STRONG WOMAN

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

She is slightly over thirty, quite socially successful, knows how to provide for herself and her children. She knows how to amaze men with her eccentricity and fortitude, she knows what she needs and how to get it. But there is one paradox in her life - her husband. The husband of such a woman is a rather mediocre personality who once showed hope, but could not bring it to life. She got married so as not to be alone, to run away from her parental family, to prove that she could be independent. Note that you did it a long time ago, became successful in your work and financially independent. But he - why does she need it, say the relatives !!! He is passive, with big ambitions, but small opportunities, he is not ready to give anything other than promises, sometimes he is harsh, depressed, but in general a good person. How can she live with such a mattress, a loser and a weakling?

She was tired of making decisions, passing off her strength for him so as not to inadvertently offend him. She was tired of taking responsibility into her own hands, telling him what to do. After all, he is so fragile with a gentle psyche, he takes her criticism for an infringement of his capabilities, he needs a clear guide to action. When they are in public, she flexes her dignity and transfers the imaginary command of the family into his "strong hands", because this is what society is supposed to do.

She buys him things, provides him with comfort so that he is not devalued as a man and does not ruin the day with a sour face. He can be offended for a long time, even hit her, because he was reproached for low wages, female function, worthlessness. She is always under stress, because at any moment he is ready to admit defeat and capitulate, placing responsibility for the family on her. Crying quietly, cursing fate for such a "weakling", he continues to play this evil game, constantly justifying him and himself.

In moments of insight, she realizes that she herself is creating all this, since she is used to the leading role. Only with such a person does she feel strong, because who else but him agrees to sit with the children, cook dinner and wait for her from work. Is she so comfortable? Yes and no. She sincerely suffers, realizing that the balance of nature is upset and the roles are mixed. She often, in a fit of scandal, accuses him of weakness (you are a woman, I do not have a man on whom I rely, you are a rag, etc.) The game continues and he, as usual, accuses her of excessive ambitions and threatens to prove that he is a real man. The next day, the husband begins to demonstrate the search for a job or a better income, produce ideas, but by the end of the week everything is back on track. There are still options, he starts to get sick or drink, he may leave home for a while, but the essence remains the same. She is convinced that she already knew and it would be better to be silent, otherwise this "circus" ends badly for herself. This is how the “vicious circle” works, summing up the fact that you need to get stronger financially, work harder, but it is hopeless.

She continues to dream of a strong man who can take responsibility for her into his own hands. She carves such strong men in the crowd of acquaintances, but as soon as she realizes that the relationship is going further and the dream is about to come true, something in her is crumbling and she runs back to her "weakling". There is another option, she still abandons her "weakling", going towards love, but then it turns out that this one is even weaker than the previous one. Why, you ask? Does she know what she wants? Of course she knows, but she wants to compete with a man, to prove that she is stronger and more successful because in childhood she suffered so much from the weakness of one of the parents. On whom, if not on him, she can assert herself so.

The psyche works in such a way that on an intuitive level we feel a person and a situation where he can compete with strength and win. Thus, she turns her next chosen one into a “rag”, again earning her own medals for victory. She comes to the conclusion that don't do it, but they are still "weaklings", because she invested money, taught, succumbed and endured, but he never became a man.

She is really strong, she can change everything, change the world, reach heights, but she is unhappy in only one thing, she does not know how to be weak, does not know how. Her life is a constant struggle for survival, primacy and strength. What difference does it make who, a child, a man, a colleague, she must be the best, by all means. This is the price of childhood trauma, which led to the receipt of paradoxical pleasure from the feeling of possession, superiority, at the same time, self-flagellation and tearing feelings of guilt and mental pain.