"Meeting The Body", A Case From Work

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

She, a woman worn out by life, tired of the tantrums of her own 9-year-old son, from the fact that all close and not very people constantly put pressure on her, believe that their desires are more important than what she feels, and how else she can not always guess about their desires!

She came to me for a consultation, because she was tired of endless scandals with her son in the process of completing lessons, from the fact that it is almost impossible to get him to perform any duties (cleaning up after himself, collecting his portfolio, etc.), from the fact that his behavior depends on his mood and much more on what.

We think, discuss, feel. How are rules made at home? How should the husband relate to these rules? What happens if the rules are violated?

Suddenly, Ekaterina says that saying “no” to someone, protecting her personal boundaries is for her the same as rejecting this person, stopping communicating with him. Crying …

Where and which of the adults showed this then still a little girl that her desires and thoughts do not matter, that you can always push and force her to do what an adult wants. And if suddenly it was not possible to push through, if suddenly she tried to resist, to defend what she considers important, then she is a bad girl, and no one will love her.

We agreed on the next meeting.

During the week, Ekaterina watched how she sets boundaries in relationships, with whom she manages to keep the boundaries despite the pressure, and with whom it causes difficulties.

Ekaterina came in an excited state, she talks a lot, moves a lot. She reports that she hardly slept at night, as there was a conflict with her husband in the evening. After him, he feels tension in the whole body, from which he cannot free himself. Forgive me to show what the body feels, what position it wants to take. And suddenly I see a very small human being in front of me on the carpet - in the fetal position - Catherine pressed her arms to her chest, squeezed her legs, and everything was twisted into a ball.

- How are you feeling?

- Bad, scary, it is difficult to breathe.

- What are the sensations in the body, is there a desire to move somehow?

- There are two desires: one to move, and the other to stay that way. There is a feeling that everything is pointless and you shouldn't start moving.

We followed the movement. The flower began to bloom. Slowly and very carefully, Catherine began to move, first with her legs, with her back, then with her whole body, got up. Something is missing. We search, we find - we knock with our feet, feet on the floor. Anger appears, anger appears, strength, freedom appears. It has become much easier, but not everything … We are looking for. We begin to shake our arms and legs, shake our whole body and head. Freedom!

Have you ever wondered, have you ever seen how an animal behaves when it is chased by a predator. It either runs away or attacks the aggressor, adrenaline is released, the whole body is collected and tuned in to quick and decisive actions to save life. And if attack or flight is not possible? You can freeze, so that the predator thinks that you are already dead, so that it loses interest in you. But further in the animal kingdom, when the predator leaves and the victim is saved, it behaves in an interesting way. Rises to his feet and shakes - relieves all tension, becomes alive and free again, the body is freed from necrosis.

And we? How often, as children, we froze when our parents punished us, or when a strict teacher scolded us, when someone raised their voice at you, small and defenseless. What did we do with this tension, how did we return to natural behavior? Almost nothing. We have lost contact with animals, our body's natural reactions. But our return to them is possible, like the return of Catherine.

At a meeting a week later, Catherine says that it has become much easier for her to communicate with her husband, that the tension from the body has gone, that it is easier for her to withstand pressure from a person and maintain contact with herself when interacting with someone. Catherine's road to naturalness and freedom has just begun, there will still be a way. But now there is joy from the beginning. Hooray!