2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Now it is fashionable to apply methods to oneself, to go through various exercises, tests, research.
I also have a. And I even want to share it, because it helps me very often, especially when emotions go wild and I really want to suffer, to be a victim, to feel like a poor thing!
I call this method or exercise "listening, observing yourself, and speaking honestly."
And it consists in the fact that in a critical moment you need to try to stop, calm down and ask yourself questions about the essence of the problem that has arisen. Moreover, it is important to consider from different angles. Well, answer these questions. It is important to answer honestly.
Next I will give an example of one of these "self-talk".
I, as the most average city dweller, live in an ordinary residential complex, and I seem to know the problems of every neighbor. I know each of my neighbors by their voice, especially in the summer when all the windows are wide open. I know what they are happy about, what they quarrel about, how they live. I am an observer and an unwitting participant in their life from 20 to 8.
-I can not do it anymore. I do not want. I won't.
-I have neither the strength nor the desire to do something!
Oh, this neighbor from the ninth is tired of life again.
-I am for these relations my whole soul inside out, and there is a blank wall!
-I do so much for you, I invest so much in you - and no return!
The neighbor opposite came from work and demands respect.
- You do not love me and do not appreciate!
The neighbor was offended again from noon.
And only the neighbors from the tenth have violently sex.
- I'm tired, I counted on your help, but you don't need anything!
It's me. Stop! It's me? Stop, Natasha.
Now it looks like it's time to exercise. Slow down and listen to yourself carefully
It seems that I have already heard something similar from the neighbors since the ninth. So stop, take off your sacrificial crown of thorns. Wipe your forehead from imaginary drops of blood, tears. Take a deep breath, exhale.
- I can not do it anymore! I do so much for you, and you think all this is ridiculous!
Natasha, stop again. This has already happened. Turn off your neighbor at twelve. Screw up the sound and get off the stage. On stage, and so sold out.
Start your "self-talk"!
Do what you did. And invest. Though the feeling of resentment is now overwhelming. And exhaustion. But think
who really needed all this investment? Ask yourself:
Is this what was really expected of me?
Does my partner, beloved, close one need all this care, patience, work, and other investments in this form?
Do I know his real expectations? Did I really try to see him, hear him, understand him?
And does he not appreciate me as much as I shout about it? Do I notice those small pleasures and rather big actions that happen for me and for my sake? Am I becoming an ungrateful bitch myself at this moment?
Well, and the cherry on the cake: how can the other side be with me? Is my partner as wonderful and magical as I thought it would be? Am I giving the other person the opportunity to be themselves next to me? Is it possible for a person next to me to just BE? Am I trying to squeeze it into a world I have invented, am I not demanding conformity to an imaginary image.
Although the partner also has his own idea of the world, his own understanding, feeling. Its own universe in the head. And it would be nice to these universes, if not to combine, then at least to compare and try to make friends.
Trying?
Now let's listen to ourselves again.
Yeah, emotions have subsided. There are already fewer offenses. And self-pity. Relaxation, calmness appears. Strength and desire to move on appear again. Move together.
True, I really wanted to suggest to a neighbor from the twelfth floor that she, too, take off her crown of thorns. But I'm holding back!
And, perhaps, it is time to take an example from the frantic couple from the tenth.
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