2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In gestalt therapy, there is such a thing as egotism:
- resistance, manifested in the simultaneous isolation from the external environment and from impulses (feelings, needs), or only in isolation from the external environment. This mechanism blocks the stage of the final contact of the cycle of actualization and satisfaction of needs and the assimilation of the experience gained. He characterized by control and observation of their behavior, which suspend spontaneity and do not allow to surrender to the action entirely … Egotism is associated with such behavioral and personality traits as excessive self-focus, egocentrism, narcissism. This resistance mechanism develops in the course of the psychotherapeutic process and at a certain stage of therapy performs a positive function, because leads to the acceptance of personal responsibility. However, the result of completed psychotherapy is the overcoming of egotism.
Except in therapy, this very control develops as a result of the child's creative adaptation to the environment. In order to be what mom and dad want, the child learns to control himself, literally every action, emotion, feeling, desire and thought. By adulthood, it becomes automatic and unconscious. It is very little possible to let go of this control on your own (bodily practices help), and it is impossible under pressure from outside. First of all, it performs a protective function - to prevent "imperfection" from getting out in the parent's view.
Due to total control, a person loses spontaneity, true ability to create, be direct, sincere, loses access to his desires and feelings, and, consequently, to their realization and satisfaction of his needs. A lot of energy is spent on control, chronic spasms are formed in the body, leading to psychosomatic manifestations. Fatigue and depression are frequent companions of this phenomenon. Although the same can be said about other psychological defenses. The key message of egotism is not even a phrase, but the question: "how to do it right?" To breathe correctly, to understand correctly, to sleep correctly, to walk correctly, to smile correctly, to cry correctly, to think correctly … (When you read these words, fatigue and irritation are not felt?) And with the help of control, a person seeks this way, through controlling most of his manifestations. It can be right not only because “right is good”, but also because “right is safe”. And it is in these two meanings that the needs lie: security and acceptance.
A controlling person controls both his loved ones and the relationship between them, this is expressed in constant "tugging".
Control is not only erotic, but also retroflexive and introjective in nature, as well as flow from fusion. Then it sounds like this:
- don't feel it
- you cannot do this (indecent, ugly)
- you should do the same as me
And also of a traumatic nature: God forbid you do that! This is dangerous! (this is when a child is frightened or severely punished).
Controlling behavior is also often manifested in the form of manipulation: "if you do this, then I will do so", where the subsequent action is punitive or a way of revenge.
In a relationship, the controller may try to control everything, from the distance between you to performing intimate procedures (for example, brushing your teeth or from which end you hit a boiled egg). Controlling mothers sound like this: "Did you eat? Did you pee? Did you do your homework? Did you collect your portfolio for school?" Or like this: "You did it wrong, and it is not so, and it is not so …" If you dare to resist the control, the controller reacts with anger, rage, resentment. By his tugs, checks, control and manipulations, he drives the partner (or the child) into a cage … And if the partner's self-esteem is low, he finds himself in a cage with a feeling of guilt and shame. And then he either destroys himself with these feelings, or tries to escape. The controller does the same with himself, then he tries to destroy himself with guilt, then to run away from himself (get drunk, forget, give up everything and leave, commit suicide).
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