I Must And Even Want To, But I Can't Budge

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

AUTHOR: IRINA DYBOVA

When a person wants to do something, he cannot be stopped.

As Ray Bradbury, author of Dandelion Wine said, "If you can not write, do not write."

If a person does not do something, then he does not have the resource for it. Physically, there is no strength or no strength at all. They are blocked, spent on something else, and in order to do what “needs”, he must “go on the rims”, with the last bit of strength, “for wear and tear”.

Everyone has their own energy supply, and people really differ in the level of energy given to them by nature.

But if there was a time when you gushed out energies, “threw up your hands in clouds”, turned up big projects, did a lot and did a good job, and now you cannot budge, you should ask yourself - where is your energy? Where did she go? And what are you spending it on now?

Competing need

There is something that is much more important now.

You are trying to focus on work and a child is ill at home. Where will your thoughts go?

You are offered a promotion and invited to the central office in Marseille, and your man, with whom everything is just getting tied up and you are afraid to frighten off this still fragile, newborn happiness and the emerging hope for family life, remains in Moscow.

You need to collect your thoughts and take the next step in your project, but all your thoughts are with your daughter, who is in the process of entering a university and moving to another city.

resistance to development

It is clear that in such cases, you turn on the resistance. And unsuccessfully done work and a quarrel with the boss and a personal project that does not start in any way - all this will be the sad result of not realizing the second, competing need. The desire to remain a good mother, a happy woman and just not be alone will stick in the wheels of your career and professional growth.

Conflict of needs, ce la vie. Such conflicts take up a lot of energy, make you torn, rush, feel guilt and shame.

To get out of the clinch, it is important to see all sides of the conflict and each need to “give the floor”. Psychologists and coaches are usually successful in helping to deal with this. When organizing such a “dialogue of needs” on your own, there is a risk not to notice the “blind spot”. (Actually, when working with oneself, there is always such a risk, it is important to remember this. Therefore, psychologists have their own psychologists)).

when the past is projected onto the present

It is not only the competing need that can block the movement towards the goal.

You need to go to submit the documents to the embassy, go to the bailiffs and find out about the arrest of accounts, start privatizing the dacha, in the end make an appointment with the oncological dispensary about these strange moles -

"I cannot budge, I AM AFRAID!"

“It's just that my legs are bent, cold sweat comes out, everything inside contracts, and I can't help myself. My feet don't go there and that's it."

A large, strong, adult person instantly turns into a small, weak, frightened child. And he is ready to run as fast as he can in the direction opposite to the embassies, bailiffs, law firms and cancer hospitals. Or prepare to fight representatives of all of the above. And someone simply froze, “pretended to be dead” and would not budge, unless they were dragged by force or “overstepped”.

What's going on? How does an adult, intelligent, person capable of doing serious things suddenly turn into a helpless child unable to take elementary steps?

Why is that?

There is a strong experience that is somewhat similar to this one. There can be a lot of horror, pain, humiliation, feelings of complete helplessness and shame. What kind of person in his right mind and sober memory will climb into this again?

If such an experience covers, and the line between what is really happening now and what is happening once is erased. Moreover, the experience may not be remembered, but the body and psyche will give out a natural reaction - to run, save, fight or freeze.

What kind of movement towards the goal is there.

People can give in not only to embassies and hospitals, but also before their own upcoming wedding, for example.

In all these cases, there is some idea of how “there” will be, beginning with the words:

"I know that.."

“I know anyway I won't prove anything. I know that I will waste a lot of time and only disgrace myself. " “I know they will say I have cancer. And I won't leave the hospital again.” "I know I will look like a complete fool in the eyes of his family at the wedding."

This representation in professional language is called "projection". An amazing phenomenon, I want to tell you! You can superimpose your idea on anything you want, project failures, cataclysms, hostile attitudes of those around you. And the world will match! This is how their own reality is created, where the same negative experience is repeated over and over again.

a person has other ways to slow down his own growth and movement towards his goals:

Such as the attitudes received sometime in childhood about what is and should not be for “good girls” and “real men”, messages from the clan, about how to live. I wrote a lot on this topic: “Mom doesn't tell me to be beautiful”, “Parental message”, “Life according to the script” “When a choice appears”, “Life that was not meant for me”.

You can try to do good and live the lives of others instead of taking care of yourself. When your own needs are projected onto those around you. The result is an abandoned personal life, a complete lack of understanding of their needs, “heroism” at work and in everyday life, anger and exhaustion. At the same time, their own goals are not achieved, help is always expected from others. A person expects "alaverdi" from others and, as a rule, do not wait. The "blessed" seldom experience gratitude from imposed kindness. About this: "Not to be a hero, but to live in harmony with yourself", "I owe nothing to anyone!",

There are those who like to stop themselves with illness from important decisions, relocations and changes in life. When, instead of flying with her son on a long-awaited trip to Paris, a woman somatizes and ends up in the hospital. And for many years now, each of her trips has been preceded by an operation. Only after the "payment" can you go. About the benefits of disease in the articles: “I am afraid of getting cancer. Alluring Disease "," Why Disease Is Needed"

What people just do not come up with in order not to allow themselves to change.

it is important to remember that the stronger the need, the stronger the resistance. by the strength of your resistance, you can guess how important it is to you where you are going