Narcissistic Disposition (child Being Used)

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

People with a narcissistic character vitally need admiration, recognition of their exclusivity. Therefore, it is important for them to be in the spotlight, to achieve social success. At the same time, they are usually arrogant, self-confident, not inclined to show empathy, but they are inclined to exploit others.

Through persistent self-presentation, daffodils appear to be highly competent in their field. But close observation of their activities for a long time reveals the superficiality of knowledge and skills.

Narcissistic trauma is formed when love in the family is passed off as payment for meeting expectations. The value of a child is determined by the ability to meet the parent's requirements. He is important not because of who he really is, but because he performs a certain function. It sounds like "Be what I want and I will love you."

A boy who wants to become an artist, but dad dreamed of a son - a football player. He will be told that this will not happen in our family, and who you are so ugly, a real man does not do this, and so on and so forth.

Or a plump girl whose mother decided that she should become a ballerina or gymnast. Great, of course, what else. She will listen for years, both at home and at ballet / gymnastics, that she needs to lose weight.

Narcissistic character is the result of rejecting oneself in order to receive parental love. Such people deeply repress their real personality and build a new, fake one instead. As a result, we get a very bright, often successful, but deeply unhappy person. Since behind the outward manifestations of strength, competence and happiness lies a feeling of one's own insignificance, the feeling that he was never who he wanted, or that he never felt satisfied.

Convinced of their own superiority, narcissists almost completely do not understand the characteristics, concerns, desires of other people or are not interested in them. Strive to dominate in any relationship - they can only endure completely subordinate slaves. They don't know the difference between love and ruthless manipulation and exploitation. Their own deceit is morally justified for them. At the same time, they do not understand that their lies affect the internal attitude of other people towards them. Not able to bear moral obligations, to take care of others.

Bodily, narcissism can be expressed in the weakness of the development of the lower part of the body with the "swelling" of the upper body. Because parental restrictions are often sex-related, narcissists tend to have severe pelvic tension. Spasm in the diaphragm, preventing free breathing. As if "raised" shoulders and significant tension in the shoulder girdle. Often there is a stiffness in the neck, holding back the flow of feelings from the body to the head.

Facial expressions are usually arrogant or mockingly aggressive. Usually there are more or less disguised sadistic tendencies. Such people, as a rule, pre-empt with their own attack the intended attack from the side of others. Their aggression is often expressed not so much in what they say or do as in the manner in which they speak and act.

Signs of a narcissistic nature:

- Objectification, exploitation of others.

The narcissist uses others as a mirror in which he can best reflect. The people who surround him should emphasize his greatness, but not overshadow him. They should be tactful and attentive retinue, reinforcing his grandiose conceit. The narcissistic person makes contact not in terms of who the person is, but for the purpose of using it.

A beautiful wife makes a person with a narcissistic personality physically attractive, an influential friend significant, and a talented son equally talented. If the narcissist is feeling ugly, then he will look for a beautiful partner. If he feels stupid, he will look for someone who seems smart to him. If he feels bored, he will try to find someone interesting.

Such people consider themselves entitled to the full and exclusive use of their loved ones. If the partner is not unconditionally available at all times, they will go berserk. Usually they envy the spouse's work, his hobbies, and other attachments that somehow distract attention from the narcissist.

- Idealization and depreciation.

The narcissistic character has difficulty seeing others realistically, in the aggregate of their merits and demerits. People are divided into two categories - good and bad, without halftones.

As a rule, before the establishment or after the destruction of the narcissist's relationship, the idealization of the partner comes to the fore, while in the process of direct interaction, the narcissistic person devalues him in every possible way, idealizing someone else.

Narcissistic depreciation is expressed in the negation of the value of another, or an attempt to reduce his importance. A person is constantly broadcast, directly or non-verbally, that something is wrong with him - from appearance to personal qualities.

Deeply suffering from the feeling of his insignificance experienced by him, the narcissist cannot stand the manifestations of life, freedom and spontaneity in another person. By devaluing what is meaningful and important to others, he unconsciously tries to get rid of his own unbearable feelings.

- Difficulty in establishing relationships, loneliness.

Narcissists have a reduced capacity for sensitivity, human warmth and empathy. Their main interest is focused on maintaining the ideal image they have created. The emptiness of the narcissist's contact with another person is clearly felt - communication consists of endless conversations of the narcissistic person about himself. Few can withstand such interaction for a long time and the relationship is destroyed.

The narcissist finds himself alone, as no one is good enough for him. Plus, isolation protects the individual from intimacy that seems dangerous. Many narcissistic individuals choose to suffer from loneliness instead of taking it as a signal to go out to people.

The main tragedy of the narcissist is his inability to love, i.e. an inability to have a genuine and deep interest in another person without the desire to use it. The reason for this is the narcissistic personality's morbid preoccupation with himself. All the psychic energy of such a person is turned on himself and is aimed at satisfying exclusively his own needs, as a result of which there is simply no room for someone else in his soul. In addition, the narcissist cannot accept himself and the other person as he is, which is a prerequisite for healthy and mature love for both himself and others.

Narcissistic personality therapy focuses on the realization that there is more to life. At some point, it becomes clear that others really see, hear and feel each other, that in the experiences of other people there is real joy and love, that these feelings can be real. This awareness is the germ of narcissistic transformation. The narcissist will not find salvation in success, in his exclusivity or uniqueness. His task is to accept his human ordinariness. In this ordinariness lies his ability to experience real human feelings.