Manipulation: Protection From The Puppeteer

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Manipulation is a deliberate influence on a person in order to get him to behave in a certain way. As a rule, it leads to the emergence of "alien", previously absent and unusual needs or desires in the victim. The true intentions of the "puppeteer" remain in the shadows.

Why do they resort to manipulation? There can be many answers to this question. For those who are incapable of open communication, there is often no other way to achieve what they want. Others are so afraid of refusal in the event of a direct request that they prefer to "go around the interlocutor on a crooked goat" every time, so as not to discover their true needs. For others, manipulations are so familiar that they always use them, even if there is no need for it. Etc…

The most unpleasant thing is not even this, but the fact that manipulations surround us everywhere, and not only in interpersonal relationships. For example, most of the advertising techniques are built on them, they are widely used in retail sales, recruiting neophytes in religious movements and sects, professional beggars and beggars resort to them … The list is really huge, and learning to recognize all these hidden influences is very important.

On the shelves

What are the types of manipulations? There are several classifications, but the most practically useful one in which they are divided according to the places through which the impact occurs. Let's look at three main “application points”.

Guilt

It is most often used in manipulative relationships with loved ones. But often teachers, leaders and other members of all kinds of social hierarchies commit the same sin in relation to their subordinates. You get the impression that you have done something very bad to the person, and this literally causes a storm of emotions in the “victim”. A very effective method of influence, especially among people of Russian culture, in whose behavior the motives of self-accusation and repentance are traditionally very strong.

Examples:

“Every time after communicating with you, my heart starts to ache! Shameless, can't you take care of your mother!"

"Well, of course, go, go to your friends, I will cry alone and calm down, not for the first time …"

"Ay-yay-yay, how badly you did the task, upset your teacher!"

Self-doubt

The lower your self-esteem, the easier it is to manipulate you into making comments about your appearance, personality, and achievements. Depending on the circumstances, both insults and compliments are used - that is, in the language of behaviorists, reinforcement can be either positive or negative. This tactic is especially often used by male aggressors in relation to a woman. It is also one of the most common advertising techniques: first create the illusion in the viewer that he is incomplete without some important object, and then offer the appropriate product along with the image of a successful and joyful person.

Examples:

"Yes, look at yourself in the mirror, who needs you besides me!"

"How can you count on someone's attention with hair like this?"

"Watch is a sign that you have achieved success"

Unjustified hopes

Each of us has certain personality problems that we would like to get rid of. And when hope appears on the horizon overnight, as if by magic, to change the situation for the better, we become especially vulnerable to various kinds of suggestions. At this moment, it is very easy to forget that magic does not exist, and the manipulator who is courting us is by no means a kind wizard. The desire to instantly be in a world where everything is finally good is too strong.

Examples:

"Marry those who are good at housekeeping"

"If you follow all the rituals and rules, the world will protect you"

"By joining our club, you will gain the respect of the middle class"

How to recognize?

In addition to these tricks, manipulators actively use flattery, feelings of pity, fear, appeal to authority, and much more. It is not necessary to know all their techniques well to feel that something is wrong. Here are a few signs that you might suspect that someone is trying to control you:

Feelings of discomfort

You are doing or are going to do something of your own free will, but at the same time you are somehow unpleasant.

Refusal of the interlocutor from clarifications and clarifications

The main feature of manipulators is that they never agree to clarify relations and clarify questions, since in this case communication becomes direct, which, of course, they do not need at all.

Logical inconsistencies and contradictions, false statements

Of course, the manipulator does not always manage to "enter the role." He “gets confused in the testimony” and tries to combine completely unrelated things, resorts to unfounded accusations and innuendo, operating with phrases like “did you stop drinking cognac in the morning”.

Aggression

Since the manipulator, more often than not, does not know how to state his needs directly - or suspects that he will not get what he wants in this way - then if you exit the scheme he has prepared, he will be angry.

Accusations of manipulation

The best defense, as you know, is attack. Therefore, the manipulator, avoiding situations in which he can be "brought out into the open," strikes a preemptive blow - blames everyone around for what he is constantly doing himself. In fact, this is a common projection.

Vigilance check

We have analyzed some types of manipulations, as well as signals that may suggest that you have fallen into a "trap". How many manipulative tricks do you think the following manager's response to a subordinate's complaint about a colleague's rudeness contains?

“Well, you must, how gentle you are, don't say a word to you! Thank you for being hired at all. How can you be a professional and have such an intolerance for normal criticism? All people talk like that, but with you, it turns out, you can't! One frustration from all of you"

Correct answer - 7 manipulations and substitution of concepts … Let's sort them out in order:

a) refusal to tolerate rudeness is presented as "tenderness" and is declared a negative quality

b) the fact of employment of a person who refuses to endure rudeness is presented as an act of mercy

c) a hint that such qualities exclude professionalism

d) false statement that rudeness is "normal criticism"

e) the fact of a complaint against a colleague is equivalent to "intolerance of criticism"

f) the false statement that all people are rude

g) making the complainant responsible for the “upset”, not the instigator of the conflict.

What if you realize that you are becoming an object of manipulation? There are certain techniques that allow you not to succumb, maintain the status quo and at the same time not cause unnecessary aggression:

- take pauses for thinking more often, and use them to “slow down” the phrases and sentences you have heard, in order to notice all the cunning moves of your opponent;

- learn to break down pseudological verbal constructions, agreeing with the introductory part and disagreeing with the main part (it most often contains the "pig in a poke");

- evaluate the situation from the standpoint of your own comfort ("what do I want?"), And not compliance with the expectations of other people ("what do they want?").

In general, it helps to remember that manipulators are actually very weak, not free and often unhappy, because they do not believe that direct communication is possible at all. It is not in your power to help them, but you may well protect yourself from such interactions by giving a clear enough signal “I don’t play these games”. And let there be as few threads as possible in your relationship to pull on!