2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Part 1.
Now the International Classification of Diseases 10 edition (ICD-10) is in force, and there narcissism belongs to personality disorders (F 60.8). However, it does not describe the specific characteristics of a narcissist, and this gives rise to a lot of speculation. Narcissists are beginning to call everyone who is not lazy. Even those who would be more suitable for the familiar word "asshole". However, perhaps someday we will see this diagnosis in the section "personality disorders" of the ICD. In addition, there is also an American classifier that describes in more detail the signs of a violation. Among them is the belief that everyone owes him and he is better than others; lack of empathy (that is, the ability to recognize and understand the feelings of another person, respect them), the inability to build deep relationships.
But how do you determine this by the appearance of a person? After all, daffodils can mimic very well. They imitate feelings even if they don't. Monstrously arrogant, they are able to show such humility that you will weep with admiration and consider this person a saint. Unable to sympathize with anyone, they consider your emotions by your face and use them to their advantage. This is the genius of creating the appearance of something standing in the place of a dummy. So how do you get through them?
Two things will be very telling - corny sentimentality and unbridled anger. They stem from the symptoms on the basis of which the experts make the diagnosis, and which I mentioned above. Now let's figure out what distinguishes them from the sentimentality and anger of normal people.
Just imagine, a woman works in an office, and her boss constantly forces her to stay late, shifts her responsibilities to her, and even demands to account for every minute spent. Once, when he detains her once again, she explodes and expresses whatever she thinks. Have you presented? Now it's a different story.
A young man with an excellent resume gets a job. He is sociable and finds a common language with everyone. Soon, almost the entire department will gladly help him, and for him work has become a pleasant pastime. But one day he asks his colleague:
- Will you make a presentation for the report?
She hesitates and finally answers:
- Sorry, but I have my work up to the neck. It would be in time.
The young man is furious, but does not show it in any way. Instead, he begins to punish the "apostate" - to spread gossip about her, to substitute for her work.
Which of these two stories do you think is about healthy anger and which one is about narcissistic? That's right, narcissistic anger is in the second situation. He differs from a healthy person in that he has no real basis - the narcissist himself invented that he was owed something or that he was not treated with enough respect. Or it is excessive, furious anger for an insignificant reason. It is not always visible, but its consequences (he tries to "punish" you) are always visible. To be continued.
Part 2.
In the last article, I discussed how the anger of a narcissist differs from that of a healthy person. Now let's deal with sentimentality. Normally, a person knows how to love and express his love. Of course, no one is expected to extend his love to everyone and everything. And, nevertheless, it applies to something: love, art, nature, parents, husband / wife, children, friends, creativity - in varying degrees and in different combinations.
The narcissist is basically incapable of feeling love. Like any homo sapiens, he has the potential for this (except in cases of brain damage), but his feelings are so deep that they cannot be reached (you will not even find that you can reach the feelings of a narcissist - just wasting your time, perhaps - all life).
However, you cannot completely suppress the feeling or need for it. So the substituts, substitutes, are coming out. Since the need for love is one of the strongest in the personality, for many narcissists (but not for all) it creeps out as sentimentality:
- Ooty-ways, how we grew up!
- When I go to work, I see homeless kittens and always feed them … So sorry for them, so sorry.
- I fell in love with you at first sight, I will love you as no one else has loved you!
- No, I cannot do that … It is contrary to my moral principles. Since childhood, I cannot offend people … My heart squeezes as soon as I think that I have hurt someone. And they … let them say what they want about me. I pray for them that God would help them to see and guide them on the true path.
Sentimentality, according to the Oxford Explanatory Dictionary of Psychology (ed. A. Reber 2002) - “Emotionality that is superficial, whiny, romantic and, in some respects, is doubtful of credibility. It should be distinguished with feeling."
By the way, almost all people become sentimental at some point in their lives. What distinguishes narcissists from ordinary people is that sentimentality always replaces true love for them. And the lamentations of the cat are a pity”will not prevent them from driving, like a tank, even over the closest people.
The article was first published on my Yandex Zen channel.
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