7 KINDS OF LOVE. A Practical Guide To Relationships

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In my work with clients, I often and successfully use this classification - especially in family counseling. So thank you ancient Greeks! Here - I share.

And so, let's go.

MANIA

The ancient Greeks called this kind of love “madness from the gods”.

Love-mania is considered a punishment. This is love-obsession.

She makes a man in love suffer. Write poetry. Not eating or sleeping.

In the short term, it is acceptable in healthy relationships, especially in early adolescence.

If it is delayed, it speaks of a craving for unhealthy relationships, impoverishment of the individual and requires referral to a specialist. A little psychotherapy will help.

Especially if love-mania brings suffering and the object of passion.

Then the “lover” strives to be with his beloved all the time, tries to control him, experiences insane passion and jealousy. Also, the lover experiences mental pain, confusion, constant tension, uncertainty and anxiety. He is completely dependent on the object of adoration.

The object, if okay, from such an ardent love, begins, on the contrary, to avoid the person in love with him and makes attempts to break off the relationship, disappear from his life.

This kind of love is destructive. Fortunately, it is short-lived, with the exception of sadomasochistic relationships - which is not very healthy and heals.

Just think that so much was praised by poets and was considered almost the standard of love - it turned out to be a disease. Ironically. But human society was still not so delusional.

LUDUS

This is love-sport, love-game, love-passion or competition. This love is based on sexual attraction, but without the desire to bestow. This is consumer love. That is, love is the opposite. Well, everyone has heard of pick-ups.

Such people can keep lists of partners and count victories, or they simply uncontrollably find a partner for the evening - not really remembering what happened. As you can imagine, men are more inclined towards this relationship - but there are no rules without exceptions.

Feelings in Ludus are superficial, which means they cannot satisfy partners completely, they always lack something in a relationship, and then the search for other partners begins. In parallel, such sex addicts can maintain a relationship with their regular partner.

AGAPE

It is sacrificial, unselfish or UNCONDITIONAL love.

The lover is ready for self-sacrifice in the name of the beloved.

This love combines mercy, tenderness, reliability and devotion.

This kind of love is known to all happy parents.

And our children are, perhaps, the ONLY ones who are worthy of such love, and even then - in early childhood.

And when they grow up, it is better for parents to build such rules so that there are no casualties.

Agape finds expression in an incessant responsiveness and constant concern for other people.

In partnerships, the line between Agape and masochistic addiction disappears and turns into equal. That is, it is not permissible. Why?

The urge to give more than take is exhausting the giver. A healthy relationship involves fair exchange. If Agape is required of you, explain that your partner is confusing something and you are not his parent.

Agape can be found in the heart of a church minister who serves a high rank, in the heart of a religious fan, a member of a sect. Here she mixes with Mania.

All three types of relationships are based on a feeling of love - but are completely unsuitable for healthy partnerships. In addition, they bring suffering to one of the partners.

BUT WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

To cultivate other types of love in our hearts and learn to recognize them - at least potentially - in others.

The following types of love are useful and pleasant for the soul and body, as well as for family life in general.

EROS

Enthusiastic, passionate love, based primarily on the attractiveness of a loved one, as well as on sexual attraction.

What used to be called romance. And now - just a novel.

This is love-the joy of having a partner, pleasure from his body. In this phase of love, the idealization of the beloved takes place. And then - he understands what.

Eros is the beginning of all love relationships in the world.

It is believed that this phase of falling in love lasts an average of three years, plus or minus a year, but each couple has their own individual story. Happy are those couples whom Eros visits many times during their life together.

In this phase, early hasty marriages take place, happy children are born who grow up in the love of their parents. But these same children can also destroy love-eros - after all, with their appearance it is time to move on to the next stage of love (see below), and not everyone is capable of this.

PHILIA

The Greeks considered it a kind of platonic love. This is love-friendship.

But now it turned out that a good marriage cannot do without it either.

Moreover, when Eros fades away, it is Filia who throws up the firewood that warms family love relationships.

If you have Filia, it means you and your partner have a good time.

Sometimes you are pleased to watch a movie or football together, play cards, go on a hike or visit with your children, listen to music or just talk until the morning.

Plato extolled her as true love.

They say about such a partner - we are very attached to each other.

In such relationships, both friendly and family, equality and harmony often reign.

STORGE

This mysterious word hides love for a relative. To a loved one.

Such people have traveled a lot together. And they may not be delighted with their object - but they will tear for it. And they will give it all - if you need help.

This is love for someone who has not been chosen or has been chosen for a very long time.

We all feel this type of love for our homeland.

This is our love for our parents.

And even a cousin from Kiev - if someone says a crooked word about her.

PRAGMA

This is the same kind of love.

Romantics, infantiles and creative personalities are so afraid of this word - but completely in vain. After all, it is not her that keeps the main value of humanity - FAMILY.

This is rational love or love of convenience. But not that calculation, when a person manipulates another for his own benefit. And when he expects that he is a good partner in order to walk together through life.

A good share of Pragma in a relationship enriches both partners. Because one is good at this, and the other is that. And when they are together - a couple or a family receives a comprehensive enrichment.

I also call the comfort of being together Pragma. General views on life, the number and way of raising children, vacation plans. This is when people have common VALUES. For example, we both love to eat well, buy a lot of food, talk about what to cook for dinner, invite guests. Or - we don't bother with this at all.

How the absence of Pragma can get in the way, it becomes clear if you imagine that one loves to eat and cooks deliciously, while the other does not understand how time and money can be spent on this. If such a partner tends to devalue the values of another, he will begin to condemn and criticize the food lover. And he will feel misunderstood and unhappy.

But if there is no Pragma - but there is mutual respect for the values of the other - the relationship will survive that too.

So how do you choose a partner at the first stage?

See if he loves anyone at all in his life. And how does he love?

Is it active love - or just words.

If a person does not love anyone in the world - but loves only you - most likely it is an addiction or symbiotic affection.

And if he loves mom, dad, children, a cat, at last - and TAKES GOOD CARE of them - you are in safe and loving hands.

Let's be loved!