Men In Our Lives. Narcissistic Type

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

A man - a narcissist knows how to attract attention. He is charismatic, smart, perfectly able to keep himself in society and achieve success. There are many women around him who would like to be with him. How lucky the one on whom he chooses! Will you be lucky?

At the first acquaintance with such a person, it is impossible not to note his magnificence. He demonstrates a strong facade of success and self-confidence, evokes admiration and a desire to imitate, the desire to follow this person, to learn from him. But few people notice that this is just an outer shell, behind which lies insecurity and a feeling of inferiority, which makes the narcissist set the bar of achievement higher and higher every time. Show off to saturate your inner emptiness with the admiration of other people. Due to the fact that in his self-esteem he relies precisely on external confirmation of his significance, and not on his system of values, he has to be in full view all the time and provoke others to respond.

Believing in his exclusivity and the need for constant attention, the narcissist can really achieve a lot in life. This type is very common among the elite, leaders, people of public professions and occupations - artists, speakers, trainers of psychological groups, popular bloggers.

One of the main motivations for achievement is to be noticed, show your uniqueness, and be rewarded for this in the form of admiration and followers. The narcissist definitely considers himself to be a special, chosen and very significant person. When there are not enough real achievements to confirm this, he can go into a world of fantasies about his unlimited success, talent, beauty or fame. Or he turns into an unrecognized genius, offended by the whole world, but not giving up his dream of "proving to everyone what he is worth."

The life of a narcissist is like swinging on a swing. From the state of "I am great" to the state of "I am nothing". Vanity, self-confidence, arrogance at one pole and emptiness, falsehood, unbearable shame at the other. He constantly has to prove to himself the right to "be". This often manifests itself in the desire to constantly compete: "If I am not better than … then I am worthless." This is why the narcissist exhibits dominant, perfectionist behavior, displaying an undisguised desire for power.

This man is very envious of other people's achievements, but it's hard for him to admit it. Rather, he will express his envy through contempt and devaluation of the success of others. He easily sees and talks about other people's shortcomings, but he absolutely does not want to know anything about his own, therefore he carefully masks them even from himself. That is why, his facade, which he shows to the world, looks almost perfect. Especially for those who look at him from the side.

For the same reason, he reacts very painfully to criticism. It can cause both anger in the form of a defensive reaction and a serious drop in self-esteem, a strong sense of shame and a feeling of worthlessness. It is difficult for him to show sympathy, because he is not ready to face his vulnerability and painful wounds that he hides deep inside. In order to feel the other, to show empathy, you need to step back from your self for a while, but it is very difficult for the narcissist to determine where he ends and the other person begins.

It is difficult for him to observe boundaries in relationships with other people, because he unconsciously treats others as an extension of himself. Accordingly, everything that is good for me is good for the other. At the same time, without considering the differences. Boundary setting is often perceived aggressively by such people because they perceive it as an encroachment on their freedom of expression.

The narcissist does not notice that he is violating other people's boundaries when he demands to understand him perfectly, asks inappropriate questions, steals other people's ideas or rushes with hugs and kisses, forcing others to respond in kind. He is often engaged in "mind reading" expressing his version of what the person meant, or how he relates to what is happening.

Other people are not perceived by the narcissist as separate and equal individuals, so he can easily treat them as tools, use them for their own purposes, without giving anything in return. Sometimes, such a person manipulates people like chess pieces, figuring out how to use one or another of their strengths for his own benefit.

Unfortunately, it is extremely difficult to build partnerships with a narcissist in which individuality is valued and each other's boundaries are respected.

Such a man needs a partner who will not have her own ambitious goals, she will be satisfied with the opportunity to be in the shadow of his glory. He appreciates women who can praise and do it generously. Of course, the life partner will have to take on the whole burden of household chores and childcare, her man is too grandiose and does not live at all in order to solve everyday problems. At the same time, he will be a very strict critic if she does not manage to arrange home comfort in the way he imagines it. His message to a loved one is: "If you do not pay attention to my needs, you will feel my rage on you." At the same time, he does not take on the responsibility to listen and understand the partner. He demands respect for himself without respecting the other.

A woman who has difficulties in finding and defending her boundaries, who finds it difficult to trust her feelings and rely on herself, can live with a narcissist for a long time. Therefore, for the opportunity to be involved in the ostentatious greatness of her man, she is ready to invest in relationships alone, to come to terms with the role of "woman - function" and to define herself not through her own achievements, but through the success of her husband. Quite common are cases when a wife supported her husband all her life, helped him achieve success, and, after he achieved a high position, as a "reward" received a divorce and care for another, more representative and younger one. No matter how bitter it is to realize, in the eyes of her husband, she had already fulfilled her function, his needs changed and he rejected her as waste material without regret, not worrying too much about the moral side of this issue, or about her feelings.

Behind all this grandeur and external success of the narcissist, it is very difficult to discern his insecurity and vulnerability. Every person goes through the narcissistic stage in early childhood, but only those who could not grow out of it, gaining adequate self-esteem and discovering that there are other people in the world, and they are just as valuable, have forever retained the features of an egocentric child. If the baby is shamed a lot and very little accepted as he is, he splits his personality into one that causes approval and a shadow side that needs to be hidden. He tries to show the approved part in order to earn love. To become not who he is, but who they want to see him. After all, his real is so often compared with the ideal image that is in the head of his parents. With age, a person learns to accept his shortcomings and himself with them, becoming more complete. But the narcissist never succeeds in doing this - this is what causes him

Because no matter how he hides his flaws, they are part of him and he has to meet with them. Sooner or later, we all experience disappointment, criticism, or defeat. When confronted with the part that he carefully hides, the narcissist experiences unbearable shame and pain. And he often defends himself by projecting his shortcomings onto another.

His fragile self-esteem depends on the acceptance of others, but at the same time he is afraid of dependence and intimacy, which threaten to expose his weakness and intolerable shame.

In the modern world, narcissistic manifestations can be seen in many people. In a way, he is praised and approved by society. Prosperity, popularity and confidence are associated with him, forgiving celebrities for their "antics and quirks." These manifestations can be healthy enough if they do not cross certain boundaries. At the same time, despite the attractiveness of the external image of such a man, it is very difficult to build close relationships with him.