True Comeback: Secrets Of The Return Of A Departed Partner

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The return of a former partner begins in almost 100% of cases if you let the person go more or less environmentally: without insults, without being too humiliated and without holding him back by threats to do something with yourself or with him. If you hit him very hard before leaving, the comeback may not start, because the fear or disgust towards you will be stronger than the field pullback.

Comeback. Start

The most magical of the field effects I describe is the plus comeback for many.

Plus comeback is the desire of the person who left you to return to the relationship. (If there was no relationship, you can't talk about a comeback).

But very few people manage to feel the full power of this effect, most see only its beginning. The beginning is usually enough to surprise and admire how "everything goes according to what was written", but, being surprised, the majority merge everything they received and return to the place from which the comeback began. To your broken trough, like all greedy and impatient people.

I'll tell you again what the comeback effect is based on, how to act correctly and why you can only act this way.

The comeback begins almost 100% of the time, if you let the person go more or less environmentally (without insults, not being too humiliated or holding him back by threats to do something to yourself or to him). If you hit him very hard before leaving, the comeback may not start, because the fear or disgust towards you will be stronger than the field pullback.

In all other cases, there is a slight increase in your importance at a distance. This is due to the fact that your presence does not put pressure on the person, he is free and can remember all the good that he received from you. He starts to get a little bored, but the main feeling of the former plus at the very beginning of the comeback is compassion for you, pity, guilt and gratitude for love.

Virtually not a single plus that has left is holding back from texting you after leaving after a while (if you are behind and keep quiet, but most of the minuses continue to stick, forcing the plus to hide, so they never see any comeback). Even those pluses who have read about the comeback effect from me do it in order to "clear their conscience" at least to say the words that they did not have time to say, because they were annoyed and annoyed. The negative emotions subsided, the pressure disappeared, your importance increased slightly. There is nothing magical about it, it is natural.

Usually the comeback starts with pings. The former has nothing to say to you yet, but he wants to make sure that everything is in order with you, you are not too offended, you are alive and well. Ping is a small friendly gesture in your direction: likes, a song on the wall, a comment under your notes, mentioning you in your note, a photo where you are together, greetings and other cute nonsense.

If your cat wept for self-esteem, your minus was great and it is still covered by a crown, you may think that all this nonsense says that "the person got excited." He left and now he regrets, yearns, dreams of returning, but does not know how to do this in order to save his face and not receive a hard rebuff from you.

See what a paradox. The former pings because he is sure that you are dying without him, and wants to support your collapsed self-esteem a little. And your self-esteem under the big crown tells you that he timidly and hesitantly asks back. And his timidity is associated with the lack of confidence in your love. Although the opposite is true, he knows about your love, and therefore pings compassionately. He gives alms to you, but it seems to you that he is asking you for something.

Is it any wonder that such a crown, stupid and important, is punished? Even if it’s not enough to leave you so that you realize your uselessness to this person, then how can you help you? Only by throwing it again and in a more cynical manner. This is what usually happens.

Greedy minuses in response to plus pings begin to wave in response. Come here, come, I'm waiting for you, don't be afraid! The pros come in two ways: they either disappear, or they offer friendship. If the activity of the minuses scares them, they disappear from the horizon, having exhausted a small supply of pity or nostalgia that has swept over them. Plus, he is afraid that the story that got him will start anew. That is, most of the minuses responding to pings help the plus to shake off the last tiny hooks that hatch at a distance. And it would be okay just that.

Without waiting for the continuation of communication, most of the minuses that responded to the pings begin to attack themselves. It is not surprising. If you ran to the ping, then self-esteem in you is zero, and the crown is huge. In such a situation, your state is extremely unstable and you are sure that you "do not lose anything." Even if you humiliate yourself and crawl at your feet, you will not lose. You really do not lose anything except yourself. And you can almost completely lose yourself. So much so that even getting to your feet will be difficult for you.

The second type of pross' behavior you responded to their pings is to offer you friendship. If you are not too sticky and not at all aggressive person, or plus yours is not shy, he may not run and hide, but decide to leave you in the field of his acquaintances. You didn’t do anything bad to him; on the contrary, you loved him. Why not keep an intelligent relationship with you? It's better than having an enemy behind your back and a load on your conscience.

Remember, the friend zone is beneficial to the plus, but not beneficial to you if you are in the red. Remember this and many problems can be avoided. The overwhelming majority of pluses want to "remain friends" in order to gradually and gently exit the relationship, not to worry about you, not to think about you, that is, to detach from you smoothly. Minus the friend zone after parting is not just not profitable, it is a poisonous swamp for him. It is difficult to imagine a position more pitiful and humiliating, more consuming you, than being a "friend" to someone who refused to be close to you and your love when you wanted and asked for it.

Sometimes the pluses formulate the friendship proposal so tenderly that the minuses in the crown hear something of their own. Plus says: "I still love you as a person", and the minus hears "I regret that we broke up, I feel a strong attraction", plus says: "I would like to help you and support", and the minus hears "I want to invest to get our relationship back ", plus says:" I need your advice ", and minus hears:" please don't leave me, I'll be lost! " although this is just crumbs under the table.

The thing is that under your crown you do not see how low you have fallen, living in imbalance, and plus he sees it, and he is uncomfortable for you, he is embarrassed, he is ashamed that you are so low, it seems to him that he contributed your fall, so he does his best to demonstrate that he still respects you a little, does not despise you as much as he could. Therefore, he praises you, and therefore informs you of his respect for you. But the stupid minuses in the crown hear that they are being persuaded not to leave, they are kept in a relationship, although there is no talk of a relationship.

All this is expensive, of course. Plus does not want to be friends with you in practice. How can you be friends with someone you feel so sorry for and for whom you feel so ashamed? He genuinely tries to befriend, but you seem so dull and sticky to him that he begins to back away and slip away. In each of your phrases, he imagines a reminder of your relationship and a request to talk about it, and it is better to start over. And let's face it, that's how it is. You think about the relationship and hope for a continuation, you expect to be called to bed. Perhaps the latter will be. But this is another pitiful crumb that a plus will throw at you, having noticed your desire, in exchange for the remnants of your self-esteem. And he himself, too, will lose the remnants of respect for you.

Do not be surprised at the cruelty and cynicism of those to whom you humiliate. They see that you do not understand any hints, you have no self-respect, which means that you need to convey your attitude more rudely to you, like a deaf person has to yell in his ear to hear. The more crumbs you collect, the worse they will treat you and the more unceremonious they will treat you. It is a natural and healthy process. How else would people remember self-respect if their humiliations were positively reinforced and loved by those around them? It is logically and physically impossible for a person to lose himself and grow in the eyes of another. He diminishes both in his own eyes and in his own. And turns into insignificance.

Therefore, you never need to respond to pings of plus, to offer them friendship and other "human" words that he regrets. Some people think that you need to answer something like "good", "thank you", "me too," and to remain silent is to show that you are offended. Cons are very afraid to show that they are offended. There is no reason for offense in their crown. Well, think about it, they were rejected. This is not a reason to be offended, is it? Why not chat?

A person with self-respect is completely understandable that if they are sent, they must go without looking back, not turn around at the whistle and at the friendly "hey, do not be offended!", "Hey, contact me if anything, I will help!" A person with self-respect is not afraid to look either offended or impolite, he is afraid to run to the whistle and show that he is very dependent and any abandoned crumb is a delicacy for him. In the crown, the minus thinks that he is so imposing and imperturbable at this moment. When he crawls under the table and champs greedily. But the crown is bad because, firstly, it falls down every now and then, and a person sees how he looks and gets angry, and secondly, under the crown people fall lower and lower, nothing keeps them from humiliation, because the crown blinds …

If you do not respond to pings, plus understands that you do not need his crumbs. You don't need his human support if he cannot give you love. You don't need anything from him, you will take care of yourself. Usually, the pluses are so stunned by this that they begin to ping lively. They cannot believe that a sticky creature (what are the perceived disadvantages that did not leave the imbalance immediately, as soon as it began) behaves so independently. They are intrigued, and this is the hook, but most importantly, their respect is growing. And also - the fear of your stickiness completely disappears. If you do not respond to pings, then you are not going to cling to the throat, then you can be dealt with.

And any plus to which the minus does not respond to pings feels like talking to him. This happens almost without fail, it is a natural and natural process. You show self-respect, your importance rises to the point when the plus wants to discuss what exactly happened between you, why it happened, he wants to explain his previous actions, possibly rude and selfish, he feels a desire to be friends with you (a real desire, not that that was at the very beginning, "friendship" as alms to you, so that you do not suffer too much without it).

In the post-ping stage of the comeback, plus starts writing letters. Not just "hello, how are you?", But letters with explanations. The letters can be short or long, but he is trying to explain something that he thinks you do not understand, and therefore remain silent. For example: "I know I behaved horribly, but you would have known how bad I was then" or "I know that you may be the best man in my life, but I have some internal problems." … Sometimes there are no excuses in the letters, but there are suggestions, if the plus is a business person with good boundaries. He (she) can write: "I solved one problem you mentioned. If you want, I will show you the result." Etc. Sometimes it's just, "I really miss, I think about you."

By and large, these explanations are nothing new. A slightly warmer interpretation of the same. I’m sorry that it happened, but I don’t regret that I left. I miss and think, but I don't want to change anything, just nostalgia. I am ready to be useful to you as a friend, although I don’t want a relationship with you.

Most comebacks break in the post-ping stage. Minus agrees to communicate, it seems to him that otherwise he will lose the chance for a relationship, plus he will simply decide that he does not need anything. But the secret is that the plus must show that you don't need friendship. Besides friendship, he offers nothing. And friendship is not beneficial to you, and even humiliating in your position. Even if, having calmed down a little, you think that you would just like to be friends, not counting on more, these are temporary illusions.

Your self-esteem will be deflated as soon as you begin to communicate more closely. After the euphoria of the first day, when the joyful plus, glad that he managed to turn you around, usually communicates a lot and warmly, he will begin to disappear and gradually distance himself. He will distance himself every time you need his warmth, and you will need him, because you attach a hundred hooks like thistles, crawling in these bushes, following the subtext of his speeches and expecting some confessions.

Sometimes the pros are willing (or even willing) to combine friendship with sex. They no longer want to live together, to develop relationships in a serious way - no, but sometimes to communicate and sleep - why not. For some reason, it seems to stupid minuses in the crown that sexual offers must be supported by consent in order to return love. In fact, the pros simply sleep out of habit or out of pity or nothing to do, or because they sleep with many, depending on which person is your plus. There is nothing about love in this.

But about the loss of your self-esteem and about the loss of respect for you - a lot. Plus knows that you love him and would like to be together, but lets you know that sex + friendship is all you can count on, alas. What dynamics can you get from such a humiliating attitude? Only negative. You will feel ugly, unnecessary, sticky, and weak-willed. And you will definitely be just that if you don't break out.

Breaking out of the trap is more difficult than not falling into it. Therefore, there is no need to respond to anything at the post-ping stage either. Until you are offered an offer to resume the relationship again, until they tell you about love and say that they want to live together, but rather get married (this is important, everything except such plans is nonsense, especially during a comeback, at a distance, when emotions exaggerated and should be divided by two), you can be silent.

Silence means just “thank you, don’t,” in this case, “I don’t need your pity, I’m myself somehow”. Silence does not mean that you do not love or have found another, there is nothing about this in your silence. Do not fantasize, please. But if you have a desire to demonstrate to the person who abandoned you that you are waiting for him on the shore, faithfully and faithfully, with your self-respect, it is a disaster.

You need to answer only when you are made a worthy offer. Decent and direct, not what you thought of between the lines yourself. In the case of a decent and direct proposal, it must be said what you think. This is very important, because if you immediately say "yes", it means that you sat and waited, did not take care of your life, remained in limbo, with a pleadingly open beak. This is an attractive image, do you think? So you have to think if you respect yourself and find yourself out of the trash heap.

And then the most difficult and most interesting stage of the comeback begins. At the stage when the plus makes a serious proposal to start all over again, most of the minuses are completely lost. And when they are lost, they lose both the returned (due to self-respect) energy and significance in the eyes of the plus. That is why there is a lively conviction among the people that it is not worth starting over again, nothing good will happen. There are good things, of course, and not because the "plus realized", but because the minus has grown self-esteem and is now able to develop relationships in balance. You will not have sufficient self-esteem, you will merge yourself with another, you will definitely leave and merge in the negative. This is the physical law of the psychological field.

I'll write about the end of the comeback later. About a happy ending and how to get it.

For now, let's talk about the beginning. Surely many have gone through the initial stage of the comeback. Happened?