2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Step-by-step instruction
Its goal is not so much to achieve "oblivion" of completed relationships, but to clarify the mechanics of the process of the emergence of relationships and the subsequent pain of separation. To understand why this does not succeed at all - it is easy to part. Once we understand the mechanics of how we “got involved” and “got involved,” we understand how to reverse this process.
Relationship body
When two begin to live together and live into each other, an energetic third space begins to form between them, which did not exist before their connection - this is the "body of relations". Relationship body, after it has formed, it begins to exist by itself, although it is very dependent on the actions and thoughts of the "parents" who created it.
Imagine this - Egregor. Yes, this is an egregor formed by two. The bush that you have planted and grow, watered with your thoughts and actions. We planted this "bush" ourselves, "and we are responsible for what we gave birth to …" and now, he himself demands attention from you and already wants to live by himself. The egregor of relationships wants to live. That's what it is relationship body.
When you broke up, the egregor of the "relationship body" does not cease to exist at the moment. We know that the one who leaves and ends the relationship carries one-third of the pain of a breakup, and the one who is left carries two-thirds.
The one who was left is a victim of circumstances, and the one who left is the initiator of the break. Initiators, leaders, authors are more ready to take responsibility for their feelings (responsibility for their feelings to themselves).
Do not think that they have no pain about this. There is pain. But, pain from heaviness and "vampirism" relationship bodies they have more than their completion. That is why they are the initiators and of two evils chose the lesser - to break off the relationship. The one who was left, naturally, does not want to see this. His own pain overshadows his eyes to the pain of others.
What to do?
Stop watering the bush. Stop feeding your thoughts relationship body, and it, over time, without recharge, as it was drawn, will melt in the energy space.
How can you do this if the advice “don't think about the white monkey” and “get it all out of your head” doesn't work? - you ask.
Think of a pink elephant or a spotted cat! -I will answer you
That is, the secret is to realize in time "oh, I'm starting to think about it again …", and to divert your attention to something else fascinating. Change the topic.
To help myself, you can write a list of how I can help myself to quickly stop "watering the bush":
- make a call to a friend …
- go to social networks …
- read the article …
That is, doing any business that requires maximum attention from me is suitable (washing the dishes is not suitable).
Fight fire with fire
"New relationships - kill old", this wisdom is as old as the world. Of course, you are unlikely to get from a serious relationship into an equally serious and deep one, but the point here is not in relationships, but in impressions.
You need new experiences, the power of which can supplant the brightness of previous memories. New relationships, new contacts and just new communication - choose yourself what suits you. Nobody calls you to fornication, but nobody forbids you either. Remember this.
It is good to understand and remember, however, the bright is never deep. But now the brightness of emotions is healing for you, it pulls you out from the depths, pulls you out of pain to the surface. Where you are able to embrace yourself, reassemble yourself from broken fragments into a single piece and understand who you are and where you want to move on.
What to do?
Chat with new and well-forgotten old friends. Maybe go into a new relationship from the position "no one owes anything to anyone." Realizing in advance that, first of all, it is for the mood - about "here and now". Such a healing move and "nothing serious" - this formula can protect yourself from your own expectations and disappointments.
This approach is an interaction devoid of selfish consumerism with the aim of diagnosing oneself and the world. This is intelligence about "how do people communicate now and how do they see me?"
After all, you, during the immersion in the previous relationship, for a very long time perceived yourself through the eyes of the previous partner. And this, you see, is one-sided. It's time to reassemble yourself, update information about yourself through the reflection of yourself in other new people.
New people are, first of all, a fresh perception of oneself. Secondly, it is a new energy, which is also important. After all, your relationship body already "does not heat".
Investigate your gifts and your resentment
Take your time to close this paragraph with the phrase “ah, I realized, he gave me lessons in pain and trials. Partner - wow, wonderful - I am!"
This view is not enough. This is a negative perspective, where you put yourself in a good light and your partner in a bad light. You're playing generosity. No, it doesn’t work, because it’s self-deception.
Self-deception is always costly. You pay by the fact that you cannot leave the relationship in your head, the time of life is running out, you are losing it. This is a very expensive price.
This is where you need to explore the depth of your resentment. Find and see what this resentment is based on. That is, to find your "lack".
For example: I wrote her love letters, but she didn’t - she had little emotion on her part.
I gave him "all of myself", but he willingly took and "gave nothing."
In general, there any "I did so much" is not balanced by reciprocity. “I’m like this to him, but he’s not like that” is expectation, it is the soil for your disappointments.
Having found this point of a specific expectations, on which your resentment grew, reconsider it and see that a real person has little to do with your expectations. You came up with it - expectation.
And even if he played along with you, and did not immediately refute your claims, he still, is not identical with your expectations. He could not see in your head (behind the non-translucent skull) in details and details, your project “the bright image of my partner”, and therefore did not hold out, did not justify. After all, he has his own plan for his life.
- They did not expect? Oh really? Here is an impudent man, he did not appreciate his happiness to be with you. Yes, he could not appreciate it. Well, that also happens. Some are "hindsight" smart.
This means that and there is nothing to be offended by him, but you need to be offended by yourself. You need to take offense at yourself, who / who came up with this “bright image” and “your heavenly future”.
And since you can take offense at yourself (this is always please), then you can also forgive yourself, you stupid one.
So it turns out that you don't need to forgive anyone but yourself. Forgiving yourself to a silly fool, for naive expectations, claims, it is possible and not so difficult. To do this, you need to "remove the crown" of your omniscient, far-sighted and omnipotent ego and show your essential, real - sympathy. Empathize with yourself as a small, beloved child. Yes, I can’t always know everything, well, okay, and that also happens. And that's me too.
It is difficult to forgive another. Because it is generally impossible to forgive another
Forgiving another is a glitch. You can only forgive yourself. It is important to find for what: for stupidity, for extravagance, for openness, for generosity, for weakness, for helplessness, etc.
And accept that this is me too. Yes, I happen to be like that. This is fair, and therefore, from this point you can move on. Draw conclusions, start new, live.
Having ceased to forgive anyone outside, you again turned to face the future … Otherwise, "there was no life." Because, trying to forgive another, you turned your back on life. And life answered you in return. And it was fair, beautiful and symmetrical.
Keep on loving
This point may at first glance contradict the first, but it is not. We simply, having made a circle, enter the next turn of the spiral, to a new level of understanding and love of life.
Here, it becomes relevant that we never stop loving our loved ones, it is just that sometimes our relationship ceases to be useful to one of the two. Therefore, we part.
Here, in the "dry residue" remains light warmth.“Yes, this man was in my life and he will forever remain a page of my biography - thanks to him and good fellow travelers.”
Here, in fact, we grew up. Having accepted everything that was and are already ready to change again “hate for love”. Now we love ourselves in relationships, our high impulses and low impulses, our purity of thoughts and our selfish interest. Not whitewashing yourself, but not denigrating yourself. Here we are ready to see the whole spectrum. Yes, this experience made me, developed me.
Thanks to him, I can hear myself better. Since, constructively forgiving, as it turned out, is oneself, one who is capable of giving love to another, one of the signs of adult qualities is the ability to give.
Now in the memories there is no pain, does not "pins" at his calls and approaching in space - let go. Let go as far as we have passed the three previous points.
Some (not many) intuitively follow this path, the path of realizing the meaning of relationships. And they come to understand, not so much why, how much, why all this was and how it made me wider and richer for a lifetime.
Long looping on "Why?", "Why was it all like this?" - not helpful. "Why" -it turns us to face the past. BUT "why" it was - puts us face to face with the future. Where do you want to live? That's it!
What to do
Thank.
What to thank for?
Thank you, at least for the fact that the person spent some time of his life on you.
Spending your life time on someone else is an invaluable gift. He cannot be compared to any private clarification about what you / he specifically would like from the relationship. It is helpful to realize this once.
Appreciate the other, yes you will be appreciated.
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