2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Two Buddhist monks approached a wide river. A young woman stood on the shore and cried, she needed to go to the other side. She asked the monks to help ferry her. The young monk refused because it was forbidden to touch a woman. The senior monk, without hesitation, took the woman in his arms and carried her across the river. The younger monk began to reprimand the mentor for breaking the vow and could not get rid of the feeling of annoyance until the evening, along the entire journey. At the halt, the young monk complained of fatigue, to which the elder replied: “No wonder you are tired! I carried the woman across the river and left her on the bank, and you carry her to this day."
It would seem that enough time has passed, a lot of books and articles on the topic of parting have been read, everything is comprehended and everyone is forgiven. However, thoughts about past relationships no, no, yes, they come to mind, burn the soul with fire and shed tears from their eyes. Why? What for? For what? The answer is simple - as long as you regret what you left in the last union, all this will not let you go! And we leave a lot - this is hope, and plans for the future, and feelings, and sensations, and responsibility, and material costs, and care, and emotions, and expectations, and time, and love, of course! How to return back all that was given over the years? Theoretically, it is very easy to let go, but in fact, this work is not easy. No joke, letting go, for example, 15 years of life! However, if you look at this time as a certain experience, as lessons, draw certain conclusions and ask yourself: “How / how did I get out / got out of the relationship? What did I / got in them? Where is the future heading me without this person? " It is quite possible (even, most likely!), You are destined for a better future "without" than "with". For awareness, do the exercise: describe your future in five years in two versions (together - not together) and see what horizons will open to you without this person in your life. Thus, you can say goodbye to expectations, hopes and general plans.
Next, you need to work on your feelings that remained with the ex-beloved / loved one that you gave. Ask yourself, when did you give feelings, were you asked about it? Someone made you love, care, worry about a person? No! All this you did only to please yourself and only yourself! It was a pleasure for you to give. The only question is whether you expected something in return or not. Usually, when they give, hoping for a return, they later suffer from empty expectations. See how it was with you, did you enjoy unconditional love, or did you expect a reward for it? Analyze where is your pain? What it consists of: self-pity, resentment, lack of self-love, etc. It is easier to work through unconditional love, because you mentally return not what you expected, but exactly what you gave, that is, yours. There are several techniques that psychologists use in therapy that will speed up the return process. If you had a lot of expectations and resentment accumulated, you will have to work longer and harder. Here, in addition to therapy, letters of complaint will help, write until then (at least a hundred letters) until you pour out of you: anger, irritation, resentment. Write, do not be lazy every day until the source of negativity directed at the ex / ex dries up.
How to get back the time? In my opinion, this is even easier, the main thing is to understand that there is absolutely nothing to regret! Being in an unhealthy relationship, you would lose much more - real years, and, most likely, you would spend the second half of your life on psychosomatics treatment, or even lose your life altogether. And remember that at that time you were doing the best (of all possible for you) way. It is also useful to constantly return oneself to the "here and now", the past is gone, the future is illusory, there is only NOW.
Material losses are trifles that are not even worth discussing, the world is abundant and if you gave with love, then, according to the Laws of Karma, you will return dozens of times more!
Feelings - this aspect should be considered from the side of the emotions that you experienced next to your ex, but do you understand, all that you felt was not her / him, but YOURS! Yes, perhaps it was to this person that you reacted in this way and felt him this way, but all this came from your beautiful heart. Therefore, yours is always with you! There are countless reserves of love and kindness hidden inside. Believe me, there are many people in the world who are able to “turn on” emotions in you, and in the future, these emotions may well develop into deep feelings. Although, the option is not excluded that you will understand the true residence of happiness (it always lives inside each of us), and you do not need anyone from the outside, you yourself can turn on your joy. The presence of a loved one will, in this case, be a pleasant bonus, “the cherry on the cake,” as my young, precocious friend once put it.
Total: if you calmly figure it out, then you can dissolve the PAIN with which absolutely everyone leaves the relationship, both abandoned and abandoned. Looking behind the scenes, you need to see everything that you have forgotten, as soon as you return it all (by letting go or realizing), the pain will leave you, and the world will sparkle with new bright colors.
I wish you all awareness, lightness and healthy harmonious relationships!
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