2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
We often hear about the importance of loving yourself. Trainings, books speak about it, articles are written about it. "First, love yourself, then you can love another." That being said, there is very little explanation of what it means to love yourself like this. We have all heard the myth about the beautiful young man Narcissus, who, seeing his reflection in the lake, fell in love so much that he could not tear himself away. And he died
Therefore, in psychoanalysis there is a special concept “ secondary narcissism , Which is considered pathological in terms of mental health. A person who loves himself very much loves no one anymore. A person who loves others more, tries to please them to his own detriment, becomes a tortured victim of circumstances with shattered nerves. How to find harmony in yourself, love and accept yourself?
« Self-dislike"Is expressed in underlining, exaggerating one's own shortcomings, painful perception of oneself in society, a derogatory position in relationships. "I am not right, I am bad, I am wrong." That is, self-dislike is the inability to accept myself as I am. At the same time, a person develops only when he feels an acute lack of something. He tries to do his best to get what he lacks. Therefore, it is important to turn energy from the awareness of your lack, your shortcomings into a peaceful channel - into development, and not into aggression towards yourself.
Example: Small children under three years old love themselves unconditionally, as they are, gladly accepting all their features. And that's okay. With age, parents, teachers, other important significant adults tell the child what is wrong with him - crooked-handed, bow-legged, stupid, unintelligent (ugh, you can't even hold a spoon!), Etc. The child tries to change his behavior in order to earn the love of an adult. To be loved the way they used to. Neurotization occurs through mental trauma. Growing up, he will unconsciously strive for that state of shared love and acceptance, in which he was until the age of three.
All marketers who sell beauty products, for example, play on this feeling. The parameters of beauty and success have long been deduced. Constant dissatisfaction with oneself, shame and a sense of guilt from one's inconsistency with generally accepted norms pushes a person to constant "self-improvement" and "improvement", which in most cases are not needed. This applies not only to appearance, but also to internal qualities.
What is the behavior of a person who thinks he loves himself, but in fact does not accept? He constantly proves to everyone that he is right;
- He is conflicted in interpersonal relationships - he proves to others that he is better than them;
- He always strives to get much more than he really needs;
- He is constantly dissatisfied with himself, his position, his appearance;
- He spends a huge amount of energy to meet some ideals (someone else's or his - it doesn't matter)
Self-rejection drives a person into an invisible framework, from which it is impossible to break free on your own. He will always suffer because of his inadequacy. It can be expressed in different ways, often in chronic fatigue syndrome, nervous breakdowns, depression, or psychosomatic illnesses. When such a person enters therapy, its main task is to get rid of neurotic symptoms, inhibitions and character anomalies.
How to independently organize work to love yourself, secondary narcissism, self-dislike in order to channel your energy into a peaceful channel
It is important to understand what strengths and weaknesses you have, what can and should be fixed, how to do it, and what cannot be fixed, and you should just accept it as it is. To do this, you can perform a few simple exercises. It will take up to 30 minutes of your time and will help you understand yourself.
I. Take a sheet of A4 paper, divide it into five columns and fill in:
- My strengths - why can I love myself? What do others love about me?
- My weaknesses. All honesty and openness towards yourself is needed here.
- Which column 2. needs to be changed?
- How can I change this quality, what should be the result of the change.
- Which of Column 2. I cannot change - how are these qualities hindering me?
II. Remembering your strengths every morning develops love and self-confidence.
III. Draw up a detailed timetable for the development of weaknesses for points 2, 3 and 4
IV. Accept with gratitude point 5. Life is given once. We all have a right to weakness. After all, who said that these are disadvantages? If these qualities are the cause of destructive behavior, understand its mechanism and determine the desired scenario for the future.
Accepting myself for who I am, with all my positive and negative qualities, is true self-love. Loving yourself is not only about loving your reflection in the mirror, taking care of your body. This is when there is no acute sense of guilt and shame for their actions, and all energy is directed towards a constructive channel, towards development and creation. Try to stop proving yourself and others - this is the first step towards self-acceptance. The state of Zen is a feeling of life in the "here and now", when you do not think about the past (your shortcomings), you do not think about the future (how to fix them), but you enjoy every current moment, regardless of external circumstances.
Success in all your endeavors, harmony and prosperity, dear readers
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