2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
An emotionally focused therapist is not a coach who teaches new communication skills or better ways to negotiate. The emotionally focused therapist is not a wise creator of insight into the influence of the past - how partners in parenting relationships can influence the current situation in marriage. The therapist is also not a strategist who uses paradoxes and symptom prescriptions. Nor is he a teacher who helps modify irrational expectations and beliefs about marriage and relationships.
The Emotionally Focused Therapist is more of a process consultant who helps partners process their experiences, especially their emotional experiences in a relationship, and directs a new dance in their relationship.
During the session, the therapist takes a collaborative position, sometimes following the partners, and sometimes becoming the lead but not the expert, who tells the spouses what their relationship should be
The goal of EFT is to rework experiences and reorganize interactions to create a reliable connection between partners, giving a sense of the security of togetherness. The focus is on attachment issues: safety, trust and contact, and anything that hinders it Since relationships are viewed primarily as an emotional connection rather than a rational arrangement, the therapist is not concerned with helping the couple find pragmatic solutions to existing problems through new agreements or conditions. When the relationship becomes more secure in a couple, spouses can use their existing skills to negotiate with each other; there is more clarity and less burdensomeness in issues that need to be resolved when the issues are not laden with conflicts and insecure attachment experiences.
Focus is the essence of any short term therapy. EFT believes that emotions play a central role in the drama of dysfunctional relationships and in their change. It is emotions that organize attachment behavior, which is a motivating force that directs us to other people and communicates our needs and desires to them. In EFT, emotions are not minimized, they are not taken under control and they are not simply named, but they are allowed to develop and differentiate. EFT describes this as unpacking the emotional reality of the client. Emotional experiences and the expression of emotions are seen as the goal and active force of change. Unpacking key emotions and using them as a basis for new reactions towards a partner is the “core” of change.
EFT is designed for 8-20 sessions with a couple. A prerequisite for the success of therapy is a positive therapeutic alliance with each partner. In the therapeutic process, three stages are distinguished, which are subdivided into nine steps.
Stage 1. Deexcalation of negative interaction cycles
- Building an alliance and delineating a circle of problematic topics at the heart of which is the struggle for affection
- Identifying negative interaction cycles related to these topics.
- Addressing unrecognized emotions that underlie positions taken in interaction.
- Redefining the problem in terms of the negative cycle, the underlying emotions and attachment needs. The cycle is defined as a common enemy, a cause of emotional deprivation and distress for both partners.
Stage 2. Changing positions in interaction
Identification with previously unrecognized emotions, needs and aspects of the Self in the context of attachment and their integration into the interaction of partners.
Creation of favorable conditions for accepting the partner's experiences and his new reactions in interaction.
Help and support in expressing needs and desires, creating emotional involvement and moments of intimacy between partners that redefine their attachment relationship.
Stage 3. Consolidation and integration
Help and support in finding new solutions to old relationship problems.
Consolidation of new attitudes and new cycles of attachment behavior.
References: Johnson M. The Practice of Emotionally Focused Marriage Therapy
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