2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
You often think about the fact that other people have everything, and you do not even
it is clear, will you ever have it? Does it hurt, scared and sad? What are the reasons for such pain, what to do with it and how to get out of such a neurotic state?
Recently, many people turn to psychotherapists with
Why is there such a burning feeling of annoyance caused by the well-being of another person? Often the reason is hidden in the remnants of the 90s, when people were between 5 and 15 years old, and a strong susceptibility to society as a whole was formed.
The child started going to school and saw the difference between himself and other children who had patent leather shoes, an expensive dress, or several school suits. As a result, he feels bitterness and resentment - others have, but I do not - and trauma is formed at a deep level in this zone. If you look deeper, there is a tie in relationships with parents on the emotional and object level (in other words, the child could simply not be noticed as an object, his basic needs were not realized, there was no emotional connection, and because of this the child suffered).
For example, a child asks: "Mom, buy me those shoes!" and hears the answer: “No! We do not have money!". At the same time, there was no emotional reaction on the part of mom / dad ("Forgive me, dear / dear! Mom is now in a difficult situation, let's wait a bit, collect money and buy?"). The answer "No money" for a child sounds like a sentence - no and never will be, no matter what you do! That is why such pain is formed in the psyche. In adulthood, the situation is slightly smoothed out, but thanks to social networks, where everything is “on display,” it flares up with renewed vigor, and the trauma begins to choke a person so much that he declares: “I want wealth! I want a lot of money! I want to earn a lot!"
What is this wealth for? What need will you satisfy?
Try to find answers to these questions.
Behind the desire for wealth lies the desire to satisfy your sensation
worthiness. When you looked at other children and your peers who owned everything, and you had nothing, you felt at a deep level as if you were a worthless person, an intolerable shame that you can approach only after 1-2 years of work. If, before that, a person has somehow worked on himself, the problem can be worked out faster. To smooth over the shame we feel, we hope to make a lot of money, buy ourselves an expensive car, a huge three-story house, rollers, thus trying to prove ourselves worthy.
However, if you compare the people of the post-Soviet space who have achieved great success with Europe, you can see a huge difference. In Europe, a person who has a lot of money drives the same car as everyone around him, and dresses the same, he does not have an insane desire to stand out in the crowd, to show his wealth. And this suggests that this person does not have such an injury. In our reality, there is also the trauma of insecurity (I will work even harder, because tomorrow someone will take everything away from me!). Moreover, due to the desire for ostentatious luxury, a person can finish the last piece of bread, but at the same time buy a car on credit.
Such ostentatious wealth doesn't make anyone happy. Many people, having achieved what they want, understand that they are not happy. Wealth should not be a goal, it is a path, a prize in the form of a large monetary reward for your work on yourself and development. As soon as money becomes a goal, it leads to even more neurosis.
In fact, you are wasting time working on something that is not needed by your psyche and soul.
Should you strive for wealth? Yes, it is, but it is imperative to understand what kind of internal need you are satisfying at the same time. In other words, your focus should be on ensuring safety, working on self-confidence and self-esteem (I am a decent person, no matter how much money I have in my wallet). No need to mix everything into one basket!
No matter how much money you earn, you will feel that someone is better, richer, there is a back in front of which you need to run to catch up. Stop comparing yourself to someone, you only need to compare yourself with yourself. Always be interested - am I happy, satisfied?
If you want to be happy, learn to appropriate your successes to yourself (in a year I have become better - I have stabilized and do not change jobs all the time, I earn more, I develop, etc.). Learn to develop confidence in your ability to earn, keep and stabilize what you earn, focus internal resources to take outside ones.
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