Parting Ethics

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Everything in this world is relative. This applies doubly to relations. Or triple - depending on how many people participate in them. And everyone will have their own truth.

Someone, parting with a partner, immediately finds in the eyes of those around the holy great martyr, and someone gets the devil's horns and hooves. Who will be left with what is solely a matter of PR and a well-built campaign to attract allies to their side in the person of friends, relatives and even subscribers. At the same time, most often the indisputable fact is completely ignored that in relations the responsibility on the partners ALWAYS lies equally.

What about the victim? - you ask. Firstly, I'm talking about partnerships, and a priori connection with the victim is not. Secondly, if the "victim" does not sit on a chain in a damp basement, she always has a choice. And I am not impressed by the stories about "nowhere to go". Better to go nowhere - in the night, in the snow, in the broom closet, but not stay and do not endure what brings pain and despair. And if you think that "you can be patient" - if only in the warmth, then, as I said, this is your choice.

But back to our topic. There is in the relationship a kind of "medal for valor" - the friend zone - it is given to those who "after parting, remained friends." A friend zone is like a mark of distinction - a sign of mature personalities and well-built communications. Personally, I sin on good relationships with almost all of my exes. With their blessing and consent, of course. But not all breakups go smoothly. I don’t want to hear about someone. Someone doesn't want to hear about me. And if a person openly says that it will not work to remain friends, one should respect the designated boundaries and not impose. Otherwise, a one-sided attempt to “save at least something” turns from a medal into a stigma.

You see, we all tend to view relationships from only one perspective - our own. Therefore, when everything collapses, the surroundings are filled with groans: “I am for him … and he, ungrateful …! I told her … but she did not appreciate …! " But few people are able to understand that what seems to us to be a blessing for a partner can really turn out to be "toxic". Imagine that, out of the best of intentions, you have picked up a wounded tiger - a freedom-loving predator that must be driven, killed and devoured while the pulse is beating and the blood is hot. You cured him and he became attached to you. You decide to leave him at home, pour him a full bowl of whiskas and let him sleep in your bed. You go out together, scratch his belly without fear, and the surprised audience admires the harmony prevailing in your relationship. It seems to you that you are not restricting his freedom in any way, and the tiger even loves you - how much a wild animal is generally capable of loving the cause of its bondage. He ignores the desire to kill and chokes with an effort of will for you with whiskas. How long do you think this idyll will last? At some point, the tiger will break loose and escape from this really toxic relationship for him. And if you understand something about tigers, you will accept it quietly and calmly - as a statement of fact. And you will be glad that your beast has finally found the long-awaited freedom. But the trouble is that most of us do not understand a damn thing about tigers and will mourn OUR loss, showing others a full bowl of whiskas and sincerely wondering what he lacked.

As in the beginning of a relationship, you need to determine the rules of communication after they end. You alone are free to decide whether or not to forget your ex. The decision to remain friends can only be mutual. Friendship is good. And it is impossible to do good to someone who does not need it.

I'm not sure if there is an ethical code of separation somewhere, but there are always intuitive rules of behavior. The most important principle, perhaps, do not do to someone else what you do not want to get yourself. And it is quite possible that when the passions subside, your partner will come by himself with an offer of peace and friendship. If, of course, both of you follow the basic principles of separation:

1. Do not lie. Don't be silly or nasty about your ex. The only one it makes in an unattractive light is yourself.
2. Don't take revenge. As much as it hurts now, revenge will not lead to anything good. It will only bind you hand and foot, preventing you from moving on. The best way to "get even" is to let go of the situation and be happy.
3. Do not give out personal details of life with a partner. Do not stoop to meanness. No matter how "hot" the details of your personal life, you should not advertise them. Firstly, you yourself lived with this person, which means that these features did not bother you. Secondly, everyone will certainly listen with interest - but only in order to discuss you behind your back.
4. Don't follow. Don't create problems for yourself by tracking your partner's status on social media. If you need to say something, call him or write. Speak out and put an end to it. Firstly, stalking does not lead to anything good and, moreover, is criminalized. Secondly, while you are looking at pictures of his new life, you are missing yours.
5. Don't devalue what was … Don't discount your past relationship experience or the good qualities of your ex. Yes, it didn't work out for you, but he still has that amazing sense of humor that initially attracted you. Yes, you broke up, then you learned to ski and discovered a couple of cool musicians. After every relationship, a trace remains in the soul. Whether it is a scar or a meaningful experience is up to you.