Adopting Parents. Practical Exercise

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

This is a hands-on exercise in parenting acceptance and improving internal dialogue with parents. Recommended for everyone, because the foundation of personality development is healthy internal relationships with parents

It is necessary to take a photograph of the parents (separately - to mother's, separately - to father's, it is important that no one else is present in the photograph!). If there is no photograph, then you can write the name of the mom and the name of the dad on a piece of paper (if the name is unknown - just "mom" and "dad").

Next, we put two chairs opposite each other. On one chair we put a photograph (or a sheet of paper with a written name), on another chair we sit down ourselves. We close our eyes. We first imagine one parent sitting opposite (say, it will be a mother). You need to imagine in as much detail as possible (wrinkles, freckles, hair, clothes, posture in which mom is sitting, facial expression, etc.). Further, to imagine what stands between you is some kind of obstacle, a lump of mutual grievances and claims, unjustified expectations, and so on. It can feel like fog, smoke, slime, a wall - the image can be anything!

So let's start talking to mom, we express ALL grievances, everything that has accumulated over the years, that hurt, all our pain! No censorship. You shouldn't be bothered by the thought that "you don't talk to mom like that." Or, if the mother is no longer alive - what about the dead, "either good, or not at all" … The end result of such a conversation is the acceptance of the mother, so you are not doing anything bad. After you have spoken out, have expressed everything, sit down on your mother's chair. Place the pads of your index and middle fingers on your chest in the area of the heart and say "I am not me now, but now I am a mother." And feel like a mother, enter this image, imagine how your mother feels, feels.

And start talking on her behalf on everything that you just told her about your feelings, about your pain. What will she say? Will she ask for forgiveness? She will probably explain the motives for her actions.

She can, in turn, say about some of her grievances and grievances. After your mom speaks, move back to your chair. Place the pads of the index and middle fingers on your chest, in the heart area and say "I am not a mom now, I am now me." And check if what was between you originally has scattered. How has this changed? The conversation, the conversation must be continued until the moment when IT disappears altogether. This may not happen the first time, but the end result is a clean, free from obstacles, space between you and the parent.

After you have finished the conversation, kneel in front of your mother or squat down (like a small child) and say, looking into your mother's face:

Mom, you are big, and I am small (small).

You give and I accept.

I am your son / your daughter and you are my Mom.

Thank you for your life, I accept you for who you are. And I accept your life as it is.

Thank you for giving me life!"

Stand with your back to your mother and imagine her placing her hands on your shoulders (you are still squatting or kneeling in the position of a small child). And imagine how generic force, generic energy comes to you through your mother's hands. Mom is the guide of the clan. She transfers strength and energy from her parents, from her grandparents - to you. Feel this power on your back. When you have enough nourishment, you can get up, open your eyes.

Do the same with dad.

It is important not to restrain the emotions that will rise as a result of doing this task. If you want to cry - cry, you want to scream, swear - you need to do it. The essence of the exercise is CLEANSING and ACCEPTANCE. Through the acceptance of the parents, the life of the parents, there is also the acceptance of SELF.

(C) Anna Maksimova, psychologist