Emigration Is Not Scary, The Main Thing Is Not To Get Lost In Illusions

Video: Emigration Is Not Scary, The Main Thing Is Not To Get Lost In Illusions

Video: Emigration Is Not Scary, The Main Thing Is Not To Get Lost In Illusions
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Emigration Is Not Scary, The Main Thing Is Not To Get Lost In Illusions
Emigration Is Not Scary, The Main Thing Is Not To Get Lost In Illusions
Anonim

As a rule, emigration has 2 sides - before and after. Starting the work of a psychologist, I happened to work in a specialized language school. There graduates who are fluent in 4-5 languages usually entered the "foreign language" and connected their future with abroad. We worked with them general, as it seemed to me then, psychological moments, while today, thanks to the advent of Skype, I get feedback that they were key. In this article, I want to write about what helps to "land a softer". In the next one, I will focus on aspects that expats actually face, contrary to their "worked out" expectations.

So, the first thing I want to draw your attention to is a general psychological study. Those who study articles and blogs have read about the most important problems, including socialization, medicine, legislation, everyday nuances, the language barrier, etc. Logically, we understand this, but we can feel and accept only when we are faced with the inability to call a doctor or buy your usual medicines at the pharmacy. At the same time, even having felt this or that problem, in fact we react to it in different ways, and one person relieves stress in a day, and for another, the experience becomes an insurmountable obstacle. Because we are different, needs, expectations and values are different and everyone needs something different. More often we look at friends, acquaintances or just idols who have moved, try on their experience for ourselves and think, "Yes, this is not a problem, but I can handle it, I can handle it." In fact, we are just different, and the disadvantages they voiced may not really be a problem for us, but that our friend will not even mention the problem for us, because he did not attach much importance to it. Thus, when planning your move, the last thing you need to do is focus on the emotional experience of other people, even if we have the same profession, age, marital status, etc.

Usually, in order to prepare, I invite my clients to do some deep introspection. The reader can be offered the following:

1. Quite often it happens that by voicing some preferences, a person hides completely different needs behind them. You can take the well-known circle of the balance of life spheres and mark it with different colors (on a 10-point scale, where 10 is all excellent, and 0 is a sphere in the state of neglect):

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1 - what is the state of each of my areas in my life now.

2 - how I would like to see the fullness of the spheres in ideally.

3 - as I see will change my fullness of spheres when moving (you know in advance you are going with an invitation to work or social, you are traveling illegally or with a quick opportunity to obtain citizenship, there are already all your friends and relatives or you are a pioneer, at what level of your knowledge of the language, etc.)

When marking points, you must first of all be honest with yourself. Then such a diagram will help to visually note whether you are deceiving yourself when you think that your life will improve. You will also be able to understand which areas are more important to you, more vulnerable and what specifically should be paid attention to for preparation. (In the sphere with dashes, write down what is important to you, but is not represented in this picture). You can discuss the results with your loved ones, perhaps they will notice something in your circle that you do not see.

2. If emigration is not a matter of necessity and despair for you, but is more an option for finding peace of mind and better conditions for self-realization, then the easiest way to analyze and adapt is, of course, study or work abroad. If you really want to move permanently, you need not so much a material resource as an informational, moral and physical one. When you feel in yourself a lot of unrealized energy for learning and activity - cards are in your hands.

When you find yourself abroad as part of your studies or work, you have a kind of psychological buffer that reminds you every time you encounter a stressful situation - "this is not forever, I can leave." Of course, there are people who cannot mine there until the end of the contract or the period of study. In the last 9 months alone, I had 4 cases of students with psychosomatics, whom their parents sent to study abroad, but the surrounding reality became so difficult for them that the body entered the course - VSD turning into panic disorder, obsessions with IBS (gastrointestinal neurosis). path) and RPP (anorexia and obesity), which helped to "scare" parents and return them home without finishing their studies.

Yes, it is often a kind of filter. If a person is tied to a contract or financial obligations (he cannot just take and leave), psychosomatics is one of the symptoms that it is probably better to try to build a career at home (well, or at least definitely not in such conditions, something needs to be changed). That is why studying and working abroad is, in a sense, a test simulator that helps to dispel illusions and see the situation more objectively.

You have the opportunity to try on the life of a real resident of this country, and not a tourist. Socialization, legislation, medicine, everyday nuances - everything opens up before you as it is, without embellishment. You will get the opportunity to improve language skills, get acquainted with the national flavor and peculiarities (because often students are perplexed that the countries glorified in the poetry of the university curriculum are in fact far from what they dreamed about, that elementary products like milk and bread can become delicacies, etc., while older people are often perplexed by the peculiarities of national upbringing, communication and treatment of children. After all, we can try to build our own boundaries, but build boundaries instead of a child, especially when what is happening may not correspond to our attitudes and accepted patterns of behavior, the process is much more complex). And if there are more pluses than minuses, you will only strengthen your decision, at the same time you will already create a certain circle of acquaintances, develop auxiliary algorithms for solving certain issues, get used to the local flora and fauna, understand your language level, etc. If there are more disadvantages, then you will either get an education that will add positive job opportunities, or you will just make money.

3. Perhaps the above is obvious to someone and so (although in practice I know that this is far from obvious to everyone;)), but certainly most people when planning a move do not think about their mental health at all. Often emigrating, people turn to a dentist and conduct a thorough examination of the whole body, treat in advance everything that is suddenly discovered, since treatment abroad and medical care is a sore point for most emigrants. And having moved, after a while they are surprised to discover various kinds of diseases that suddenly appeared, which neutralize all the preparation. Usually we talk about acclimatization, which manifests itself in the form of symptoms not associated with any particular disease. For some, they pass faster, for others, on the contrary, they intensify and new ones appear. As you probably already guessed, in this way the somatized form of depression most often manifests itself (in the second article we will say that all emigrants go through the depression phase), and the prognosis of each individual case depends precisely on the general psychological study, since everything previously suppressed is exacerbated and crawls out. At risk are people who are aware of sudden mood swings, often depressed mood and apathy, various kinds of addictions, special concern with their appearance, figure and weight, as well as people who knew of excessive anxiety or specific fears, and people, who noted some "points" about boundaries, cleanliness, order, time, rights and obligations, etc.

Some clients told me that they read on the forums of emigrants that no one abroad considers disorders such as depression, obsessive disorders, panic, etc. as problems and people go to work, do not think about treatment and cope on their own. It's a delusion. In fact, the problem lies in the fact that the medical service is arranged in such a way that people simply give in to the system, do not get examined and do not turn to specialists. The reasons for this are different, the main one is too expensive and tricky, tk. you still need to prove that you really need "stimulants" or "sedatives" (in civilized countries there are significantly fewer placebo-pacifiers and drugs more often have a real effect on the psyche), secondary - distrust of specialists, especially psychiatrists and thinking disorders in a number of psychological disorders (I'm fine / it's not scary). Here it would seem that work on Skype is an ideal opportunity to improve the health of an emigrant - but no. Since people are most often in an advanced stage, and they need medication support, which even a doctor (not to mention a psychologist) cannot do via Skype. The psyche has to find the most unpleasant option - to somatize mental disorders, and only then the client has the opportunity to at least get the help of a specialized insurance specialist and psychotherapy of a psychosomat with a similar mentality through the network.

Therefore, it is very important to timely identify various kinds of psychological disorders and their development. This does not mean that you will get rid of "depression" before moving, it means that you will plan your move taking into account your mental characteristics and with preparation for certain states, the work of your body, etc. Ie. you will learn more about the characteristic and conditionally safe symptoms for you, about your weak and strong zones, about what is normal and not with your constitution, and most importantly how to cope with various bodily symptoms in your particular case (all this is certainly in relation to your psychological state and patterns of behavior). It is especially necessary to pay attention to such a study if there were cases of any psychological disorders in your family, complex somatic diseases (hereditary chronic), and if you know for yourself that you are prone to depression, if you have a history of panic disorder (attacks) and various kinds of obsessions, phobias or anxiety disorders, eating disorders, specific psychological trauma or organ neurosis, etc., since, as already mentioned, emigration is a trigger for aggravating mental disorders and I will write in more detail about the causes, mechanism and other subtleties in the next article.

4. When we talk about various kinds of disorders, not everyone can try on themselves and thank God). At the same time, some people often have illusions about the fact that by changing their country of residence, they will be able to solve their behavioral issues. We often think with the formula "it's good where we are not" and build unjustified expectations about the move. I have a bad job, not because I didn’t make an effort for self-realization, but because the country is bad. I look bad not because I don't follow and take care of myself properly, but because there is no money (the country is so poor). I have no friends, not because I have difficulties in establishing contact and maintaining communications, but because the people around are gray (the mentality in the country is like that), etc. It is important to understand here that if you have problems with self-esteem, self-confidence, the establishment of constructive ties, interpersonal communication, self-realization, career guidance, etc., only a change of place of residence will not be able to solve them.

Another, more developed and personality-oriented country will give you 100-500 opportunities, but this does not mean at all that you will be able to realize them if you do not work on yourself, if you do not know yourself and do not know what your personal implementation tools are. You can move from country to country, from city to city in search of more favorable conditions for development, but at the same time you will always remain yourself, you will not run away from your "unders" if you do not get rid of them "from the inside". If you want to change something in your life, to reach a higher quality level, then emigration is just 1 out of 100 auxiliary elements. Therefore, when planning a move, it is important to understand what is actually the reason for the search and personal dissatisfaction, what really needs, desires, prospects, expectations you are building, etc. will become a source of even greater problems, since besides the fact that the complex will remain unresolved, depression will also join with a lack of proper support. Study yourself and hear. Indeed, in the depths of each of us there is everything in order to be happy, satisfied and fulfilled. Here and now;)

Continued Emigration Depression

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