The Path From Pain To The Outside

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Pain is meaningless until it becomes a feeling. There is no cure for pain. But there are such ways for overwhelming anger, overwhelming horror, resentment killing, rending guilt, burning shame. Because they are all pain. Feelings in the transcendence of their strength, quantity and duration.

Any heartache was once born as a feeling. Like a mixture of feelings. And then, growing, not being able to subside, cool down, stop, they became pain. Feelings that have no end, which many times exceed a person's ability to survive them, which last longer than it is possible to imagine, become similar to each other. They merge into a ball in which anger can no longer be distinguished from resentment, but fear from guilt. At this level of experience, they turn into pain. And now there are already its characteristics - pulling, cutting, stabbing, paroxysmal, sharp, dull … But invariably painful. It's like with sound - first a barely audible whisper, then a voice, then a scream, then a shout, and then such an edge of the range that the ear just hurts. And you can no longer distinguish between words and music. And there is only one desire - to get rid of this pain. Only if it lasts a very long time, then it can be mistaken for pain in the head or in the chest, in the abdomen. Generally forget that it was originally a sound. But if you do not remember this, then it is simply unrealistic to get rid of the pain. How can a pill from the head or heart, or a compress, or bed rest help if you need to reduce the noise or get away from the source of the crazy sound? So it is with the feelings. Pain divorced from the original meaning is impossible to cope with. Even if it suddenly happens by chance, it will be guessing, blind groping, playing roulette. Because before you do something, you need to give "this" a name. His real name, and not the one that I would like, or the one that is easier to give. This moment of naming a feeling, tying it to certain events and people, can be felt as an increase in pain, an even deeper immersion in it, but this is not so. The name cannot make pain more powerful. Nameless pain has the greatest power. And what seems to be its intensification is the experience of the localization of pain. Because pain, acquiring the name of the feeling and the object to which it is directed, becomes denser and takes on contours. And then she herself becomes an object with which you can somehow handle. It becomes comprehensible, described by an internal object. And only because of this, there is a feeling that this is already pain inside me, and not me inside pain. That is, I am more than pain. This is invaluable experience and invaluable knowledge. To divide the unquenchable pain that creates chaos inside into understandable feelings, and allowing them in turn to find their sources is to give direction to the movement. Direction for thoughts, realizations and experiences. And then action. Because for any step there is the necessary form, if there is an understanding of why it is being performed. Pain is endless, as long as you accept it for what it wants to appear. But under her black cloak there is always a different body, a different essence, a different womb. As frightening as it is to look there, only there you can find the answer. Only there are the origins of what now looks perverted and distorted. Something that puts on a faceless mask of pain, hiding under diseases, phantom pains and mental pain itself as such. Only in our hands is the right to remove this cover, to name everything that hides under it by name, to make an audit of our internal attics and basements. But it is better to do this with the support of friends and a therapist. And let your inner demons be weaker than you.