2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
"If your sword is short, lengthen it with a step forward" (Lazar Ghosh)
This French proverb recently reminded me of an acquaintance. For all its simplicity, for me it reveals the deepest psychotherapeutic meaning. About how to live your life with high quality, even despite the fact of your imperfection.
In the treatment of narcissistic disorders, such internal work can last for a really long time, since the transformation of the structure of the psyche, psychological defenses (which are very, very ossified) must go through all the stages of mourning:
Negation - "No, not true, my sword is not short!" (anxiety, shame, refusal to call a spade a spade, and fear are key here)
Anger - "Heck! Heck! Now one more time … Damn! " (anger, rage, indignation, hatred, fear, envy and the desire to destroy "ideal Others" so that they do not shine)
Bargain - “If they stood closer, I would have been on horseback … (anxiety, anxiety, futile search for something new in the old conditions of denial of the real picture of the world, doubt in my vision and the beginning of the search for a new outlook on reality)
Despair - “Yes, they, bastards, are simply immortal … God, how awful I am! People do not live with such swords … (grief, pain, hopelessness, blaming others, complaints about the Universe, rejection of energy, stupor, depression)
Adoption “Am I still alive? So, they still live, and with such a short one too … (sadness, finding oneself as a survivor, humor, reducing pain, the emergence of new forces as the testing of reality is established)
Following what is planned and becomes possible, in fact, Way out of the crisis - Okay. Let it be short. But what would I do in this regard? …
Wow, I have a brain and legs! (the beginning of a creative search for options, the redirection of energy from the search for the guilty to the search for resources, the delight of finding the resources finally available, returns to the old stages become noticeably less frequent and last shorter, the content of anxiety changes).
Not everyone is destined to reach the end. If only because, in the existential sense, it is the basic given of the finiteness, in its various manifestations - as limitations, boundaries, limit, own non-omnipotence and inferiority - for people with a narcissistic structure (and to a lesser extent - with narcissistic trauma or defense mechanisms) it turns out to be especially unbearable, and therefore, so little possible for reconciliation with it.
It is precisely in the course of such a long work that requires a lot of courage that reconciliation with one's imperfection and non-omnipotence is possible. Following which, it is possible to accept the imperfection of the world and the Others inhabiting it. This usually helps a lot to change focus and begin to find in oneself and the Others what else - in addition to imperfections, everyone has, and in abundance.
This can begin a new round in the isolated life of these extremely exhausted people inside. There is a good chance to live next to others so that in a relationship it is harmless, safe and pleasant for everyone.
Recommended:
A Bit Of Narcissistic Defenses
In gestalt therapy, there is such a thing as egotism: - resistance, manifested in the simultaneous isolation from the external environment and from impulses (feelings, needs), or only in isolation from the external environment. This mechanism blocks the stage of the final contact of the cycle of actualization and satisfaction of needs and the assimilation of the experience gained.
The Little Man's Narcissistic Mother
This material is based not only on personal experience, but also on therapeutic observations of how my clients are feeling. Remember how many Russian classics have arguments on the topic of little people. Only I wanted to find this particular quote, and I also found it, making sure that I had confused the authorship:
Changing Habits A Little Bit
If we want emotional flexibility to be at the level of indicative lesson, and so that our behavior is consistent with our values, then we need to turn our intentional behavior into habits and deeply rooted them so that we no longer worry about their intentionality.
Changing Motivation A Little Bit
By trying to align our actions with what we want, we can double our self-discipline and willpower, but - as most people know from their own experience - this does not always yield the best results. You can go to the gym, but how often does it lead to regular exercise?
Changing The Settings A Little Bit
Thanks to Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck, we know about fixed and dynamic ways of thinking - more commonly called attitudes. People with fixed attitudes believe that such important qualities as mind and personality are fixed and unchanging.
