Existential Coaching Or How To Get A Good Life At Work. Open Lecture By A. Langle

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

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Alfried Langle often comes to Russia, and, apparently, has long known Russian sluggishness. So I, having come 20 minutes late, still keep up with the beginning. The large "streaming" auditorium is already full, additional chairs are being brought in. Soon the lecturer himself appears, accompanied by an interpreter. Calm and gray-haired, he looks like a kind wizard. After thanking those present and the organizers, Langle begins the lecture. His measured speech and expressive voice create an atmosphere of calm and tranquility in the audience

The goal of existential coaching at work is to reduce stress and stop burnout. The principles of existential coaching apply not only to work, but also to personal life.

15-20 years ago, coaching became fashionable because we live in a pretty crazy time, when the speed of both work and rest is great. There is more and more pressure at work. Work is becoming more and more automated and abstract. This places high demands on a person's internal structure and organizational structure. More possibilities and at the same time more requirements.

With every 10th anniversary, it becomes more difficult to find a quiet place to relax and be with yourself. A person is immersed in a stream of information temptations. Personal life is becoming denser and more intense. It's the same with work.

At the present time, something is required to oppose this situation. In response to this situation, we must develop an internal structure and respond to challenges. We need to be more personally present in life. Resist rhythm and automatism. This is one of the features of our civilization. It is natural for a person to succumb to many possibilities. In a cafe or in a toilet, TV screens or smartphones attract us. From an evolutionary perspective, it is natural to look where something is happening. And it is worth the trouble for us to distract ourselves and look, for example, at a partner.

This situation requires you to find your answer and go your own way. Including through the pressure that we meet at work. The pressure can be in the form of high wages, and then it's hard to say no. Or circumstances may be pressure, and you have to work to provide for yourself, your family.

But there is more. Most of our work is done with machines and computers. And this is different from what, for example, a farmer does. There was practically no physical work left. Physical work is associated with fatigue. If I work physically I get tired, I sweat and feel like I was working. And with abstract work, I seem to live incompletely.

Abstract work introduces a bifurcation. And therefore, after it, sports or meetings with friends are needed. This creates the background that we all find ourselves in. We have to face a situation where work is crushing and seductive, and bring ourselves into it.

Some people who are under a lot of stress or responsibility need some kind of accompaniment, a dialogue partner, to relieve this complexity a little. Leaders of organizations need a person who can allow them to see the situation from different angles. Therefore, such a direction as coaching has developed.

What is coaching. A coach is like a coachman. The one who drives the wagon guides it. Coaching was first used in sports. This is partly supervision, assistance and counseling. Information and observations that helped improve achievement.

In America, in the 30s and 40s, coaching began to penetrate the field of work. Coaching these days is a special form of counseling related to a specific topic that we encounter at work.

This is not family or couples counseling, although recently coaching has already begun to spread to these areas, to new areas of life. The term coaching is more modern than the term counseling. There is no clear difference between the two. The methods are the same.

The objectives of counseling are to clarify the problem and provide the tools to overcome it. Coaching is sought after by people without psychopathology who need new information and new perspectives on the situation from the outside. The coaching client must stand on their own two feet. In contrast, psychotherapy requires closer support.

In the existential direction, pathology is understood as such problems that prevent a person from doing the things that he wants. For example, in generalized anxiety disorder, anxiety prevents a person from going to the movies or to work, etc. That is, psychotherapy is designed to work with disorders, and counseling and coaching is for healthy people.

There are many types of coaching. There is, for example, life coaching, which focuses on the client's life, his main life plans, and career development. We will talk about coaching jobs. He focuses on living in a state of work. And the challenge is to optimize work procedures so that there is less frustration in them. And, of course, less burnout.

Coaching is between two poles. On the one hand, there is a psychological pole, and then we look at internal processes. If a person has severe anxiety, then we look at how we can reduce anxiety, for example, before a performance. This pole is about what a person needs psychologically. The other pole is organizational. For example, time management or organizational structure. Here we look more at the world. And between these poles is skill work.

Let's try to combine coaching with a person-centered existential approach. We start from human abilities and move towards work goals.

Existential coaching is fundamentally open to different coaching approaches, they can be combined. The focus is on a person, his feelings and experiences, but different tools can be used, for example, from gestalt, psychodrama or systemic psychotherapy.

It is based on theory of four fundamental motivations (FM). The first aspect of this theory is understanding what a person can. This is an approximation to reality, human capabilities and limitations. The second aspect is the time it takes to turn to life. The third aspect is values. What a person likes to do, which corresponds to his inner self. And then the person feels that his actions are justified. And the fourth aspect or result is that a person sees meaning in what he does. If any of these results are not obtained, then from an existential point of view, coaching is incomplete.

The procedural model in existential analysis is called “personal analysis”. It allows the person to accept the situation and bring himself into it.

What is the problem of people who come to a coach?

Most often it is stress. But this stress can have various causes. To understand these problems and structure them, we can use the existential model, which consists of four fundamental motivations (FM).

1FM. Stress can be related to the fact that the situation is too demanding and pressing. Pressure, demand to be more productive, a situation of constant competition. Excessive Requirements Situation.

2FM. But stress can be in another dimension as well. For example, a person has been doing work for six months, but it’s so boring. Of course, it is paid, and that is the problem. The work is either boring, or it doesn't make sense, or the relationship is so cold. A person can say - I have problems with relationships, people do not accept me, do not love me. Or he will say: I am suffocating, I do not have enough time, I cannot establish a relationship with what I am doing. If only money or productivity is at stake, then people are just capital.

3FM. The stress of feeling like we are functioning like machines, like robots. The person experiences alienation. The problem with this dimension is that the person does not know how to direct himself. Stress can be related to expectations of yourself or of people. Let's say I or my boss expects me to be free of errors. Or my decisions, my position does not matter at work. They send me to another department and don't ask me. The person begins to wonder - who am I anyway?

4FM. A lot of people come and say that the work doesn't make sense. They feel angry and frustrated. Companies are very focused on goals, imposing fines or incentives to achieve goals. Then the boss begins to pressure employees to receive a reward. Often people do not have an inner conviction that what they are doing is really someone who needs it. Associated with the violation of 4FM is such a situation that people are abused and they experience stress. It can be created, for example, by ideology.

What is distress? This is a situation where requirements do not match capabilities. If I feel that I can handle it, then this is eustress, “favorable stress,” where I can show my capabilities. And if the opportunities are not enough, then distress arises. This is a self-exploitation situation.

Stress is always the feeling that “I have too much of this”. There are certain consequences here. They stimulate us and we feel the urge to give everything to the maximum, or give up everything and feel frustrated. These situations of excessive demands put pressure on us. And then we start doing things with which we have no inner agreement.

If we are under stress, then this is a violation of inner harmony. Existential analysis is constantly working with inner consensus. Internal consent is my internal "Yes". If I not only think “yes”, but also experience it, then I am fully present, I come into contact with my feelings, I have a vision of the situation. All four FMs are affected. The main task of existential analysis is to understand whether a person has an inner agreement with what he is doing.

Consider the five dimensions, or five tools of existential coaching

Tool 1. Look for inner harmony in everything you do. This prevents stress, alienation from oneself, coping reactions. When there is inner agreement, we still get tired of work in the evenings, but we are not exhausted. And we feel the inner fulfillment. “Yes, it was a tough day, but I feel like I did something good. I can accept my limitations, but enjoy what I have done.” We are not titans or gods, we are very limited beings, but within the limitations there are always many possibilities. We can never get everything, but only a little. But that should be enough.

Tool 2. Complies with 1FM. The first fundamental motivation comes from the motto: “See your opportunities”. What does this mean? It has to do with reality, with what is given. And on the given that we face in life. In existential coaching, we must find and create space for action and freedom. This relieves the pressure. When opportunities are in front of me, I do not feel compelled. Opportunities are the human space where we can stay.

You need to ask yourself the question: what is possible for you in this situation? So don't panic, see what you really can do? Try to define and accept it for yourself. For example, if a student has a difficult exam on the way, he can work out with a tutor or sit with a book in the library. We need a certain humility, humility, in order to accept our opportunities.

Or, for example, if at work a person is under pressure from his superiors or is being bullied by employees, then you need not fixate on this, but see what can be done. You can talk to your boss or coworkers. You can always do something. If these possibilities are not there, then this is not my situation, and I must leave here. And this fixation on possibilities makes us creative. I can see a path that I can walk, not an abyss, but which I can fall. The abyss is dangerous, and then you can turn away from the abyss and look at the path along which I am walking. In this focus on possibilities, the body is a very important element. The body is the opportunity with which I dwell in my life. Body movement is important to heighten the sense of opportunity in my life. Breathing plays an important role in bodily movement. For thousands of years, yoga has taught the importance of breathing. Deep breathing creates inner space. When there is inner space, I understand that I can find space around me. And then we can create protection around ourselves. For example, protection against bullying. I can assert myself and protect myself from bullying or overwork. When we understand our chances and our opportunities, it creates protection for us. In coaching sessions, we can deepen the sense of protection. "Look for what you can here and now." As a result, I have more freedom, I can breathe and be here. At the very least, find the strength to endure. Otherwise, I need to leave. If I cannot be here, then it is harmful to stay.

Tool 3. Complies with 2FM. "Give yourself time." What is time? Time is space in life. If I decide to take time for something, I give it space in my life. We have no time other than the time in which we live. As if every day we cut a thin piece of sausage. Therefore, give yourself time and do things at your own pace, do not let yourself get confused. And don't try to move faster.

Time has two sides. The first side: time has been given to us. As long as I'm alive, I have it. This is ensured by the length of my life. But it may happen that time has passed and nothing has happened. I wasted time and got nothing. The second side: we have time, but if we do not devote this time, then we do not have it. We have a lot of time, but we use this time only when we decide what to devote it to. Taking the time, I develop myself in the chosen direction. If I read a book and devote time to it, then I can be in this book, experience it. If there is no time, I run to McDonald's and gobble up fast food. Taking time is to enjoy what I eat. The existential rule is: what I devote my time to is what I live for. When I take time, only then I live. Therefore, it is very important to devote time to relationships, and then there will be more life in the relationship.

In existential analysis, we ask if what a person spends time on is really what he wants? Or will he just let things happen to him? Then he just doesn't live. And this is, of course, existential stress, because it denies life.

If I take the time, then I open myself up to relationships and feelings in relation to what I am doing. Result: by taking time, we come to our own life.

Tool 4. Complies with 3FM. “Do what is important to you. Follow your interest, your convictions, your worries.” This principle brings in possibilities. Because what matters is your inner potential. And when you do that, you are true to yourself. For example, in an exam situation - do what is interesting. If you cannot find interest, then you need to quit this business. If you experience bullying in a team, then you should ask yourself: am I interested with these people? Or I'm just afraid to change jobs. What do I want to pay attention to? What matters to me in this job? I can reduce my overload by doing what really matters to me. Choosing such things, I do not abandon myself, I take myself seriously, I don’t sacrifice myself. And then I feel that what I am doing relates so well to me. This leads to the ability to draw boundaries. In coaching, this can lead to themes of self-esteem and the value of others. The result is authentic self-worth. And when we experience self-worth, we are open to authentic encounters.

Tool 5. Complies with 4FM. "Do what you need to do."The concept of an existential turn: we turn to activities in which we see meaning. This is one of the main ideas of Viktor Frankl. To do this, you need to step back a little from yourself, look around and inside yourself. This is a different dimension. Look around you, open up, feel the question: What is needed here, what is it about? What is the focus of this situation? " For example, I am looking around now and I understand that something is needed here, namely, I need to finish my lecture.

The fourth FM says that something can affect me, but I also have to relate myself to others. Perhaps I want to do a lot at work, but if my relationships with loved ones take more time, I am needed there more. There are many opportunities at work when you can delegate things. In a conflict with a boss, can I see what my boss needs from me? As a result, we open up to a broader context, a context of values. Thus, taking into account the possibilities, taking the time, taking into account our own interests, we go out into the world and ask, where are we really needed?

And then my life has a direction. I can feel that I am contributing to something more than I am. And this something is called meaning. We are called to bring ourselves into this world so that our being here is important for others, for broader contexts such as family or society.