Charming Vampire Or Common Daffodil

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Now there are a lot of articles about daffodils. As a rule, there is a description of their habits and a picture to attract attention. The picture is often a psychopathic-looking man who looks like the Joker. For victims who have already fallen into the circle of communication with the narcissist, this is understandable. There are nuances that should be clarified.

From my experience, I would like to add that, firstly, women are found daffodils along with men. And their patterns of behavior are no different from those of men.

Secondly, the image of narcissists is pretty much demonized. Yes, the narcissist is capable of pretty fraying nerves and morally exhausting the victim, but this is not a movie antihero-psychopath with an ax or a chainsaw. In general, the intransigent narcissist rarely comes to physical violence.

Narcissists are so often described as antisocial and vicious that people are quite willing to let real narcissists into their lives. After all, outside he is a very charming and bright person. Externally. A bright shell behind which is emptiness and a lot of shame.

The narcissist will diligently hide his true part, that abyss where there is a lot of darkness, shame and boredom. Cover up cruelty with “correctness”: “I threw away your red-rimmed glasses and pink sneakers, because the neighbors will think that you are crazy…”. Remember the teachers who chased the boys around the school to cut off their Beatles' curls and get a haircut “like everyone else's”, if they managed to catch a child and deprive them of curls, such teachers blissed out from the grief experienced by a teenager. One daffodil kept a scalpel at home and opened boils on his partner because “it's so ugly to walk” and “it's a shame that people would think that his wife has acne,” cutting an abscess on his face and had a happy expression.

Outside, the narcissist is a very sweet person, bright and charming, capable of talking on many topics. Moreover, they will choose the topics that are at the peak of popularity. At the time of the popularity of space and physics, many daffodils left to teach physics, to gently touch the strings of guitars to bard songs. In the dashing nineties, daffodils owned red jackets and cooperatives, or rather business cards with the magnificent names of companies, where they were called CEOs, even if the company consisted of three employees. Nowadays daffodils cut their curls, talk about hype and vape and dance salsa. And when this becomes outdated, they follow the fashion further.

Narcissus is enraged by otherness. They hardly understand how you can be different from everyone else, how you can go against the general rules.

What distinguishes the narcissist is the lack of inner fulfillment. The narcissist is not creative and often uses the resources of others to imitate creativity. It is easier for a narcissist to manipulate so that others can "develop" him. A narcissist can be carried on by his wife or husband, pushed in for the narcissist, promoted along the career ladder, chewed on the daffodil difficult moments of study. Moreover, the wife will believe that she only helps "to support talent", "provides light help for the sake of love."

Or the narcissist will reign in the team and collect the cream from the team's work. In the past, and in our time, scientific institutes work in this way. There is an inventor, but his invention will not be missed if he enters in the co-authors the names of colleagues on whom he depends.

It must be said that the narcissist himself is not creative, but he is very good at using the resources of others. I am familiar with cases where narcissists had files with a set of quotes and pictures for answers to various topics, from political debates to love lyrics. Quotes are beautiful and polished, and make an impression brighter than they would have been their own ideas. So if you think the courtship and messages are sickeningly beautiful and polished like greeting poems on postcards, just Google them. There is a chance that these cute poems or wise thoughts were written long before the birth of the one who sent them in his own name.

At the same time, the narcissist is difficult to catch in a lie. Narcissists love to lie, but they are great at getting out. Long endless conversations, deviations from the topic, transitions to the personal, to the wounding interlocutor. The narcissist studies the victim and then will use exactly those topics that will hook you on the emotional hook.

At first, the jokes of the narcissist are not very noticeable, the thought arises like “Well, this nice man said something hurting, it’s an exception,” then the thought comes “yes, sometimes it’s unpleasant, but you can endure it” …

Alas, there will be more jokes further. First, the narcissist conquers the victim and he needs to look like a handsome prince in her eyes. But anger accumulates in him, because he has to spend resources on creating a beautiful image. Further, when the victim is won, the narcissist allows himself to relax and "play", that is, to provoke the victim to negative emotions. This will be interspersed with happy periods, allowing the victim to build hope in their soul that happiness with the narcissist is possible.

In general, this hope grows over time and becomes more and more attractive to the victim. The more the “emotional swing” between violence and joyful moments, the more the victim begins to hope that one day life with the narcissist will improve and be very happy.

People accustomed to abuse in parental families, accustomed to believing that love can be earned, begin to "deserve the love" of the narcissist. The narcissist is quite comfortable: this is attention, gifts, and significant financial injections. The victim believes “that this time she was wrong, provoked a scandal, but next time everything will be perfect”, “so she will give this to the narcissist and he will never again …” And the period of quarrels and reconciliation begins, leaving and coming.

Over time, the victim becomes accustomed to this pattern and ceases to emotionally react to it. This is where the narcissist has to try some kind of creativity. For example, a myth is created about a mistress, the wife is told that the narcissist has a certain beautiful lady at work, and the wife is provoked into jealousy. Someone may threaten to beat the children if the wife is emotionally dependent on them. One lady packed her suitcase, turned off the phone and left the apartment for several days, while the distraught husband called everyone who might know where she had gone. At work, by the way, the lady took a vacation for these days.

An important point in a relationship with a narcissist is "conspicuous concern." The narcissist will take care of the victim, exactly as much as the victim needs, who has received less care in childhood from relatives. This affects a person who has received less care as a drug. Further, the concern will be indicative: something is bought that the victim did not ask for, "improvements" are made in the victim's apartment without her knowledge, food is prepared that the victim does not want to eat, but if you are not happy about this, then a scandal will follow or the victim will have to "endure" … It turns out a "fork": either refuse and get a scandal, or endure and accept violence in a different form, for example, choking on food that you don't want.

Photo by Simon Marshall

When the victim realizes that she is somehow not at all buzzing in this tension and lies, and tries to clarify or leave, then the narcissist instantly becomes the same as he was at the beginning of the relationship. The sacrifice is promised an earthly paradise, flowers are given, an asterisk from the sky and the moon are promised in addition. This is all superimposed on the victim's supply of hope. “Finally, he has changed, he realized. We will be happy in the future."

And then a new circle of violence begins, and these are no longer isolated jokes as in the beginning. This will be a full-fledged regular abuse. The narcissist no longer tries to hide his manipulations from the victim. Paralyzed by fear and hope, she has too little strength left to leave. This phase is when the well-wishers say "Why aren't you leaving him?" Although, in fact, only a few are capable of leaving in such an emaciated state. As a rule, the narcissist himself leaves for a new, fresher victim.

It is important to say that he will not leave the victim just like that, he will be aware of the victim's affairs and from time to time remind about himself. Others manage to install tracking programs, come to visit, be signed on social networks. And from time to time "ping" the victim - call and sigh into the phone, send a sad verse, "accidentally" meet the victim on the street.

When meeting, the narcissist behaves as if there was no violence, looks sad and loving. This can greatly increase the emotional dependence of the victim.

It will be important to say that it is not uncommon for narcissists to practice their facial expressions in front of a mirror. It's hard to believe, but these are just masks that they need to control people. Remember that if the narcissist has been violent or lied to more than once, then it is very likely that the gentle facial expressions and affectionate words are just another played tool.

So if you recognize at least one of these signs in your relationship, it is a reason to think about it and answer yourself to the question "Does this relationship make me happy?"