Men In Our Lives. Schizoid Type

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The schizoid man is a tough nut to crack. Outwardly, he seems unapproachable and emotionless - such a "thing in itself". But a wise woman quickly discerns a deep and most interesting inner world behind this external impartiality. A man like a treasure chest - if you manage to open it, you will be rewarded. But not everyone can find the key to this chest.

At first glance, his behavior may seem strange and even inappropriate in places. He can invade other people's boundaries, look even boorish - but this is only protection, and, at the same time, a filter through which he lets those who can understand him. It seems that public opinion is not interested in the schizoid. He does not try to please you, does not spend a lot of energy on beautiful courtship, and, perhaps, in general, he seems to be a person who does not like all these secular entertainments and cannot stand the crowd. Perhaps he will invite you to a cafe, where you can be alone and talk, or maybe to your home. But not because he wants to rather drag you into bed, but because this is where he feels best. In general, you should not count on an extensive and varied entertainment program next to a schizoid. But on the other hand, in family life, he will not spend all the evenings in the company of friends.

The main distinguishing feature of this accentuation is distance from reality. He can go headlong: in work, in projects, in computer games, in a binge, in fantasy, in love. And at that moment the rest of the world ceases to exist for him.

The most common complaints of women who live with schizoid men are that the husband is not too sensitive in the emotional sphere. He does not have vivid emotional manifestations, sometimes it is not at all clear what he feels and he does not understand why his wife is so worried. This type has a reduced emotional sensitivity, it can be difficult for him to understand people. It is very difficult for a man to give emotional support to his woman in her sadness or pain, and all he can do is stoically endure her emotions. It is for this stoic patience that women in their hearts call their husbands "insensible log." In fact, the sensitivity of schizoids is very strong, but they never show this outwardly, remaining outwardly such partisans. It is very difficult to bring them to emotions, they would rather silently break off relations, tired of enduring, than shout claims in the face and generally try to resolve them in dialogue.

When making a decision, a schizoid often acts not from any specific goal or result, his motives do not come from reality, but as if spontaneously and spontaneously. And he often himself cannot explain why he made such a decision. It’s as if his thinking and feeling do not correlate with each other. A person does not think in a situation that needs to be resolved, his thinking is based on details, absolutely insignificant signs.

It is very difficult in negotiations with people of this type. It seems that he is not answering your question, but the one that sounds in his head, completely different from the topic you are discussing. He can "lead" the conversation aside and be so convincing in this that you yourself do not notice how you find yourself very far from the original topic of discussion. It is extremely difficult to agree on something specific with him, just having listened to the vision of both sides, it is extremely difficult for his attention to move all the time to details that are insignificant from your point of view. And here again thoughts of some inadequacy slip through.

You can better understand the schizoid if you know the history of the formation of his features. Schizoid accentuation is formed in early childhood, in a situation of emotional rejection of the mother. This may be due to the condition of the mother herself - postpartum depression, lack of support from loved ones; and with the history of the birth of a child - from an unloved man, extremely difficult childbirth, which caused trauma to the mother herself, deterioration of living conditions in connection with the decree, and others. In the first months of life, the child perceives the world through the mother, focusing on her emotions. And when the mother is emotionally detached from the child, he does not have enough information in order to form his age-appropriate view of the world adequately.

In the future, the situation is aggravated by a phenomenon called "double bills". Children are very sensitive and literally read the states of their loved ones, and they live by sensations. If you systematically deny, prohibit and devalue the feelings that the child experiences, he will cease to trust himself - and thus there is a mismatch with reality. The child becomes convinced that what he feels is not true. Why then use this tool? The child is angry that the toy was taken away from him and wants to protect his property, and the mother forbids him to feel angry, saying that you cannot be greedy and you need to share.

The boy is afraid of the dark and comes to his mother: "Mom, I'm afraid to sleep alone." Mom wants to sleep and answers: "There is nothing to be afraid of, Misha, go to sleep." Thus, devaluing the son's feelings of fear.

Another manifestation of the double bind theory is when a mother verbally says one thing, and her non-verbal manifestations communicate another. Mom says: "Come to me, dear, I will hug you!" But as soon as the child comes and wants to snuggle up to his mother, she indignantly pushes him away: "Ugh, how dirty you are! You're going to get me dirty now! Go wash your hands." The daughter comes to her mother, hugs her, looks into her eyes and asks: "Mommy, do you love me?" Mom answers "Well, of course I love you, Olga!" at the same time removes the girl's hands so that she does not hug her and switches to some activity, or adds: "Now go play!"

Thus, the child constantly receives messages that deny each other, and this deals a serious blow to the formation of reality. Parents shape this reality by introducing the child to the concepts of good-bad, useful-not useful, effective-not effective. In a situation of double binds, any object turns out to be indefinite, it is impossible to rely on reality. And then the child begins to form his own world of inner reality, in which he is cozy and comfortable. That very rich inner world. And this world is carefully guarded from encroachment, because the intervention of adults can devalue and destroy it, as it was done in the real world. With an outwardly poor life in emotions and events, a person lives a rich gamut of emotions in his imagination. That is why schizoids retain the tendency to "stick" into something, to go into what interests them literally headlong.

What to do if a schizoid man is next to you

First, do not expect sympathetic support and empathy from him on the outside. He may be very worried about you, but he would rather go and do something to help you, rather than support you morally. Find other types of people around you who can give you the support you need.

Secondly, remember that in fact the schizoid is very vulnerable. The more you attack him, trying to get at least some kind of reaction in return, the more he withdraws into himself. At some point, the doors to his inner world may be closed for you - and this is the worst thing that can happen in your relationship with this type. After that, he can easily erase you from his life or simply coexist next to you as a neighbor.

Thirdly, men of this type especially need female wisdom and the ability to understand everyday matters. For example, how to behave in order to get the desired result, so as not to spoil the relationship. A big plus if a woman stands firmly on her feet in this reality and can help him adapt and become a little more social in order to reach a new level.

It is also important to accept the fact that your man cannot be remade. He will not be able to suddenly start to love going with you to a concert or to festivities on the day of the city, although he can do it for your sake. He will not be able to give you warm words of support, but he can be a protector and a "stone wall" for you in practice. He needs his own space and the opportunity to leave for a while "into the cave", to bring his feelings in order. To tell the truth, this world is dangerous for him and it is difficult for any person to be in constant struggle. If he is upset - you shouldn't ask him what happened - you just need to give him time and he will thaw out. Most likely, you will "feel for two" in your pair - but this is already enough to be able to resolve contradictions.