2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Today, almost every person is engaged in self-knowledge, trying to study and feel himself and others. A lot of people are really sensitive enough to everything that happens not only with them, but also with others.
In the flow of knowledge and information that comes to us today, it is sometimes difficult to observe two important, in my opinion, principles: do not harm and prompt. I cannot say that they are not followed, they are often used not quite correctly.
Do not harm. A person in a conversation voices some of his problem, complexity, tells the situation. He doesn't ask for advice or help. And then they begin to tell him or carry out various techniques that help in his case. They ask a lot of questions, voice their conclusions, sometimes they make diagnoses. And a person does not need this. He may already know a way out of the situation, or has found ways to cope with it. Seeing his dissatisfaction, he is told such phrases as "this is resistance in you", or "you are not ready to hear it yet."
How do we feel in such conversations? Most often, such dialogues cause anger, irritation, aggression, a desire to run away, perhaps a desire to no longer share something of their own. The counselor also experiences a feeling of dissatisfaction. It was with the best of intentions that he wanted to help. He gets upset when he sees that his efforts were in vain.
Recommendations
Assistant: do not ask for help, do not say anything. If you think you can suggest, ask if the person is interested in your advice, opinion, experience, exercise, study, etc.
To whom they help: stop in time. Explain that you just wanted to tell, it was in the subject, and you cited your own situation as an example. Say that you do not need help, you have ways out of the situation, and if you need advice, then you will definitely turn to. Do not bear it. You have the right to refuse help.
Do not harm and prompt. Here, just when a person is open to help, it is interesting and important to him. The assistant gives advice, guides and at some stage, when asked for his opinion, he decides not to voice it. His opinion can bring objectivity, which is very necessary to look at the situation from different angles. The assistant has his own reasons not to voice the "look from the outside", but in this case, it is better not to undertake to prompt something. Since it is one thing how a person sees the situation inside himself, and another, how it looks in the eyes of others. For maximum effectiveness, subjective and objective views are required.
Recommendations
Assistant: be open to the end. If you know that you can not say something or not say something, it is better not to try to help. Be prepared that in most cases your opinion will be asked. Even if you feel that the person has failed to complete something and are afraid to influence his opinion, say so. Express your concerns, but don't give it up without answering questions.
To whom they help: accept that, then often people do not say something, since there are reasons for this. They can be different, as a bad experience, or simply unwillingness to speak your mind. Be grateful for what you have already been given and helped.
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