Your Unique Femininity. Part 1

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In childhood, as little girls, we wore mother's heels, a dress, painted our lips with red lipstick, thus trying on femininity. Dreaming of becoming like a mother or a beautiful actress, a little girl is already choosing the features of her femininity. In her nature, the answer is what she is, the main thing is to find, and she is looking for different facets of her uniqueness all her life.

Each woman is unique in her beauty, manifestation of inner qualities, desires and goals, and yet, something unites us all. We all listen to the advice of stylists, make-up artists, develop on women's trainings, attend courses or groups, training and developing some qualities in ourselves. Let's figure out why we need self-improvement and what is true femininity?

Turning to the definition of femininity (femininity) -

“This is a set of qualities traditionally attributed to women and expected from women. These qualities are: sensitivity, tenderness, gentleness, sacrifice, compassion and humility."

I realized that it requires more clarification and adjustments. After all, each of you can add to this list and delete something from it. And here one cannot do without deepening to our roots. We will go to the very first woman who appeared on Earth.

Turning to our unconscious, we will see two poles of femininity, which at one time were women of one man. Lilith and Eve are two wives of Adam, the first man created by God.

Let's consider each of them without touching upon the aspect of myths and the religious component of these characters, but only the quintessence of female qualities inherent in them and sung in works of art.

“You heard about Eve, of course, more than once, About the foremother Eve, who keeps the hearth, But with some anxiety … And this story

It was funny madness and darkness for you.

Lilith has a crown of inaccessible constellations, In her countries, diamond suns bloom:

And Eve has both children and a flock of sheep, There are potatoes in the garden, and comfort in the house.

You haven't recognized yourself yet.

Eve - are you or Lilith?"

Fragment of Nikolai Gumilyov's poem "Eve or Lilith".

Lilith is created from dust, the first beloved of Adam, equal to him according to the plan of the Creator. Seductive and fearless, proud and free, intelligent and independent, stubborn and rebellious. She lives at the call of a rebellious heart, she leaves her husband, who does not want to recognize her equality.

Eva - constancy, home comfort and stability are dear to her. She is a true wife, she needs confidence in the future, guarantees and obligations. The foremother of all people, she aspires to the development of future generations.

Lilith is for the ultimate attraction for a man, this is the willingness to put his life on the line for the sake of her embrace. In sex, she is primarily interested in pleasure.

Eva is a quiet haven for a man, where you can relax and you are always welcome. Sex for her is an opportunity to conceive a child and devote her life to her family.

The qualities, values and attractions inherent in the figures of Lilith and Eve are the personification of two bipolarities presented in the psyche of a modern woman. We can assume that this is where the conditional separation of Light and Dark femininity takes place. Of course, in each of us in some percentage, each heroine is represented, moreover, in different periods of our life this ratio changes.

Some authors described different female forms, so Hans Blucher established "2 female structural forms", "spouse" (Penelope) and "free woman" (Calypso). Let me remind you that Penelope is the wife of Odysseus, faithfully waiting for him for twenty years, and Calypso is the lovely nymph of the island, keeping Odysseus with her for 7 years, hiding him from the rest of the world and promising him immortality if he stays with her.

Tony Wolfe, with her observations, identified 4 forms of the female psyche: Mother-spouse, Heter, Amazon and Medium. This division helped to describe the different types of femininity in even more detail.

“One form of these four is predominant in every woman, the second complements, perhaps unconsciously. The third and fourth integrate only in adulthood and in conditions of difficulty”- this is how Tony Wolfe describes the process of individuation of a woman.

Let's look at the signs of individual forms, their strengths and weaknesses. This will enable each of you to determine what is unique about your femininity and will allow you to outline the ways of its development. Femininity flourishes in contact with masculinity (masculinity), therefore, all the following qualities are considered in the context of these relationships.

Mother-wife

Her instinct is for development.

Positive aspect:

- she protects the man, improves, surrounds him with attention and takes care of him (literally "raises")

- helps and compassionately educates the spouse, creates a space of stability and support

- everything that belongs to his position in the world develops and supports. The image of the family is very important to her.

- she cultivates in him the qualities of a spouse and father of children.

Negative aspect:

- maternal care and keeping to himself, even in cases when he no longer needs it;

- lack of confidence in his own forces

- deprives of independence, interfering in his life

- my own I experiences only in maternal functions and is inconsistent outside of it. Not recognizing some aspects of her personality, she projects them onto other people (living her husband's career, circles of her daughter or son and realizing her dreams or desires by imposing them on others)

- relations with a man are limited to the roles of a spouse, a mother-father or a guardian, what else is in him, in addition to this, seems threatening to her, is ignored and suppressed (to his amusements and frivolous hobbies, at best he is condescending, at worst completely forbids and he has to hide them from her, and implement them on the side)

- a man at home only feels like a “son” or a necessary tool (in matters of raising children, he has no right to vote, he is pushed aside by the words “I am a mother - I know best”).

If you are aware of your prevailing maternal structure, then she will require you to realize it either in marriage or in maternal professions. An ideal partner is a man with whom family and social values coincide, as well as aspirations for development and stability.

A mother is a wife, an ideal companion for a man who is determined to grow socially. For a man, she is a “transition” from childhood (life with her mother, where she was the main woman), to adulthood, to reaching the “zenith” of his success and implementing the program “raised a son, planted a tree and built a house”.

I hope you guessed that the division into positive and negative aspects is rather arbitrary. Each trait is very individual and here are only sketches that will give you a glimpse of yourself.

Hetera

Her instinct is directed towards the man's personal psychology.

Positive aspect:

- teaches a man to see the beauty in the world and other people. Admire everything that surrounds, enjoying the fact that it just exists. Appearing in the life of a man, she opens a new world for him, the senses of perception are sharpened (with her, he can just drink coffee and get drunk from it). Often, when men come into contact with Hetero, they say that she has revealed a new Him to them.

- his individual interests, inclinations and problems are in her field of vision. She knows how to listen to him, and he wants to share everything with her. She stimulates and assists in solving problems or making connections, acquaintances

- makes the man feel personal value

- awakens his manly responsibility with all his personality. The inspirer, he wants to take care of her and help, it is next to her that he feels his masculinity at the peak

- she quickly frees a man from stagnation. The destruction of the familiar and established is her element

- positive, with all its might drives away sadness, grief, grief. She needs to be always cheerful and cheerful.

Negative aspect:

- the dominant is personal interest in a man, his social stability and position are secondary

- awakens his Shadow side in a man, those qualities that he did not realize in himself

- she can insist on illusion or nonsense, thus acting as a seductress. And he begins to see reality through her eyes. A man can quit his job and become a "creative artist", part with his wife, as he feels better understood by Hetero

- Hetera loves love itself, not a man

- always suggests breaking the rules: love for someone else's spouse, a whirlwind romance outside of marriage. Great love for her is always a little crazy and heroic (“To love someone you can't love” is her motto)

No matter how bright and attractive the relationship is for a Hetera woman, sooner or later there will be a question about the desire for a reliable marriage or professional position. This need often unconsciously penetrates into relationships with a man and spoils their regularity.

Such a woman appears in a man's life most often when changes are ripe in his life, and he resists them out of fear. Or when his connection with the sensual world (his Anima) is broken, the meaning of life is lost, everything is insipid. She awakens him to life, but does not solve his personal issues (as they were expected) and at some stage, a little discouraged, he remains to solve them himself.

We looked at two conflicting forms and, as you might have guessed, they are often rivals in life. On the one hand, meeting "love triangles" often consist of these two women, on the other hand, it is usually difficult for these two forms to get along in one woman. It is difficult for a mother-woman to put on a suit from a sex shop, but Getera is still hungry (if this is not a trip to a restaurant) or lies at the bottom of an emotional (material), she did not sign up for nanki.

And yet there are exceptions … And even if it is not easy, it is not always easy to be Queens, but it is still possible.

To be continued…