2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Do you think you can only be afraid of war, poverty and coronavirus? Then I have a surprise for you. Many are afraid of success, avoid high earnings and social well-being. Why is this happening and what to do about it.
Surely you have met both people who consciously choose minimalism and those who, in words, passionately dream of achieving something, but each time "merges" at the most crucial moment. Someone speaks about it openly, while someone surreptitiously puts sticks into their wheels. Big house? Cool car? An impressive bank account? No, don’t. Beloved husband? A happy family? Career? Thanks, we pass by.
Behind the fear of success, like any other fear, lie hidden causes, childhood (and other) trauma and limiting beliefs. Someone on a subconscious level is sure that success is difficult and too energy-consuming, so it's easier to “sit and keep your head down” (hello, parental attitudes). Someone still recalls that the mom who reached career heights was never at home, and the dad who started earning a lot of money began to drink, started another family, went to jail or was killed by competitors in the dashing 90s. There are people who sincerely believe that all vacancies for a happy future are already occupied and without great connections in life it is impossible to break through.
Whatever is hidden in the depths of the psyche, it is broadcast outward as a desire to live imperceptibly, not standing out in any way and not competing with anyone. And everything would be fine if the modest lifestyle of these people was fine. But the problem is that they have quite healthy ambitions, including the natural desire to be loved, the desire to do something meaningful, or just the need to lead a decent lifestyle. This is where the first inquiries to a psychologist from the series “Why are we afraid of success and how to overcome this fear” appear.
What are we afraid of?
Get out of your comfort zone
Success entails a change in habitual behavior patterns. For the sake of a career and earnings, people sacrifice their usual way of life: they spend less time with their family, more often fly on business trips, and get more tired. For the sake of personal growth, they set boundaries in relationships, learn to say "no", move out of their parents' apartment and stop communicating with friends. If you think that all your family and friends will be happy about your success, you will be disappointed. Significant social ties can be severed, and it will be equally painful for everyone involved.
That the family could not stand such a test
How many times have you heard that one partner has "outgrown the other"? This is also about success. And not only in terms of money. It happens that he has risen in society and he began to be annoyed by her rustic manners. And it happens that, on the contrary, she holds onto a jeep and a yacht, not understanding why he should go to India for a retreat and spend money on charity. In any case, the development of one family member and stagnation in the behavior of another invariably lead to problems in the relationship. Throw in the children and the explosive mixture is ready.
Work hard and be responsible
It is trite, but the need to work hard scares much more than the opportunities that the likely success will bring. Move to another city? Work hard seven days a week? Give up a hobby? Come on, this is your success. Better an average standard of living with minimal responsibility than irregular working hours and overwhelming stress.
Can't handle
It's okay to doubt your own abilities from time to time. This is such a test for connection with reality. It is this mechanism that prevents us from jumping on the roofs of buildings like Spider-Man - we understand that mere mortals have no chance of repeating this. The same goes for complex investments, stock trading, professional sports, playing musical instruments, and other activities for which we think we don't have enough data. Sometimes it is a sensible assessment of one's talents and the ability to bet on real skills. But in many cases it is a self-esteem problem. When in the ears of an adult man sounds a mocking "where can you, a fat man, compete with us," and an adult woman, closing her eyes, again feels like an angular teenager whose briefcase was thrown into the trash, you have to work with this. It won't work by itself.
Give up a dream
When you work for a long time for a goal, give all your best, sooner or later the question comes to mind: what next? And when there is no answer to it, a person is able to subconsciously sabotage his own work. Everything to the point is simple: having received the coveted prize, you can lose your dream. And when everything is subordinated to her, the meaning of life is lost with her.
How to stop being afraid of success?
It is necessary to build the correct algorithms for thoughts and behavior:
- Admit your fear. Understand yourself, your true fears and desires. When the mechanism of behavior is understood, you can turn dreams into reality, and aspirations into goals. Try to find reasons for limiting beliefs from your childhood. Perhaps your grandmother wanted the best when she told you: "Shut up, you will pass for a smart one!" But a lot has changed since her youth.
- Constantly develop, learn new things, expand the circle of friends. Now you don't even need to leave home for this - all knowledge is within your gadget and a couple of mouse clicks. And the possibilities of the brain and consciousness are completely limitless. One has only to correctly formulate your request.
- Analyze and visualize. Those mechanisms that hold you back, preventing you from getting what you want, can be replaced with constructive and helping algorithms. One of these techniques is visualization, when you imagine in detail your future - successful - life and rejoice in the coming changes. An example of a business coaching approach also works well - analyzing your strengths and weaknesses in order to fix what you can and let go of what cannot be changed. There is a lot of technician, and personal therapy (or coaching) is one of the most effective tools for solving the problem of fear of success. Go for it.
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