Five Phrases That Can Make Your Child Unhappy

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Sooner or later, the child will follow your example,

not your advice …

Parents most often themselves understand their mistakes in upbringing. But how to deal with these, because we are raising our children the same way we raised us? These phrases, the destroyers of the soul, jump out of us just automatically. Replace them. Replace them with constructive, positive ones. Parental convention is the greatest bondage in the world. It's time to change destructive phrases before they make their unfavorable adjustments.

“Don't go through the puddles! Don't go to the red light! Don't go out naked! " Is it anxiety or fear of losing control when the parent is not around the child? Because of our fear of the unknown, we begin to mold ourselves from the child, our own model of life, although we always admit our mistakes for ourselves and want the best for the child than we have. Instead of saying what not to do, it is better to say how to do it. Replace the destructive phrase with a bit of “not” with a constructive one: “Walk through the puddles in rubber boots! Cross the road to the green light! Dress for the weather! " By changing a negative statement to a constructive one, we form a positive approach to life, not only in the child, but also in ourselves. Do not put obstacles for children, and without you they will appear.

"You won't leave the table until you finish eating!" What is the usual phrase for us … How do you know how much food a child needs at the moment? After all, he is not a robot or a machine. We often overfeed our children, which deprives them of their vitality and leads to obesity. And there is also a very important point. If a child is forced to eat from childhood, you may be surprised, then you are depriving him of the vital right to say "no." Such a child, becoming a teenager, and getting into an unfavorable company (at least once, but every teenager is faced with the negative influence of a bad company) cannot refuse to take alcohol, drugs, and smoking. The ability to say “no”, “I don’t want”, “I will not” is very important here. But the child remembers that “I don’t want” him is irrelevant, he will be forced anyway. He is already accustomed not to listen to his body, but to indulge the pressure of others. Initially, the child may not want to drink or smoke, this is unnatural. But it is precisely by giving in to persuasion, going against his natural desires, that the child can try, what he did not want, through force. I will not describe in this article what such "tastings" lead to.

When inviting your child to the table, say: “ Here's your portion, if you want more - there is a supplement! Eat as much as you want! "

"Don't cry, you're a boy!" First of all, he is a person who has the right to cry, laugh, get angry, i.e. show your emotions. Hiding, pushing your emotions deep into yourself, cannot last all the time. Sooner or later, they will bulge out, break through. And then there will be little space for everyone. How can explosions of emotions manifest? Suddenly, due to the slightest trifle, an outbreak of anger in the form of screaming, destructive actions, a fight, excessive use of alcohol, drugs in early and adulthood.

Replace the familiar setting with the phrase: “Crying does not mean showing weakness. Everything passes, and this too … Masculinity will manifest itself in strong, noble, just deeds, set an example with your life, do not need beautiful phrases. This does not work.

"No matter what I say, no matter how I scold, I still love you!" It is a very big mistake to think that the child knows about your love for him. A child takes words literally - if he is told that he is stupid, he will think so. And, believe me, he will not notice your love or just a bad mood behind this phrase of yours. You said and forgot right there, and he has to live with this attitude all his life. Recently, my son and I talked about the time when he was little, I told him something about kindergarten, his funny first words. And he suddenly asked: "Mom, and dad, and when I was little yelled at me?" (we divorced his father when his son was 5 years old). “He often scolded you, even when you were little” (now, unfortunately, he also treats his son rudely, thinking that he is raising him in this way as a real man) - I answered without thinking about the consequences. “And I thought that even in childhood he loved me” - my 20-year-old son, in fact, an adult already, became sad. My heart sank, I so regretted my thoughtless phrase.

Replace the phrase: "You are a liar, a coward" to "You acted unfairly, unfairly." Talk about the actions, not the personality of the child.

Tell us how you feel, experience : “I get very upset when you hide bad grades from me. Anyway, sooner or later I will find out about it, and then I will be doubly offended, for the fact that you have bad grades, and also for the fact that you hid it from me. Children know little about how their parents feel, and the parents themselves are to blame.

"Yes, if you are not controlled, you will not do anything at all!" - this is how parents usually answer, expressing their opinion, to the well-grounded indignation of the child with total control on your part. These questions are: “Where did you go? Why don't you call? " In such cases, parents are also driven by their own fear, and children are perceived as dependent, incapable subjects of this "difficult" life. Mistrust, insecurity and fear of missing something are what really worry parents. The saddest thing is that a fully capable, healthy child becomes an insecure, disorganized, anxious person. If the child is not himself, to the best of his ability to overcome difficulties, where will he get the willpower?

Tell the child : "Always know that you have us, we will always come to your aid when you need it" … Do not impose your opinion on the child, believe in him. Give him the opportunity to choose his own path and follow it. If the child is mentally healthy, if you believe in him, treat his personality with respect, love healthy love, he will not do anything wrong, he will not choose the path of a loser, you can be sure.

Do not move your legs for the child, he is able to do it himself. Protect him, first of all, from your beliefs, fears, criticism, judgments, restrictions, they cripple the child, are transmitted to him, absorbed into him. Don't cling to your generation's experience. Life changes, taste habits, lifestyle change, how do you know how he will be better? Enjoy the change and give your child the invaluable right to be himself.