2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A couple of weeks ago, during a lecture on how to keep relationships healthy and happy, I was asked a completely logical question: what about children? In a sense, children are also a guarantee of a happy joint future. And in general, why not keep the family for the sake of the children
So that's it. Children in the process of family retention really have to play a very important role. Namely: not to play it at all. For everyone who took a deep breath for indignation, I will explain.
You've probably heard these heartbreaking stories mostly from the gray Soviet past, when children were born to strengthen a marriage. Now they are less common (or just less often fall into the field of my consciousness). So that's it. Close your eyes and imagine such a child. Born with one single mission: to prevent dad from leaving the family, not to let him leave from mom. Have you presented? Now let's imagine what his life will be like.
You probably think that dust particles will be blown off such a child, because he is so valuable. But the horseradish onion is not sweeter. Because the child in this case will not be actually a child with all the consequences in the form of love, care and attention. It will be - a function. And this function is to keep the family together. And this means doing everything possible and impossible so that the mission is completed: to get sick more often than others, to study worse than we would like, to fight in the alley so that the parents solve the “problem” together. In the end, it often means being sick very badly and for a very long time, if the other remedies did not work enough.
This means not to be a person, but to remain only acting throughout your life. It means not having authority over your own feelings and decisions. It means not having the right to be independent and adult, even when the time comes. Otherwise, the function will stop working and the parents will become unhappy - through your fault.
Or so. Parents keep the marriage and do not get divorced so that children grow up in a complete family and do not feel oppressed, flawed, abandoned, etc. I am answering a question that has not been asked. Keeping a family for the sake of children is nonsense. Sorry, of course, if I destroy someone's illusion. Imagine this child who grows up in an atmosphere where parents do not love / respect / hear each other, but tolerate. Have you presented? Now put yourself in the shoes of this child. Just put it sincerely, with all your heart. And give an honest answer: will it be good for you to grow up in such a family, grow up and take an example to follow? Here. And what will you answer to your mother's groans when she claims that for your sake she endured this despot and loser all her life, if only the family was complete? Or to your father's reproaches that he was never able to live his life with his beloved woman, but lived with your mother, whom he did not want, did not love and did not respect for the last 19 years? That's right, nothing good. Because children are not responsible for the decisions of their parents. Or at least it shouldn't be.
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