2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Why crisis is good
At first I wanted to write about a midlife crisis, but I thought and decided that any personality crisis is good.
There are people who need a constant shake-up to feel alive. And there are those who love comfort and peace. Routine is a joy to them and any, even a happy event, knocks them out of their usual rut. Most of us are somewhere in between - between these two extremes.
A crisis is a reassessment of values, self-digging and a period of searching for new opportunities. It always brings about change. It's unavoidable. And it is often difficult to say for sure whether the crisis provokes development, or the need for development is perceived as a crisis. One thing is clear - no matter how hard you try to maintain the familiar state, it is impossible. The old skin becomes too tight for the growing personality. New needs appear that do not fit into the usual framework. The shell of the old life bursts, and an unfamiliar, and therefore frightening, world appears. Meet this new you. The pain that accompanies such a crisis is the pain of growth, the agony of birth, the cry of a new life.
A crisis is often accompanied by depression. In my opinion, this is not the fault of the changes, but the attempt to avoid them. It is this deliberately failed idea that leads to a deterioration in the general emotional state. Sometimes it is better to accept new sensations, listen to them and use new opportunities for development. Life is constantly changing. There is nothing static in the world. The human personality is no exception.
We are getting married "for life." Choosing a profession “forever”. We are building a "home of your dreams". But in fact it is not so. Even if you’ve lived with the same partner your entire life, you’re both not the same as on your wedding day. You just managed to change together without losing the ability to match like a puzzle. Even if you built your career in one particular area, your position, responsibilities and experience changed. Your dream home has been renovated and rebuilt according to your vision of beauty and changing family composition. So why are we afraid to admit that our personality also has the right to renew and grow? Tastes and preferences, values and priorities are changing. This is fine. The crisis is development. You just need to accept it and learn to interact with it.
A crisis can come from anywhere. It may seem that he appeared suddenly, from outside, without a declaration of war, arising from reasons beyond our control. It can be dismissal, betrayal, divorce - everything that we are not ready for, but that radically changes our usual life. This does happen, but rarely. More often than not, we just ignore the signals. We pretend that we do not notice the changed attitude, disruption of communication, difficulties with mutual understanding. Sometimes these signals are not obvious, and sometimes we diligently close our eyes, coming up with a million reasons so as not to disturb the comfortable state of ignorance.
In my understanding, a crisis is like a virus that is quietly dormant in our lives in anticipation of a weakened immune system. For me, the important thing is not where it comes from (strange for a psychologist, right?), But what it is expressed in and how to cope with it.
The crisis is a misunderstanding of how to live further: where to grow, where to live, whom to love, who to work with. This feeling is called "it's not right." Such a state is exhausting, frightening, depriving of strength and hope. It seems that the familiar world has collapsed, and the new one has not been built. We are afraid of not coping, not meeting, deceiving the expectations of loved ones. This is fine. This is a signal of the coming changes. It is inevitably accompanied by stress, cortisol production, dopamine deficiency and psychological discomfort.
How to deal with it:
- Keep calm. Imagine you overslept. The first thing you see when you open your eyes is a leak in the ceiling. You are late for an important meeting, the dog asks to go outside, and the cat shits in his shoes. You have no one to delegate the solution of these issues, so you will have to decide everything yourself. First reaction? I want to yell and pull my hair out. Will help? Of course not. So it is with the crisis. "It" has either already happened or is about to happen. Neither hysteria nor depression will help you. It is possible to understand what is happening only by retaining the ability to think rationally.
- Do not hurry. Don't chop off the shoulder, take a timeout, give yourself time to look around. Sometimes, minor changes are enough to make life fit again, and the world sparkled with new colors. Sometimes cosmetic repairs are not enough, and really serious changes are required. Then it is all the more impossible to approach them from the bay-flounder.
- Learn to analyze. When something changes against our will (and in a crisis it looks like that), we try to hold on to the past at any cost. However, it makes no sense to prop up the wall of a collapsed house. Most likely, she will still fall and bury you under the rubble. Sometimes it's best to step aside and, when the dust has cleared, decide what to do next. Weigh the pros and cons.
- Do not be afraid of change. Yes, stepping out of your comfort zone is scary. Perhaps this is what the baby experiences as it leaves the cozy mother's belly. But no one has yet been able to be “born back”. Change is inevitable. Whether they will change for the better is up to you. We can not always influence events, but more often it is in our power to turn minuses into pluses. Sometimes adventurous solutions are the most effective. Don't write yourself off without trying every possible and impossible method.
- Believe in yourself. After all, these are not the first or last changes in your life. You will find a different job, a new partner and a meaning in life. All this will be on one condition - that you save yourself.
Crises occur every now and then in my life. And no amount of "elaboration" of a psychologist can save them from them. What saves us is the realization that any crisis is a new experience and new opportunities. This is what life is about.
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