2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Measure seven times, cut once - everyone remembers this wonderful proverb, but in life they act completely differently. First they cut it off, and then they start thinking.
Are there many parental stereotypes in the world, and how many parents, there are so many stereotypes, for some they are similar, and for others they are original. For example, "I and my husband have higher education, my child should get it too." And the child had a birth trauma and he wants to dance and move actively, and the choreographic school will suit him completely. Parents will go out of their way for the child to receive a higher education, they can even do the lessons for him and hire tutors, without even thinking that it is easier to develop the child's abilities and see his real prospects, trust his choice. It is simpler, but stereotypes are strong and they do not give rest to parents, they try to implement their plans in all sorts of ways. Or another example, a child is passionate about drawing and draws for days on end, and he is forced to learn mathematics, because parents believe that it is impossible to live without mathematics, and who needs this daub, you yourself will give a large number of such examples. The problem is that we see other people's stereotypes, but we don't even fix ours, since they seem to us to be a part of us. To enjoy relationships with children, you have to be in relationships with children, and not in your ideas about them. Where are the filters and how to understand? It's simple, if it seems to you that the child does not, then you are talking about your ideas, and not about the child's wishes and his path! If you want, because it’s better, then first ask yourself who is better for the child or for you, and how is it better to live with it later. Questions clarify your understanding, questions to yourself and pauses when answering. Before you act, calculate the consequences not only now, but also in the future. By insisting now and breaking the will of the child, which in the end will have to deal with.
Therefore, we do a simple exercise: we take a blank sheet of paper and divide it into 2 parts, in one we write down our ideas about the possible future of the child, and in the second, his interests and desires are in reality and compare. Next, we carefully look at how our child sits, moves and acts, whether he slouches, looks into his eyes, or speaks openly.
When you start to get angry with a child, it is more often than not that serves as an excuse.
These simple actions will reveal to you the truth about yourself and your ideas, in fact, about stereotypes: how parents should behave, what children are supposed to do, in general, everything that has gathered in your head on this topic and works situationally. One of the stereotypical programs: "I haven't done my homework - we start the program with an annoyed cry and instilling a sense of guilt."
To remove stereotypical programs that interfere with life, and they, by the way, can be very useful - these stereotypical programs, but not for you and not in this particular case, we turn on the filter of prudence and safety, whether the stereotypical reaction helps to live or hinders, whether you decide parenting tasks or not.
Let me explain what I mean by parenting tasks: to provide children with physical and mental safety and the ability to learn life lessons, interact consciously and meaningfully with the world and oneself, grow self-sufficient and able to live an independent life when the time comes.
If you do not solve these parenting tasks, then you are doing strange things with your children, or trying to live their life.
Therefore, pause and ask yourself questions: what stereotypical program was activated for me and what results of activating this program will I get over time?
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