2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
"An open window cannot be broken." Metaphorical phrase. The heart is the main instrument of love. The wider the heart, the more fully the feelings are experienced, the more they absorb us. Translated from English, falling in love means to fall in love, and literally - to fall in love. Fall, dissolve, feel the sensation of free flight and weightlessness, trust. In legends and myths, such experiences are called romantic love. But if it is impossible to break an open window, then you can climb into it, cause destruction, leave dirty traces in the house, turn everything upside down and leave in English
The paradox of love lies in its duality. The flip side of manifesting love is fear.
Love and Fear walk side by side. We all want to love so much, but we don't want to get burned in love. We want to trust our partner, but not lose ourselves. Taking a step towards, we immediately move back, catching ourselves on the gloating thought: "What if …." We note with irony that the people close to us are the closer the further. On the one hand, I want to act like the great commanders who burned ships off the enemy shores so that there is no way back. I want to trust and believe that this time everything will be different, that there will be a lucky lottery ticket in our life, that we are all human, which means that we tend to make mistakes. I want to follow the Edison motto and discard failure as attempts that did not work and will inevitably lead to success.
On the other hand, the inner Observer is awake and insistently shouts: “Don't be a fool. Don't step on the next rake. When will you learn to draw conclusions?"
Conclusions are the most damaging thing in a relationship. They keep us in the strict rut of stereotypical thinking, making it narrow and us uncompromising. After all, they may be premature or incorrect. And where, no matter how in a relationship, we are convinced of the truth: that one is a gray routine, another is an impermissible luxury.
“The grave will fix the humpbacked grave”, “no matter how much you feed the wolf, he still looks into the forest” - we hastily hang such labels on those around us, thereby sending introjects that define our life into the subconscious.
You can endlessly talk about your love for the sea, while being afraid to drown. And no matter how exciting the sea voyage is, the fear that water can take our lives will negate all sensations.
To cope with our fears, we begin to lose sensitivity, we try to turn off emotions, demonstratively pretending that we did not really want to. Well, figs with that sea, there are so many interesting people around, and the liner is one of the best, the service is excellent.
You can diligently try to blur the eyes of others, but you cannot fool yourself. We will still dream of feeling the velvet of the touch of water on our skin, feeling its energy and warmth, vibrations of peace and infinity. And these obsessions will haunt us until we decide to meet Love and Fear at the same time. Yes, we run the risk of drowning, but we also run the risk of experiencing unforgettable feelings.
Once you take a chance, you get a chance to stay happy for life.
The experience of regret weighs in tons. You can continue to be afraid and dream about the sea, or you can put on your best swimsuit and step into the water. Not at breakneck speed, not as rabid, not with a running start, but gradually letting in a new experience into her space. There is we, there is water, and we mutually give birth to the experience of Intimacy and Love.
There are our internal borders, there are internal borders of our partner, and at the junction of two borders, the space of Proximity is born.
Walking towards each other, we are approaching the territory of Proximity. The meeting takes place in the middle. We have to leave our own shell of Fear and follow towards a new experience - Love and attachment to another. This is a meeting of two Selves in the neutral territory of Proximity. We do not allow another to enter our territory and do not try to climb into someone else's. We are not looking for guarantees and confidence that the other will correspond to our projections about him. We do not believe that as soon as the projections disappear, there will be no basis for a relationship.
Long-term relationships can arise between those who are able to look at each other as imperfect people who were able to love without false expectations and illusions. We realize that we cannot make another the bearer of our unlived life and unrealized possibilities. We know that there are many things we must do for ourselves without relying on someone else. First of all - to have your own inner life, which is not determined by changes in our relationships. This is the recognition of the individuality and uniqueness of another and his right to a personal meaning in life. This is an opportunity to remain whole, and not someone's half. It is a refusal to live your life through another person.
Is it scary? Undoubtedly. It is also scary in the territory of Proximity, but less than when we merge with each other, sweeping away all the boundaries between us, being in false projections and illusions.
To experience the experience of Proximity, one must not be afraid to be seen for who you are, without embellishment, with all the Shadows, and also allow the other to be who he is, and not who we would like to see in him.
Intimacy is allowing yourself to feel ambivalent about another. This is the ability to experience Love and happiness from contact with a partner and simultaneous pain and Fear that this will not always be so. It's a daily choice to be together even when it's tough. It is an experience of living with despair and patience. This is the ability to find strength in oneself when it is difficult, because you simply cannot devalue all the good that is in the other. This is an opportunity to fully experience ambivalent feelings, because you know that there is so much good in the other that there is enough for both of your lives together.
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