2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The ability to empathize and empathize makes us alive. People. But it also carries with it danger. Seeing how bad the other is, we can feel how our own pain echoes inside, which not everyone can cope with.
Get rid of it in different ways. Someone immediately rushes to help, falls asleep with advice, begins to regret. Someone devalues "yes, it's okay", "I've never had such a thing." Someone, on the contrary, avoids communication or disappears.
But such reactions do more harm than help, even from the best of convictions. Compassion does not mean suffering with another. Feel pity. But do not abuse it, so as not to consolidate in the position of a victim the one who is now temporarily ill.
The positions of the rescuer and the victim are very seductive. The rescuer enjoys his power and omnipotence. They feel sorry for the victim and help. And this sometimes makes the victim completely helpless. Small. And a little man is a child. A child could not decide everything in childhood. And his parents did it for him.
Don't become an omnipotent parent of another adult. And turn him into a child. An adult has enough strength and experience to solve his problems and life tasks. On one's own. And also ask for specific help. Do not shoulder other people's problems on your shoulders and part with the illusion of your omnipotence that you are supposedly able to solve them. You are not a parent to another adult. And the other is an adult. Do not deprive him of the right to be an adult.
It is important for everyone to be focused on themselves and their lives. Be in touch with your feelings to separate them from others. Solve your difficulties, your problems and your tasks.
Remember that you - can decide your own.
And the other person - his own.
Realizing this, we endow both ourselves and the other with the power with which everyone - CAN. Can either solve its problem. Or accept the fact that the situation is inevitable and burn out - to survive the tragedy, which, alas, no one can change.
What words can you use to support a loved one when he feels bad?
Give him the opportunity to speak and be near:
- I'm with you
- tell me about it, I'm listening to you
- I see that it's hard for you now
- if you want, we can talk about it
- to be sad is normal
- it's really hard for you
- I'm with you, tell me what happened
- this is unfair
- I see that you need to be alone. I'll be there. Whenever you want, come to me.
All people need support sometimes. But not everyone is ready to listen calmly. Especially if the echo of one's own pain, pity, or the role of a "rescuer" is activated.
Therefore, many people seek psychological support from a specialist. Who was professionally trained in techniques and techniques, and also underwent a personal analysis, in order to separate his feelings and experiences from what the client brings.
The task of the psychologist is not to wave a magic wand or give a pill for mental pain. Don't issue a prescription with a list of tips. And to be next to another, at a time when he or she is feeling bad. Let the client hear himself. Help separate feelings from the situation and relive them. Burn off your grief. Make a problem out of the problem, look at it from different angles. If necessary, do the "work on the mistakes" of the past, which hinders the solution of today's problems. Help find an inner resource so that the client can cope with the task and gain new experience in his life. And a new skill is to experience feelings, separate them from the situation, make a task out of a problem and solve it. And more faith. Believing that the client, he or she, CAN.
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