "You're hungry." Overprotection deprives a person not only of independence, but also of the feeling of his own body, needs - physical and emotional. This leads to apathy, depression, a feeling of loss of freedom and a lack of faith in one's own strength - it takes away everything that is so necessary for growth, development and a fulfilling life.
How to stop caring for a child? Treat him as an independent person, and not your own continuation. Do not project your desires, ambitions, aspirations and fears onto him. More often ask yourself the question: "for whom am I doing this now" and "what will happen if I do not do this." In my example with laces, we tie them for ourselves - because we are in a hurry. It will be much better for the child to take a little more time and learn how to do it on their own. The same goes for food. If a person is not hungry, there is no need to force porridge into him for dad and mom. It is better to take care of a proper and varied diet, healthy sleep, a daily routine without constant gadgets and endless lessons, but with adequate physical activity and walks in the fresh air to whet your appetite.
Remember - care should be beneficial, not harmful. Take care of each other and be healthy.
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