2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Jackson Mackenzie, co-founder of an online community that supports victims of psychopaths and manipulators, has compiled five common phrases manipulators use to undermine your independence.
1. You are exaggerating everything
Of course, we all sometimes attach too much importance to trifles. However, with manipulators it turns out that in fact you are always right. Manipulators will deliberately do things that make you feel paranoid. For example, flirt with your ex in front of everyone, and then they will tell you what you thought you shouldn't make an elephant out of a fly. And in a month it will be found out that it was with this ex that they cheated on you.
The manipulator's goal is to make you doubt your own intuition and feel like a bloody detective. They will constantly throw hints at you to make you feel anxious, and then they will blame you for it.
2. I hate drama
And at the same time, it is around the manipulators that dramas are constantly played out. At first they will extol you and your wonderful character, but very soon they will get tired of it. Manipulators are pathological liars, serial crooks and eternal victims. Manipulators deliberately stage provocations and, when you react, accuse you of putting on a drama they hate so much. You will feel guilty about reacting to their disgusting behavior.
3. You are too sensitive
The manipulator's job is to provoke you to emotions. First, they will praise you and sing praises, and then they will suddenly turn on a tough blackout without warning or reason and will wait for your reaction. And when you react, they will accuse you of being too sensitive or demanding. They will insult, belittle and criticize you (usually as a joke, teasing), pushing your personal boundaries until you rebel. And for your reaction they will accuse you of insanity. Manipulators are able to make a person defenseless and insecure - for this they only need time.
4. You misunderstood me (a)
Of course, there are misunderstandings and mistakes in any pair. But manipulators deliberately arrange provocations. And when you react, they turn everything upside down and accuse you of getting it all wrong. Often they even deny that they said anything. This is called "gaslighting" - when they deliberately say or do something in order to then accuse others of misunderstanding (or completely deny that what they said or did took place at all). In fact, you got it right. They are simply trying to make you question your sanity.
5. You are out of your mind / drunk / jealous / crazy about me and so on
Sticking labels is a favorite tool of the manipulator. According to their data, all their colleagues, former lovers, friends are either crazy, or alcoholics, or jealous, and God knows who else is there. Do not hesitate - a shortcut is already ready for you. You will become just one more in an endless cycle of idealization and devaluation, which falls into every unfortunate person who happens to be on their way.
The only way to get out of this destructive relationship is to end all contact. No messages, calls, emails or social media friendship. Otherwise, you can be sure - they will do everything possible and impossible to drive you crazy.
The good news is that if the manipulator is trying to make you doubt your intuition, then it is creating problems for him. Manipulators try to psychologically destroy anyone who might threaten their illusion of a normal life. Therefore, when they start playing "mind games" with you, consider that you correctly noticed that something is wrong with them.
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