2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
You gave yourself to me all the time, and he gave me - ME
So says the heroine of the film with the tragic title "I ask you to blame Klava K for my death."
Nobody actually died. The boy (his name is Seryozha) did not rush off the cliff because of unhappy love. Although … Something really died in him at that moment. Children's conviction "my best gift is me!" … He had been in love with her since kindergarten. He did her homework for her, carried a briefcase, ran to get medicines when she was sick. He did a lot of things for her and FOR HER.
She was taken to the choir solely for her beautiful appearance. They told her to open her mouth in silence, because she had no hearing. And there are no special abilities for anything either. Well, she's beautiful - what else does a girl need? "Don't do anything - just walk!" And suddenly … another boy appears (his name is Lavrik), who says: “It cannot be that there is no ability for anything. Let's check - maybe you have a hearing, only an internal one. " And it turns out - there really is. And she can SING, and not only open her mouth, decorating the choir with her external data.
But not every Klava manages to meet such a Lavrik. And far away on every Seryozha - to bump his forehead against reality in the face of a suddenly beloved lover. But what about sacrifice? Self-giving? To give everything without demanding anything in return - isn't this the very essence of love? Let's be honest. After all, doing all this - you do not require anything … except LOVE! And love, as you know, is not for sale. Even in exchange for self-sacrifice and bestowal. It is either there or it is not.
How about another feat for the sake of the beloved (beloved)? Give up your expectations, not turn him (her) into a field for self-realization and embodiment of your own ambitions, but see the best, the brightest and the unique in him (her), support in revealing his (her) talents, and not the embodiment of your own dreams? Rejoice in what he (she) can give to this world, and not what you give, give, give? MYSELF! And he (a) - accepts-accepts-accepts. YOU
After all, constantly giving something, investing - you thereby turn him (her) into a branch of yourself. You replicate yourself without leaving him (her) free space. He (she) is no longer visible behind the mountain of your gifts. Whom do you love at the same time? YOURSELF AND ONLY YOURSELF.
Surrounding another person with your care and attention, you thereby mean that he is a helpless cripple. He will be lost without you. Of course, each of us has such moments when we need care - we got sick, for example, or grief happened. But if caring and custody are the only expressions of love that you are capable of, you thereby force the person to be constantly sick and unhappy. It is not surprising if he will put up with this role and begin to receive his "benefits" - he will demand more, more and more from you, constantly accusing you that you are taking care of the wrong, not in the right way.
And here an interesting discovery awaits you. You don't love or value yourself. You constantly need confirmation of your own value, significance for another person. "After all, he (a) will be lost without me!"
Yes - it is much more difficult to love a strong, bright, self-confident person! It is not only you who need it. Many admire him, many want to communicate with him, many will be happy with his company. He may at any moment be interested in someone else more than you.
"A smart woman looks after herself, and a stupid woman looks after her husband." This applies to men no less.
Selfishness? No, just “giving yourself” is what real selfishness is, what it is. While enjoying self-sacrifice, you are celebrating your pride. And you get rid of your own "shadow" qualities - they are present in each of us. After all, self-sacrifice can justify outbursts of anger, and arrogance, and suppression of other people's interests and much more "wonderful".
Stopping constantly giving and donating - you are left alone with yourself. With all the good and evil present in your soul. And you will have to face it. And love. Is it not from this that you are running, constantly giving yourself?
The author of the article - Lana Taiges (Maslova Svetlana Vladimirovna) (c)
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