Vaginismus Or "virgin" Marriage

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Once a woman came to see me. Let's call her Marina (the names of the characters in the article are fictitious, any coincidences are accidental) and said that she had been married for eight years, but she and her husband still have not been able to have a normal intimate life. Marina even thought she was still a virgin.

With every attempt to have sexual intercourse with her husband, she had fear and pain in the area of the vaginal opening, her legs cramped. A gentle, compliant, caring, loving spouse (let's call him Andrey) treated his wife like a spoiled child, fulfilled her desires and whims almost unquestioningly. Andrey was ready to forgive his wife for everything and waited patiently. I waited for her to somehow solve this problem. Andrei categorically refused to go to the doctor, because he was subconsciously sure that he was to blame for the failures, because he was weak as a man. He was afraid of publicity and, as it seemed to him, the subsequent publicity of shame and contempt from relatives and friends.

However, relatives, and especially the mother-in-law, constantly pestered Marina with questions about when, finally, she would have a child. Recently, attempts to laugh it off and keep silent to Marina no longer helped. She was desperate, on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She often cried, avoided relatives and acquaintances with their tactless questions. Marina's heart began to ache from constant stress, she suffered from insomnia and depression. Often the thought came that the mother-in-law would give an ultimatum: a child or a divorce. In addition to the impossibility of getting pregnant, Marina was constantly oppressed by the feeling of her inferiority.

During the first visit, she asked to deprive her of her virginity by performing an operation "under anesthesia", since her husband cannot do it in the usual way. It seemed to her that if the hymen was removed, then everything would be fine. During the treatment, it turned out that this was not necessary, because Marina is no longer a virgin. It turned out that many years ago, even before marriage, she had a friend who, perhaps, became her first man. “Perhaps,” because at that crucial moment Marina was so drunk that she remembers nothing.

During the examination, no diseases or defects in the development of the genital organs were revealed in Marina, which also turned out to be pleasant news for her, since not a single gynecologist had ever been able to examine her. Each attempt at examination ended with a convulsion, severe pain and overwhelming fear.

Described is a fairly typical case of a disease called vaginismus. More precisely, according to the current international classification of diseases - inorganic vaginismus, that is, convulsive contraction of the muscles of the vagina and pelvic floor, caused by an overwhelming fear of intercourse. As a result of this muscle contraction, penetration into the vagina becomes impossible. The cause of vaginismus can be a delay in physical, mental and sexual development, ignorance of gender relations, sexual trauma in the past (for example, an attempt at rape, as was the case with Marina), unwillingness to have sex in general or with a specific partner.

Most often, vaginismus is a consequence of the immature sexuality of a woman who consciously or unconsciously does not want sexual relations with this partner as a carrier of certain sexual and personal qualities. A woman's negative attitude or even aversion to sex life with her partner or to sex in general can arise due to constant dissatisfaction with sexual life, rejection of some physical, psychological, behavioral characteristics of the partner (body odor, untidiness, rudeness, inattention, cruelty, etc.) etc.).

Perseverance and patience are required from both the doctor and the patient in treating vaginismus. It is necessary to understand and eliminate the cause of the fear of sexual intercourse. For this, analytical, rational (explanatory) psychotherapy, autogenic training, and a set of special exercises are used. At the same time, you can use various sedatives, pain relievers in the form of ointments and microclysters. As a rule, it is necessary to carry out psychotherapeutic work with the patient's husband.

Correct and timely treatment is almost always effective. So it was with Marina and Andrey. Their life has improved, they recently had a child.