Is A Relationship Without Manipulation Possible?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-12 20:57

The neurosis is caused by a frustrated need (for example, a child in childhood, according to his feelings, received little attention from his parents, it seemed to him that the mother was thinking only of herself and did not think about him at all - education in this style can form a theatrical pattern of behavior, and, becoming an adult, a person transfers this projection to his partner, the partner begins to seem indifferent; such a projection causes a desire to attract his attention by causing jealousy, "rolling" hysteria, or a quieter way is chosen - going into illness; that is, a problem is artificially created that can satisfy the need, and aggravate the conflict even more).

The goals of manipulation: to attract attention to yourself, to increase your importance, to get benefits.

Who is easier to manipulate? Those who are interested in relationships, who can easily instill a sense of guilt, shame, fear.

In love relationships, most often it is guilt, fear of loss, sexual addiction.

So a wife who cannot directly influence her husband's behavior does it indirectly - she becomes depressed, for example, does not eat, does not sleep, loses sexual interest, cries quietly in the corner. The husband begins to consider himself to be involved in the state of his wife and at the same time experiences anxiety because of the shaken, more recently calm, family structure, trying with all his might to please her.

Or the husband, sensing the cooling of his wife, begins to "rock" the family "boat", acting in a way that his wife obviously does not like (stays late at work, for example).

Lovers manipulate each other by disappearing, not answering calls, behaving noticeably colder after recent passionate explanations.

Interest is "fueled" by the contrast - having tasted the "heavenly" apple, the partner is afraid of being expelled from heaven, however, if happiness lasts forever, it will become habitual and lose its taste. Therefore, the cyclical nature of relationships is quite natural, when calm is replaced by a storm.

This tactic has 2 options for development: achieving the goal or escalating the conflict, up to the breakdown of relations.

There is another, so-called constructive, option, when the spouses openly talk to each other about what frustrates them.

Is it possible to constantly abide by these agreements and live without conflicts all the time?

Imagine that you live a calm life in which the weather is always good, calm, calm, stability and predictability - it's like eating only sweet every day - sooner or later you will get bored.

Our life has already become too predictable - with the advent of the Internet, it became possible to earn money without leaving home, products can also be ordered at home, there is no need to strain about relationships - "Pornhub", women and even men on call, dating sites are always under hand.

The entire human existence moves into virtual space and less and less efforts are needed to achieve what we want, and, as you know, accessibility dulls the "taste", when we get something easily, we quickly lose interest in it. The availability and primitivization of sexual relations can lead to the fact that interest in sex will soon fade away.

Contrasts are necessary in our life, and therefore relationships without manipulation are hardly possible.

Even role-playing games can be called manipulation. it is based not only on a variety of sexual experiences, but also on the desire to strengthen the partner's (partner's) interest in oneself. Again, role-playing games need to be approached in doses, because a habit to a particular stimulus may form.

Artificially, deliberately bringing moderate difficulties into life can give new meaning to relationships and life in general.

Both a woman and a man are pleased to receive signs of attention, confirmation that feelings are still alive, to see in a partner the qualities of a conqueror even after 30 years of marriage, in which there is an effect of pleasant surprise. If there is no share of deliberate manipulations in it, then how will interest in each other be fueled?

It is worth remembering that manipulations can be both destructive and serve quite good purposes (to make the relationship more interesting, cohesive, more meaningful).

No wonder Paracelsus noted: "Everything is poison, everything is medicine; both are determined by the dose.".

If manipulations are present in relationships in a metered manner, conscious and serve constructive purposes, then this is a medicine for relationships, if manipulations are unconscious and destructive, they will turn into poison.

As Viktor Frankl said: "Suffering as its goal is to save a person from apathy, from spiritual rigidity."

Emotional serenity is not always good. The word "indifference" means that a person breathes evenly in relation to us, and it would be better with aspiration.