2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The appearance of children in a family is a great happiness. And, as a rule, parents take care of their child and try to give him all the best. Modern Russian families are often child-centered, that is, organized around the interests of the child. The child becomes the center of attention, the child is given the best food, the best seat at the table, much more money is spent on the child than on the parents. That is, the family lives according to the principle - "All the best for children."
In order to determine what place the child occupies in the family, you can take a short test. For example, calculate how much money, over the past six months, was spent on a child and how much for each of the parents. Who gets the first and best piece of cake at home - a parent or a child? Who is the family's interest when planning the weekend?
The modern style of upbringing, which allows adults to spend so much energy on their child, is primarily associated with the changed economic situation - now a person no longer needs to constantly think about food, people have free time that did not exist until the middle of the 20th century.
Some time ago, everything turned upside down, and it no longer seems surprising to us the statement, "The child is the center of the family."
But is it right to redirect all your resource to the child? Will this hinder him in the future? Indeed, many such care can make them unfit for life.
Let's see what tendencies in attitudes towards children are healthier from the point of view of psychology. Which areas of upbringing are better and which should be avoided?
A healthy approach is always a matter of moderation. Any successful tactic can be ruined by being overused to the point of absurdity. And any not very healthy tactics in low concentration is permissible and will not bring harm. Only fanaticism in the application of certain rules is harmful
Actively immersed in upbringing, parents, as a rule, do not notice the real possibilities of children, their true childhood feelings, thoughts, experiences, it is not the children that become important to them first of all, but their own expectations. This parental position traumatizes children, growing up, they begin to experience conflicting, often oppositely directed feelings for their family members, such as love-hate, attraction-rejection. The presence of such feelings deprives children of the opportunity to humanly approach their parents, to open up to them and makes them look with all their might in life for situations in which they could realize what was so important and inaccessible to them in childhood.
We believe it is good to take care of children. However, excessive, oppressive guardianship does not make children more adaptable to the life around them. On the contrary, later facing difficulties in life, the children who were the “Center of the World” in the family become neurotics, join the ranks of addicted people and become patients of psychotherapists.
Consequently…
A child-centered child has no authority, and therefore does not respect adults. In childhood, we are dealing simply with an ill-mannered toddler, and in adolescence we are faced with an unruly teenager.
Children with power over their parents grow up to be too demanding. They want to take, but they are not going to give something in return.
It is impossible to grow a full-fledged personality with a child-centered type of upbringing. The child will not be able to unite with society, since his qualities will not correspond to the needs of society. He will be helpless and weak, with a bunch of complexes and exaggerated demands. In response - only negative and ignorance.
Growing up, child-centered children usually do not want to work. They are used to getting everything ready, and it's actually convenient. Why waste time and energy working for someone when you can live off someone else.
How can the situation be changed?
In the matter of raising children, according to experts, the principle of the "golden mean" should be adhered to. This means that the interests of the child should not supersede your own interests.
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