2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I will continue the topic of anger by explaining the difference between anger and aggression.
Since I confused these concepts earlier.
Anger is a feeling, a manifestation. I can just get angry, register this feeling in myself, say about it.
Aggression is an action that can be controlled after being angry.
For example, you can get angry at some everyday situation in a relationship and at the same time start cleaning, breaking dishes or a pillow - this is already action, aggression.
Anger primarily acts as a driving force, energy. The body is mobilized, the muscles are engaged and ready for action, vision becomes clearer, the adrenaline level rises, and then you are able to move into aggressive actions. Prove, achieve what you need.
For example, someone tells you that you are a failure. You are angry. You can take offense at a person, yell back or defend yourself. Or you can use the energy of anger and move on to action. Think about why I am a failure, what am I doing, and go out and do it in order to be successful. So that no one else will call you that.
Many, unfortunately, choose the first option. But I would suggest using the resource of the second one. Aggression and action can be controlled after you are angry.
If someone pushed you on the subway, you have a right to your anger as a reaction and response to violation of your boundaries. Then you can choose your own way of how to manage the aggression afterwards. What actions to take. Someone can use a way to push in response, someone to shout, joke in response, or even move away. Look for your own creative ways to express your anger and aggression in life.
When I come to the city after the island, I always feel a lot of aggression and anger. In the subway, in houses with many apartments and neighbors, in offices, in the center, where there are a lot of people. Everything is very tight, everything is close by, and borders are often violated. Borders are getting tighter. And aggression in this case is a question for you and me, for society as a whole. In what social, creative ways we will learn to express it.
I also want to touch on the topic of anger and irritation towards loved ones and relatives.
It is normal for these feelings to arise.
Close ones - they are close and constantly want something from us, we - from them. There is a constant violation of borders, the conquest of personal space, territory, time. Children are often angry - this is also normal.
Another question is how you can build your boundaries in such conditions. How can you find your personal space in proximity, where only you will be. Have some free time for yourself. If you learn to do this, the anger and irritation will decrease.
Conflicts are often behind anger, because you want something, and loved ones are not always able and ready to give.
This implies the following understanding of anger - it unites people and delimits, which is very important for human relations. What does it mean?
Anger connects - if I'm angry with a person, then I want something from him - that he hugged me, or, on the contrary, left me alone, came early or gave me money, did not disturb my peace of mind or have sex with me.
And the other side of anger is she delimits separates when I mark my boundary. Helps to differentiate our relationship. Indicates where my boundary ends and another person's boundary begins.
The most important! It's not enough to be aware of your anger. It is necessary to understand what is behind your anger, what is the need. You need to understand what I want. There is always a need behind anger.
I am angry. I ask myself what I want. Then I need to take action. If I am angry and want to clarify a question, I say. If I want sex, I take action on how to get it. If I want to eat, I go, eat, look for what and where I can eat. When I did, then I evaluate the result. I got what I wanted after the action.
It is also worth behaving in relationships with people if they are angry, shout. They have needs behind it. Ask a person at this moment what he wants? Why is he screaming what is behind this? In this way, conflicts can be avoided.
Anger speaks of needs, but it is not magical - this does not mean that if you really want something, get angry, and with the help of this you will get it. That you will immediately be given in response. Like children at 2 years old.
Better to channel my anger into action to get what I want to do. I want, I need - I will move in this direction.
You can't just show your anger, say that I'm angry with you and stop. As if after that it will become easier for me, and the other will hear and do what I need, or give what I want. The other can hear me, but is not required to comply, especially in close relationships. Or he cannot fulfill all desires. Or he won't hear at all. It is important here to learn to cope with the feeling that arises - helplessness.
The level of trust in a relationship is equal to the level of anger that can be tolerated in a relationship.
It is important to work with the topic of anger if:
- you have little money, and you would like to receive more (with anger, we are able to satisfy our needs and receive more resources). It takes anger to take money from someone or want to earn it;
- you have little energy, motivation, desires;
- you do not show anger directly, but use other ways to make it easier (for example, eating, filling yourself with sweets);
- you feel that anger is bad, suppress it, and it manifests itself in psychosomatic problems;
- want to understand how to react to the anger of other people, especially in a relationship;
- you are aware of anger, but you cannot do anything with it or hold it for a long time, do not speak, and then explode and destroy everything in your path;
- you have problems in sexual relations, the topic of anger can also help you. If I want someone, I need to go up and tell him about it, take him;
- you are depressed or depressed.
It is impossible to satisfy your needs without anger
With it, we get more resources from the world - more free time and space, a place to realize our potential, money, sex.
We have better borders that no one will encroach on.
I wish you to find your inner anger and make friends with it.
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