2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In his work, the Gestalt therapist pays a lot of attention to working with polarities. Polarities are such opposite personal characteristics, which are, at the same time, on the same plane - they are the extreme poles of the same personality quality as yin and yang: gentle / rude, docile / persistent, hardworking / lazy, passive / active, altruistic / selfish etc.
The division of the world into black and white, good and bad, is a simplified model of reality that is effective in childhood, while the child's psyche is not yet able to embrace the world in all its ambiguous and contradictory manifestations. Such a model gives the child an understandable coordinate system by which he learns to interact with the world and those around him: "you can't take someone else's," "hitting other children is bad," "obeying your elders is good," and so on. In fairy tales and cartoons, this model is also used: there is always a villain and a hero, everything is clear and unambiguous.
However, such a model ceases to be effective in adulthood, because the world, in fact, is not two-dimensional, and we exist in a system of very different relationships: with someone we are open and friendly, with someone we keep distance and coolness. So, we can swap places in the cinema with a friend - to give him our own, more convenient, out of concern. But it will be very strange if some stranger brazenly takes our place and refuses to leave, and we, at the same time, will smile and ask "Is it more convenient for you here? Well, okay, I'm glad to take care of you. Maybe you want popcorn?" ".
Returning to yin and yang, polarities exist according to the same law - one is impossible without the other. In addition, the closer our "center" is attracted to one of the polar sides, the stronger the tension toward the other. There is an internal conflict between the real self and the ideal self. This conflict reduces the quality of life, limits freedom and eats up our resources - a person loses strength in the struggle with himself and with his resistance.
So, a person who has fallen into the polarity of hard work - a workaholic will not notice and even avoid his inner "lazy person", or even will punish himself with overtime at the slightest sign
laziness, denying oneself a rest, until it "finalizes" to chronic fatigue or some kind of illness.
From this it may seem that the Gestalt therapist in his work "balances" the polarities, returning the "center" to a point in the middle - but this is not entirely true. Absolute balance is impossible in a constantly changing environment - it is also unviable and ineffective, like being stuck on one of the polarities. Nothing in this world is static, including us, and in order to survive we need to change and adapt to changing environmental conditions. Flexibility is a prerequisite for this adaptation. Therefore, the Gestalt therapist explores polarities in his work in order to integrate both opposing sides.
The appropriated opposites then begin to coexist peacefully, the resource spent on suppressing these parts is released, freedom appears to choose a strategy of behavior depending on the actual conditions of the environment, and not from static internal beliefs and attitudes that are effective in some situations and disrupt adaptation in others.
Thus, a workaholic who has appropriated his inner "lazy person" learns to rest without remorse and recover, instead of hoping to lose his pulse.
Psychotherapy makes you different, teaches you to creatively adapt to changing environmental conditions.
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