2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
"Sooner or later, you will have to give up hope for a better past" Irwin Yalom
It is natural for a person to look for answers in his own past, to place anchors in it, to settle in it forever. And each of us has something to regret in our past. Everyone in him has pain, crises, guilt, humiliation, physical or psychological abuse, shame, anger and many things that "it would be better if they never happened." Sometimes we do not understand "why is this to me", sometimes we just want to forget about everything or even push them into the unconscious - we practice selective amnesia. Sometimes, on the contrary, we cling to memories and live in a sticky cold nightmare of the past.
Sometimes it even seems to us that if it had not … then … There are many options: if my mother had not weaned me too early … if my father had not left the family when I was 4 years old … if I had not been sent to a nursery in 1, 5 years … if … if … if … then everything would have turned out much better. We strive to argue with reality, as if this is possible.
It is impossible to challenge reality. What happened was exactly what happened. There is no time machine with the help of which it would be possible to change something that no longer exists anywhere except in our memory. The only thing that can be changed is our attitude. We can stop seeing the past as a problem and start seeing it as a resource for unlimited growth. What truth makes sense is to invest in a better relationship with yourself. When we value and respect who we are - with all the crap, then it's easier for us to respect the experience that made us this way. Getting rid of overworlds helps a lot along the way. The understanding that each of us is doing the best we can at every moment of time is relaxing. If we could do better right now, we would. This means that at the moment this is the maximum. Additional strength comes only from relaxation, not from tension. Even childbirth is better and painless if you relax at the time of labor. Being in the moment "here and now", full awareness, acceptance of everything as it is - these are the components of extra-energy.
My past is full of everything. Both joys and pains. And love, and its absence. And togetherness and loneliness. And physical weakness, and efforts to overcome it. There was blinding happiness and suffering at the limit. And I would never leave what seems "good" to me, throwing overboard everything that the mind recognizes as torment. Because both happiness and suffering made me exactly who I am. And I like myself.
There are many awakening experiences in pain, and often through pain we gain empathy and the ability to help others. Nothing opens other people's hearts more than the phrase "this happened to me" - a similar experience generates trust. Our helping hand will be more readily accepted when they see that we understand what we are talking about. Some circles of hell at the moment of passing seemed to me absolutely meaningless, but when I managed and people who were exactly on the same circles of hell began to be attracted to me, and I effectively helped them, the meaning appeared.
Sometimes it seems that the past does not let go. That seemed to have already, it seemed, coped with the problem, but it manifests itself again. Nietzsche said: "In fatigue, we are again seized by concepts that have long been overcome." A slight regression is not a complete return, don't be intimidated. It means that something has not been fully lived there yet. All experiences are worth living honestly, to the end. And don't be afraid of relapses.
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