2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
“I had ten psychologists before you. None helped me. And you won't help me either."
There are clients with their own graveyard of psychologists. Someone deliberately tries to ruin the reputation of the “most beloved” of the “unhelpful”, someone scribbles endless complaints on the forums that psychology and psychologists suck, nothing helps and all charlatans, someone silently and with concentration sticks needles into a voodoo doll.
Who are these people? Why can't specialists help them?
People who, according to their mental health, need the help of a psychiatrist, not a psychologist
Perhaps they do not know about it. None of the ten psychologists told them about it? Unlikely, but I will not rule it out.
They may not want to accept it. Each or at least one of the ten specialists told them about it, but “What are you, doctor? I'm alright! You just do not know how to work, and therefore it is beneficial for you to think that I am crazy."
Perhaps they are aware and accept the situation, but they do not want to go to psychiatrists for any reason. And they still hope that psychologists can help them. But can even the best ophthalmologist be able to help in case of a broken leg?
Perhaps they went to ten psychiatrists too. But they were not helped. Why? This is at the end of the article.
People who, according to the state of their mental health, “the psychiatrist is not yet”, “the psychologist is no longer”, “the average psychotherapist is not a fact,” but rather a strong and stable psychotherapist is needed
This is a certain degree of borderline. And a certain degree of damage in traumatics.
Traumatics have a tendency to reproduce trauma: either choose a specialist who will reproduce the trauma himself, or diligently (unconsciously, of course) provoke a specialist, or, if the specialist nevertheless retained stability, still plunge into the field of trauma, projecting it onto a situation in which objectively nothing happened.
The borderline has a tendency towards such a format of changes that become noticeable not immediately, not quickly, and their inner despair is so great that it seems as if nothing is helping.
Both of them need a psychotherapist who, according to his personal characteristics (this is not only the level of his own elaboration, but also certain mental characteristics) is able to withstand their mental material, and is also capable of building work at a technical level.
How to choose such a specialist? I dont know. Also, I do not know why someone finds such, and someone does not. What is it: an accident, the will of God, the will of man himself? I dont know.
People who come precisely to prove that nothing will help them
And they successfully achieve this goal. In this sense, they are very successful.
People who want a magic pill and expect that everything will happen by itself, that a specialist will do all the work for them
But it doesn't work that way. The process of mental changes will not happen without the participation of the person himself.
Yes, ten psychologists did not help him, because he himself does not want to participate in the work process.
People who are not ready to face reality
Yes, there are feelings that are unpleasant to deal with. And you have to deal with them not only for 20 minutes in a psychologist's office, but also in life. There are other people who don't have to live up to expectations. Etc. And ten psychologists will not help "build" other people or "remove negative feelings from life."
People whose request is not for development / therapy / change, but for stagnation, the maintenance of illusions
They are also not ready to face reality. “I don’t want to be aware of anything. Just have pity on me and confirm that I am good, and everyone else is bad, that everyone owes me everything, and I don’t owe anything to anyone, everyone is obliged to love me and I don’t need to do anything, I don’t want to grow up and I won’t, and the family has me perfect, and in general, doctor, I can send you to. If you don’t confirm, I’ll crack you with a stool and write you a bad review”and so on.
People who had a negative transference "from the doorway" and silently left the therapy
Sometimes, perhaps, not in silence, but with a scandal, but still there was not enough resource to go through the transfer.
Now about the fact that "ten psychiatrists did not help."
Is it possible for a car mechanic to restore a car after an accident? It depends on what kind of damage. Is it possible for a surgeon to "collect" a person after an accident? It also depends on what kind of damage. Not every surgeon who brilliantly sews severed fingers will be able to sew on a severed head. And not every severed head can be sewn on, no matter how talented the surgeon is.
Not all physical injuries and illnesses are curable. There are incurable diseases, there are intractable diseases, there are rare and poorly studied diseases, to which it is generally not clear how to approach.
It is the same with the psyche. Not everything is curable. Not everything has been studied.
Yes, doctors make mistakes. And it also happens that everything is done correctly, but the person still died. What is it: an accident, the will of God, the will of man? Or vice versa - the prognosis was disappointing, but the person coped, survived, recovered. What is it: an accident, the will of God, the will of man?
Neither doctors nor psychologists are omnipotent. It is important to remember this. People in helping professions are not those who “must necessarily save”, but those who can offer professional help, and then it is the will of God, the will of man, the will of chance.
According to the normal law of distribution, most specialists are “normal”. There are many more of them than "good" and "bad". And there are very few “very bad” and “very good” ones.
And "normal" are those who are good enough at solving "normal" problems - that is. "Typical" tasks that "average people" come with.
Psychologists / doctors are not magicians and not necessarily geniuses. Basically, these are also "average people" with "average" personal abilities, who "normally" learned to solve typical problems to help "average people".
Solving problems outside the typical - requires something outside the average abilities of the average person with average education. Intelligence, intuition, creativity, persistence? This is a meeting with the unknown, this is research, this is a field where there are no guarantees.
Yes, statistically, you can stumble upon a "bad" or even a "very bad" psychologist who will not cope with a typical task. How many times can one person stumble upon this? Well, one, maybe two. In some special case, maybe three? But if this is already the fifth or tenth psychologist who “did not help”, then the point is not that “all psychologists suck”.
It is important to understand what you want from working with a psychologist.
It is important to discuss this at the beginning of the work.
It is important to hear the specialist's answer. Not every formulation of the request can be taken by a specialist. Also, a specialist can make a number of important clarifications, and if you do not pay attention to them, it may turn out that you are moving in different directions with him.
It is important to discuss with a specialist the moments when it seems that there is no change.
If a psychologist recommends seeing a psychiatrist and, perhaps, refuses to continue working, this does not mean that "he does not love you and rejects you." This means that he takes a responsible approach to the issue, and does not undertake "being an ophthalmologist to treat a fracture."
It is important to remember that a psychologist is not God, not a magician, does not have omnipotence, and he does not have to be a genius either.
It is important to remember about your will too.
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